(Closed) very worried need advice please

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

ouch.  yeah, I’d say you have reason to be upset, angry, and worried.  If it were me, I’d pin him down, hand him the phone, and say “dial”.  that way he won’t know you checked and won’t change the info (devious, I know). 

if he refuses, well, that’s when you throw down.  point out the checking account, point out how much has to be paid, and demand PROOF that he can pay it. 

otherwise, if it were me? I’d walk.  I HAD an ex- who took my money and blew it on drugs and alcohol (didn’t know this until AFTER I’d left him and moved back to my home state).  so, yeah, I’d walk because I wouldn’t be able to trust him. 

without trust, how can you have a relationship?

anywhos, just my thoughts on the problem.  hope you can get this sorted out soon, and without having the heartache of a breakup.

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would suggest having a pretty serious talk about where you both are finanically so that you can better prepare yourself for the future and the wedding.  Try not to make it seems as though you’re confronting him about money..money does weird things to people so be light about the conversation.  With the economy the way it is, perhaps he lost his job and embarassed to tell you about it?  My fiance had his hours and salary cut because his company was suffering and he was really embarassed about not being able to save more for the wedding. He even had to resort to dipping into his savings for mortgage and other bills. Just be prepare for anything when you have the talk.

Maybe he’s just saving his money in an account that generate more interest. Good luck!   

Post # 5
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

ohhh that is not good at all. Finances are one of the biggest factors in a relationship. That said, dont panic just yet. I would have a very frank conversation with him about this and ask him why exactly he wont show you his finances.

Hopefully it is all a big mix up.

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be worried too, I don’t think you are overreacting. I also don’t think you should leave him at this point, you don’t even know his side of the story yet. In my relationship, I am the one who is terrible with money. We have a joint account for joint expenses which Darling Husband mostly manages, but on my own I’m a bit of a mess. A few months ago I had to confess to Darling Husband that my credit card debts were much higher than he realised and I needed to talk to him about how I was going to get things under control. It was a horrible conversation which made me cry, but he was pretty understanding and tried to give me some practical tips on how to manage things. I’m doing much better now. I mention this because I think the next thing you need to do is confront your Fiance (nicely!) and tell him what you’ve found. I think instead of being angry you should be concerned – he told you he would have $X ready by now, and he doesn’t, so that would worry me at this point. Give him the opportunity to tell you what has happened. Then use that to think about what you’d like to do – postpone the wedding, cancel it completely, break up, etc. But I don’t think you can make those decisions until you know the truth – and it sounds like you will know immediately if he lies to you again. Good luck, I can’t imagine how sick you feel over this. I hope he comes through for you.

Post # 7
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

As hard as it seems to be, I think you need to put things on hold. You can’t go into a wedding with a relationship that you’re not sure about. Especially if you KNOW he’s been lying. TRUST ME. I’ve been through this. It took a long time to iron things out and build trust back but now we’re happier than ever. 

You need to confront him about it. Don’t tell him you know anything. Give him an opportunity to tell you the truth. If he can’t be truthful lay out the evidence and tell him you’re leaving. Give him a week. If he comes after you and tries to make things right and follows through with his word, everything will be fine. If he doesn’t come after you, sorry. 

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i agree that you really need to set things straight BEFORE getting married.

Post # 10
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Yay..I’m glad everything’s out in the open.  I’m sure he just didn’t want to worry you (even though he did just that by hiding it)..and I think it’s nice he helped his mom save the house. This economy is a tough on everyone. Frown 

The topic ‘very worried need advice please’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors