(Closed) Very, Very, VERY long engagement…anyone having/had?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

I have a relatively long engagement. Almost 3 years. But it’s only that way because my fiance wants to finish his studies so that we can focused more on married life afterwards.


Personally I don’t believe that money should get in the way of a wedding. Sure, weddings are expensive, but there are a lot of things you can cut back on.


We can’t really afford a big wedding, and my relatives were trying to convince us to postpone the wedding. But I don’t believe that I should wait to marry the man I love just because weddings are expensive.  So we’re having our wedding as soon as he finishes his studies, and in the meantime, I’m trying to cut back on costs as much as possible. I’m making the stationary myself, we’re paying for some things in installments, getting my dress online, we inherited the engagement ring, and we’re taking out a small loan to cover some essentials. We’ll just pay it off when we’re comfortable enough.


I just think there are more important things in life that can’t wait for money.


And as for relatives’ expectations – here’s my advice. IGNORE. THEM.

Everyone will have expectations of you – whether it’s about the wedding, your children, your career, your married life, etc. But in reality, it’s none of their business, and you can’t please everyone. Might as well please yourself and the man you love then. It’s YOUR wedding, and YOU and your fiance should be the only ones meeting expectations. especially if you’re the ones paying for the wedding.


Sorry for being a bit outspoken here…I just find it a shame when a couple can’t enjoy their own special day the way they want to because of these things.

Post # 4
595 posts
Busy bee

Mine will not be as long as yours, but still traditionally “long” at 28 months. 

We had to wait til 2013 because we are paying ourselves and need time to save. Also, 90% of Fi’s family lives in Ireland and where Fi’s cousin is getting married (here) next August, they wouldn’t have been able to afford to come over here again 2 months later, so we wanted to give his family the best chance of being able to come. 

Post # 5
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My engagement will be longer than most, but not quite as long as yours. But it will be about 2 years and three months. We’re waiting that long because we need to save up money because I don’t like the idea of depending on his parents or my mom to pay for too much of our wedding. We haven’t met too many problems as of yet, other than people not seeming to take our engagement seriously because our actual wedding is so far away, but I’ve dealt with that and understand why they might not be as excited as I hoped they’d be. I guess I don’t have too much advice for you, but just wanted to say I’m right there with ya, and try not to let it bother you. I see absolutely nothing wrong with having an extra long engagement. It’s just what works for some people and some situations, like yours and mine. Don’t let it get you down. Just enjoy being engaged and enjoy not having to stress and do everything so quickly and all at once like some couples who have shorter engagements have to deal with.

Post # 6
4663 posts
Honey bee

*waves hand* I did. I proposed to Mr.TKE February 8, 2008. We are getting married September 15, 2012. So, 4 years, 7 months, and 7 days.

Post # 7
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Call me crazy but I like a long engagement. I like being engaged and planning things calmly etc

Post # 9
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We were engaged for about 18 months. Longish, but not really long compared to some. I wanted to have a small, immediate family wedding (parents, grandparents and siblings) a bit earlier both to cut costs and because that’s just what I’d have prefered, but we ended up appeasing DH’s family and doing something bigger.

However, we still only spent about 3k on our wedding for 80 people. We held it at a beautiful reception hall at a state park. We had food from a great semi-local restaurant that was managed by our day of coordinator. We cut out things like a DJ and renting chairs, but even if we had added those things in, we would have been under 4k.

I think you and Darling Husband need to talk about who is going to set the tone for your marriage – you two or your families. If it had been really important to me, I would have ignored my MIL’s comments about a bigger wedding and inviting her side of the family and would have done the smaller wedding anyway. Especially if it would have postponed our wedding a significant amount of time. Can you have a small ceremony and have a larger reception later when you can afford it?

Post # 10
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Were not getting married until 7/07/13,  Its annoying but worth the wait!

Post # 11
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

i’m having a 2013 wedding. Mostly because I want to finish school before we get married and also to save some money (not for the wedding but for a downpayment on a house) It can be hard and yes we get some snarky comments like “why would you even get engaged if you aren’t getting maried within a year”

Post # 12
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

2 years here. The biggest con for me was that the excitement with everyone (family, friends, even us) dwindled down to nothing. When you have a short engagement, the momentum keeps going. When you have a long engagement it tends to get lost in the mix.

BUT we had 2 years to save up to have our dream wedding. This means awesome favors, our favorite band, a DJ, top notch venue, and a very expensive lighting package. We would have NEVER been able to have this wedding if we were only engaged for 6 months.


Post # 13
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

we are not officially engaged (meaning i have no ring lol) but we are engaged in that we are figuring out how to approach wedding planning. We are aiming for 2014. We have many reasons. Money is an issue but not a huge one. It is more that our relationship is still “new”. We are an encore couple and are building a healthy foundation so that we avoid repeating history. We are doing things right this time around and so even though we know we are getting married and want to start figuring out a budget and how to save for it and all of that we have to allow time for things to progress and for us to be able to comfortably handle it.

Post # 14
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ours will be 2 years because we’re currently long distance Frown. It also gives us and our families a good amount of time to save money, since it’ll be a destination wedding. If we lived in the same city, and could get married any time, I’d probably still want it to be over a year for the saving money aspect. I actually want people to show up, and they need time to save to fly in from all over the world! Too bad that stuff doesn’t grow on trees.

@TheMsMittens: I don’t think it’s a good idea for you and him to cater to other people’s wants. If they want the wedding to be a certain way, they should be the ones paying for it if you’re willing to accommodate their wishes. And if you want it your (you+him) way, then no amount of money should be able to sway you otherwise. Good luck with that.

Post # 15
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I honestly would have preferred some more time! I’m only having a 10 month engagement and I can tell you it sucks! I wish I had more time to save since I didn’t realize all the little things add up quickly.

 I also wish I would have had more time just to enjoy it. I’ve been in constant “get it done now” mode that it’s hard to take a step back and just enjoy being engaged!

So take your time… get everything you want done and enjoy it. You can still do little things you know you will want now! That means less stress later!

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