Post # 1
I poted this on another thread, but I’ve been mulling it over for awhile, wondering if anyone else was in the same boat…
Just about everyone here will be married before I am. Even though I picked August 2012, unless either me or Fiance win the lottery, it’s more likely to be 2014 or even later. Fiance works in Care (not badly, but not well paid) and I’ve been ill and only worked occasionally in the last year or two.
Can’t help feeling a bit annoyed at times, as it is Fiance who wants the whole big day because his parents expect it for the ‘family’ – I would very happily elope. I have no family in this country so 99.9% of the guest list will be his family. Even though he’s never been married and his parents are well off, they haven’t offered a penny to help out. I know they aren’t obliged to, but I don’t like being emotionally blackmailed either: Fiance has already had remarks like ‘we’d look bad (to the family) if you didn’t have a big wedding’ made by his parents.
So I will probably be engaged for about 4 years. Not something I’m overjoyed about.
Did anyone else have a very long engagement and how did they cope/feel about it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo
I have a relatively long engagement. Almost 3 years. But it’s only that way because my fiance wants to finish his studies so that we can focused more on married life afterwards.
Personally I don’t believe that money should get in the way of a wedding. Sure, weddings are expensive, but there are a lot of things you can cut back on.
We can’t really afford a big wedding, and my relatives were trying to convince us to postpone the wedding. But I don’t believe that I should wait to marry the man I love just because weddings are expensive. So we’re having our wedding as soon as he finishes his studies, and in the meantime, I’m trying to cut back on costs as much as possible. I’m making the stationary myself, we’re paying for some things in installments, getting my dress online, we inherited the engagement ring, and we’re taking out a small loan to cover some essentials. We’ll just pay it off when we’re comfortable enough.
I just think there are more important things in life that can’t wait for money.
And as for relatives’ expectations – here’s my advice. IGNORE. THEM.
Everyone will have expectations of you – whether it’s about the wedding, your children, your career, your married life, etc. But in reality, it’s none of their business, and you can’t please everyone. Might as well please yourself and the man you love then. It’s YOUR wedding, and YOU and your fiance should be the only ones meeting expectations. especially if you’re the ones paying for the wedding.
Sorry for being a bit outspoken here…I just find it a shame when a couple can’t enjoy their own special day the way they want to because of these things.
Post # 4
Mine will not be as long as yours, but still traditionally “long” at 28 months.
We had to wait til 2013 because we are paying ourselves and need time to save. Also, 90% of Fi’s family lives in Ireland and where Fi’s cousin is getting married (here) next August, they wouldn’t have been able to afford to come over here again 2 months later, so we wanted to give his family the best chance of being able to come.
Post # 5
My engagement will be longer than most, but not quite as long as yours. But it will be about 2 years and three months. We’re waiting that long because we need to save up money because I don’t like the idea of depending on his parents or my mom to pay for too much of our wedding. We haven’t met too many problems as of yet, other than people not seeming to take our engagement seriously because our actual wedding is so far away, but I’ve dealt with that and understand why they might not be as excited as I hoped they’d be. I guess I don’t have too much advice for you, but just wanted to say I’m right there with ya, and try not to let it bother you. I see absolutely nothing wrong with having an extra long engagement. It’s just what works for some people and some situations, like yours and mine. Don’t let it get you down. Just enjoy being engaged and enjoy not having to stress and do everything so quickly and all at once like some couples who have shorter engagements have to deal with.
Post # 6
*waves hand* I did. I proposed to Mr.TKE February 8, 2008. We are getting married September 15, 2012. So, 4 years, 7 months, and 7 days.
Post # 7
Call me crazy but I like a long engagement. I like being engaged and planning things calmly etc
Post # 9
We were engaged for about 18 months. Longish, but not really long compared to some. I wanted to have a small, immediate family wedding (parents, grandparents and siblings) a bit earlier both to cut costs and because that’s just what I’d have prefered, but we ended up appeasing DH’s family and doing something bigger.
However, we still only spent about 3k on our wedding for 80 people. We held it at a beautiful reception hall at a state park. We had food from a great semi-local restaurant that was managed by our day of coordinator. We cut out things like a DJ and renting chairs, but even if we had added those things in, we would have been under 4k.
I think you and Darling Husband need to talk about who is going to set the tone for your marriage – you two or your families. If it had been really important to me, I would have ignored my MIL’s comments about a bigger wedding and inviting her side of the family and would have done the smaller wedding anyway. Especially if it would have postponed our wedding a significant amount of time. Can you have a small ceremony and have a larger reception later when you can afford it?
Post # 10
Were not getting married until 7/07/13, Its annoying but worth the wait!
Post # 11
i’m having a 2013 wedding. Mostly because I want to finish school before we get married and also to save some money (not for the wedding but for a downpayment on a house) It can be hard and yes we get some snarky comments like “why would you even get engaged if you aren’t getting maried within a year”
Post # 12
2 years here. The biggest con for me was that the excitement with everyone (family, friends, even us) dwindled down to nothing. When you have a short engagement, the momentum keeps going. When you have a long engagement it tends to get lost in the mix.
BUT we had 2 years to save up to have our dream wedding. This means awesome favors, our favorite band, a DJ, top notch venue, and a very expensive lighting package. We would have NEVER been able to have this wedding if we were only engaged for 6 months.
Post # 13
we are not officially engaged (meaning i have no ring lol) but we are engaged in that we are figuring out how to approach wedding planning. We are aiming for 2014. We have many reasons. Money is an issue but not a huge one. It is more that our relationship is still “new”. We are an encore couple and are building a healthy foundation so that we avoid repeating history. We are doing things right this time around and so even though we know we are getting married and want to start figuring out a budget and how to save for it and all of that we have to allow time for things to progress and for us to be able to comfortably handle it.
Post # 14
Ours will be 2 years because we’re currently long distance . It also gives us and our families a good amount of time to save money, since it’ll be a destination wedding. If we lived in the same city, and could get married any time, I’d probably still want it to be over a year for the saving money aspect. I actually want people to show up, and they need time to save to fly in from all over the world! Too bad that stuff doesn’t grow on trees.
@TheMsMittens: I don’t think it’s a good idea for you and him to cater to other people’s wants. If they want the wedding to be a certain way, they should be the ones paying for it if you’re willing to accommodate their wishes. And if you want it your (you+him) way, then no amount of money should be able to sway you otherwise. Good luck with that.
Post # 15
I honestly would have preferred some more time! I’m only having a 10 month engagement and I can tell you it sucks! I wish I had more time to save since I didn’t realize all the little things add up quickly.
I also wish I would have had more time just to enjoy it. I’ve been in constant “get it done now” mode that it’s hard to take a step back and just enjoy being engaged!
So take your time… get everything you want done and enjoy it. You can still do little things you know you will want now! That means less stress later!
Post # 16
Ladies, thanks for your replies!
The main problem is that Fiance seems to want the whole big wedding. He likes to keep his family happy and doesn’t mind a long engagement – I’m completely the opposite, I think if you have got engaged, meaning that you are committed to marry, you should just get on and get married! I also feel that he doesn’t seem to realise how much these big ones cost…
We are both in our 40s, so no matter what I won’t be doing the whole ‘big dress’ thing, and we won’t be getting married in a church. When we first got engaged, he told a friends children they could be flower girls/page boys…which I wasn’t too happy about. I don’t really want children at the wedding, and anyway, by the rate we are going these kids are going to be teenagers by the time we get married!
I also don’t want to spend thousands of pounds on a one day party for people I don’t know. No offence to those who are doing, but I see it as waste of money. We have other, more vital things that we could be spending that sort of money on. I would be happy for a meal in a restaurant afterwards, I really would. I want a simple, elegant wedding and a intimate celebration afterwards. Not spending hours getting to speak for 5 minutes to a hundred people I don’t know from Adam and probably won’t see again for years.
Why couldn’t I have the traditional Fiance who doesn’t care about weddings?