(Closed) Vent: absentee MOH

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know how it feels to be let down by those we love. Its always disheartening to have someone we care about not put as much effort into an important relationship as we have may originally thought possible.

I would say that this is a special time for her too. Be there to support her and her bundle of joy and when the time comes she will be there to return the favour!

Post # 4
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s ok for you to feel this way. Yea she had feelings but so do you.

Post # 6
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Have you mentioned the bachelorette party or showers to your other bridesmaids? Maybe they could step up and fill the void that the Maid/Matron of Honor is leaving?

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with miss pinot grigio.  I’d ask my BM’s to step in, I’m sure they’re up for it.  6 weeks is plenty of time to plan a great bachelorette party.  I’m sorry your Maid/Matron of Honor has been such a disappointment.

Post # 9
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

I know it sucks, but having a newborn can be just completely exhausting.  (I’ve been following some of the mommy blogs since we’re going to be trying soon, and it’s been a wake-up call for me how overwhelming the “baby time suck” is.)  She might have good intentions, but if you say that she’s not a good multitasker, it could be that she’s just snowed under by watching after herself and the baby and can’t get any of these other tasks accomplished, as much as she would like to.

Can you maybe make the plans for the two of you to attend the concert yourself, and just check to make sure beforehand that she’s still on board with you getting tickets?  I know it’s disappointing to have to make the arrangements yourself, but I know that I would rather make the arrangements myself, if that meant that I wouldn’t miss out on the fun bonding time at the concert.  Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That sucks.  Is there a dad in the picture that can keep the baby for the night?  I know it’s probably hard to leave your new baby, but she needs to be there for you too.  I wouldn’t “fire” her at this point though.  I would just remind her how important this is to you and see what she decideds to do.

Post # 12
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would talk to her about no longer being a Maid/Matron of Honor and possibly keeping her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man instead. I know many wont agree with my opion saying you cant take it back, but I say you can.  A MOH  takes on that role knowing it comes with many responsibilities.  A bride needs a PRESENT Maid/Matron of Honor. Be polite and understand about her situation but have her see yours as well.  Speak to your bridesmaids about helping out.  Maybe at some point “promoting” one of them, obviously the one who helps out the most. You can always keep your current Maid/Matron of Honor in the bridal party as a Bridesmaid or Best Man instead.  I think this would be the right and fair thing to do for everyone yourself and the other bridesmaids included.  If the are helping they, the one heping the most deseves the ‘promotion’ and the current Maid/Matron of Honor should have a title she is undeserving of, considering she is doing the same if not less than the Bridesmaid or Best Man.

I just remebered you said you had one other bridesmaid who lived in another continent.  Do you have anyone else.  Can she even help out with booking thing and making phone calls or through email?
 

I was actually a Maid/Matron of Honor while I was living in europe and the wedding was being held in Canada.  Would you believe I actually planned the whole wedding.  She didnt even pick out the colors.  I checked things with her of course but I did it all on my own.  Then, I flew in 3weeks before the wedding, had to get my dress, shoes, etc. finalize everything bring her to the venue (only to have her change her mind a week later! find another venue contact guests, finher dress! Yes find her dress week before the wedding.  She would go with anyone else and her parents lived in the U.S. and were only flying in 2 days before. 

Anyhow, Im rambling now.  My point is, it can be done; and if it cant.  Do you really need a Maid/Matron of Honor who isnt deserving.  Have two Bridesmaid or Best Man and call it a day.  Have them both help out with whatever they can.

Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

Why don’t you have a talk with her and see if she would be better suited as just a guest? I am sure she feels terrible, but she was preggers. That is just an all around sticky situation. I would just talk to her and ask her if it is okay to replace her (if you want). I wouldn’t ask her to do more, bc from what I hear babies are a lot of work. Just my two cents.

Post # 14
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

Yeah… I would fire her. I demoted my Maid/Matron of Honor to bridesmaid… 

Post # 16
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sure, planning the bachlorette party is one of the traditional Maid/Matron of Honor “duties.” But you didnt pick this person as Maid/Matron of Honor because they were amazing at getting stuff done, right? You picked them because of what they mean to you. Just because they now have other responsibilities doesn’t necessarily change what they have meant to you in the past.

SO forget tradition! Have the friend that likes to party plan the bachlorette party! That’s what I am doing, and my Maid/Matron of Honor has been super involved. Her talents, however, are just better used elsewhere.

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