Post # 1
I am sorry Bees, this is my second upset post this week, but it has not been a good one. My Bridesmaid or Best Man, whose husband has been horrible to me about my wedding dress in the past, has basically told me she can’t come unless I invite her horrible husband. For her, it’s a question of loyalty, him being the father of her children (my two godchildren, whom I love dearly) and her marriage not being a failure (which it is) or at least not publicliy. After a very emotional phone call to her (which included being shouted at by her dad, whom I really like and is also coming to the wedding) I have agreed to invite her husband (she has kept from him that he was not invited originally). So all should be fine…right? So why do I feel like my wedding is going to be the disaster of the century? I am just so worried that he will make some horrible comment to me and ruin the whole thing. She says she can’t declare her marriage as over (which she feels she would be doing if she came without him) but he has been so horrible on so many occasions, shouted at her, the children, her mother, got into a drunk brawl with a bouncer…the list goes on, but I’ll spare you the details. Even when he is trying to be nice about something, he says something which gives it a mean subtone. My Fiance hates his guts. I have said it’s Ok now, but under the condition that her duty as a Bridesmaid or Best Man is to keep him as far away from me as possible, and restrict his mean comments (or at least not let me hear them). I am not too worried about him fighting with the other guests, just that he’ll ruin the wedding somehow. I don’t know what to do…I can’t stop crying at the thought of him being there (esepcially as he made mean remarks about photos of me in my dress) but she has made it clear that she won’t come otherwise and we are very close. I am so upset, please help…any suggestions to make the impact he has on my wedding less will be much appreciated!
Post # 3
I am sorry to hear this… sounds like you are in a tough position. While you are being the bigger person by letting him attend, you upset yourself and are now worried about his behavior. However, it was really only up to you and your fiancee who is invited to the wedding. You should not have been pressured into inviting someone that is not supportive on your special day. Try not to get so upset over this. Whats done is done. He is invited now and hopefully will be on his best behavior (esp since your friends father is attending) Good luck!
Post # 4
Don’t anticipate this jerk causing problems (so do not emotionally dwell on it), but take precautions (such as hiring an off-duty police officer) to make sure someone else can deal with his drama.
Post # 5
Don’t stress too much about it…try to think positive and hope he will behave like an adult. You said your friend’s dad is going, right? Could you ask him to kind of be in charge of her husband and take care of it if he gets out of line? I also agree with missblueshoes that maybe you could get an off duty police officer or security guard.
Post # 6
I’m sorry you’re stuck in this position. Your friend is in a tough spot too, this man will always be in her life (he is the father of her kids) and it would be a public statement to not bring him.
I agree with the PP who asked if her father could watch him? I would also ask your Fiance to have the groomsmen keep an eye out. Not be paranoid, just aware that there is one guest in particular who has a history of bad behavior.
At this point, I would just focus on the positive parts of your day, hope for and expect the best. Don’t let him ruin your day- that’s letting him “win”. Your day is about you and your Fiance and noone can ruin that.
Post # 7
Definitely go with a security guard or police officer. That way, if he DOES create a scene, they can take legal action. If you’re not sure how, just go to your local police station and talk to them. Just let them know what’s going on, your fears, and I’m certain they’ll help.
If you are have booze, you could use that as an excuse; you don’t want the chance of anyone leaving intoxicated and would feel SOOOO much better if you had a police officer there to help with that. You never know, they MIGHT do it for free if you use that reason! If you want a security guard, just look in the phone book. 🙂
Ask your family and friends if they know someone who works for the police dept. or as a security guard.
Post # 8
Are you even AWARE of how crazy your weding day is going to be? With you running around trying to please everyone else, you probably won’t talk to him for more than a few seconds. Don’t worry about it. We all have that ONE person.
Post # 9
Go with a security guard, but remember – no one can ruin your wedding UNLESS YOU LET THEM. Just ignore this jerk and enjoy your day.
Post # 10
I agree! Take comfort in all of the other wonderful, loving people who will be there. My guess is that if he starts to create trouble at the wedding, you won’t have to lift a finger. Your friends and family, who love you dearly, would be more than happy to bounce his butt from the wedding to ensure your day remains special and (most importantly) drama-free!
Post # 11
That sucks, but I try to tell all brides this when they get focused about one guest they are not looking forward to: there will be SO MANY PEOPLE at your wedding, you won’t really have to interact with him. Really. Just don’t engage with him, and that will cut off any drama.
Post # 12
I had a guest at my wedding that I didn’t like. Actually, 2 of them, they came together. I was so worried that their presence would alter my wedding day. I thought they’d make it miserable for me… They didn’t. And that’s because I barely saw them. And when I did, I never had to say much to them, aside from hello. You’ll be so busy, distracted, happy, excited, in love, that he won’t matter. And even if he did say something offensive, you don’t have to let it effect you. I’d just smile, give a big fat FU and go have some fun! Ultimately, he’s probably just being a jerk because he’s miserable, so don’t let him spread the misery!
Post # 13
How many guests are you having? All the weddings I have gone to (with the exception of the ones that I am in) I don’t think I have talked to the bride and groom for more than 2 minutes total the entire night. They have so much going on and need to mingle with every single person there. You probably wont even have to say more than “Hi-thanks for coming”. Thats about it. I wouldnt make yourself so upset about it though. Yes, this guy sounds like a jerk but it’s your best friends husband and theres nothing you can do about him going.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t get a security guard. that is just going to upset anyone. really-you will probably barely speak to him. he sounds like a total asshole for sure, but I think I spoke to each guest like for 2 seconds. and if he does say something awful you probably won’t hear about it until later. I had one guest curse out my DOC because there was a very minor table mix up, and then heard about a family member and his girlfriend making out during the ceremony. And I thought I had the most perfect day..well I DID but you can’t control everyone. SO I would just focus on the people you are excited to see.
Post # 15
Oh Bees, you just made me cry again – it’s so wonderful to have people who totally understand. I think the venue has security, so I will tell them to keep an eye on him. I know how difficult it is for my friend too, I just don’t want any drama at the wedding. Now it already is a bit of a drama, but hopefully I will get over it during the next few weeks (wedding is only 3 weeks away). You’re probably right – there are 80 guests, and hopefully this will mean there will be someone to take care of everything without worrying me.