- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
So my fiance and I have been engaged a while but are in an intercontinental relationship (my fiance = USA, myself = UK) which has complicated things so we had a plan to get married next Spring. When discussing my potential wedding plans in the summer of last year with my sisters they were making catty remarks about probably not being able to attend unless I set the date for the month of August only since one is a teacher and the other is at college therefore they have to revolve their time off around the academic year. I had actually made a tentative plan of marrying last week in May when they are on college holidays but was shot down in flames with one sister saying she would have to do exam revision all of that week therefore couldn’t make it, they were all being really horrible about it and when I started to get upset I was told to ‘just shut up and drop the subject’.
Anyway, we obviously didn’t marry in May of this year after all that, but in July we finally settled for next spring, I was Stateside whilst we came to this decision so emailed my sisters the date. Had no response from them for 6 weeks and after a long wait finally got a message from one of them saying they wouldn’t be able to make it unless I move the date to their Easter holiday which would be a few weeks later than said date. I checked with my fiance but for various reasons that I cannot really divulge on here, the date is final due to certain arrangements. In the meantime I confided in a few of my fiance’s friends and family about what’s been happening, until then I had been feeling guilty and selfish for not doing what suits my sisters but they all reassured me it was definitely them with the problem. Some mentioned that in my next email to them I could suggest that they have a word with their professors at this early stage and negotiate work to be submitted early/late/or via email. So I emailed that suggestion to them in August and heard nothing back!!! This was also hurtful considering I was in America and they had no interest in keeping in regular contact to see how I was etc.
I returned to England in early October, heard nothing at all from my sisters – no suggestion of meeting up considering I’d been away for 3 months. Anyway, 7 weeks ago was one of my sisters’ birthday, so I felt obliged to go along which meant staying with them at their place. I was not looking forward to it one bit, due to the elephant in the room regarding the wedding, the fact that there had been no contact whatsoever between me and one of my sisters and her long term boyfriend since my return from the States and also the fact that in the past I have been made to feel very unwelcome there. They have left me out of things, uninvited me to events and when I have attended something they limit the time I’m actually there.
So anyway, I was worried about how I’d get through the weekend without a mention of the wedding. I knew in my heart they wouldn’t come but just couldn’t bear to hear them actually tell me that and make it all real. On the birthday night I was actually having a good time until I was targeted about something I hadn’t done, my sisters and one of their partners were spewing abuse at me for 4 hours, this was so hurtful but they seemed to revel in my tears and despair. This was before any mention of the wedding.
The next day one of my sisters randomly said ‘oh what a pity we won’t be able to come to your wedding’ which made me feel sick to my stomach. I responded with ‘so that’s it, that’s your final decision after keeping me in suspense for weeks, do you know how hurtful this is? I was trying to avoid the subject so as not to upset the apple cart but you just brought it up’. So she stormed out of the room and went up to her boyfriend in the other room and told him to sort me out because I was ‘causing problems’. He ran down the stairs screaming and shouting so much abuse at me, mostly about how selfish I am for not changing the date to suit them, he even accused me of trying to jeopardise their education and future careers! He also called me a liar as he didn’t believe my fiance wouldn’t change the date for them so accused me of trying to prevent them attending! Totally shocking. And throughout the run in I never once raised my voice and barely fought back because my stomach was in knots from the upset and I felt so ganged up on. The more distressed I got, the more it antagonised them all, it was awful. I felt so bullied with no one there to defend me.
Anyway after all that my sister came back downstairs to join her boyfriend and she just said ‘we can’t go because we can’t afford it’. Well if that was their reason all along why try to get me to change to date to suit them, and cause such a scene??? To think they would have let us change the date when they had no intention of coming anyway 🙁
When I told my fiance all this he was sad for me but told me to suck it up, and ended up surprising me with a new suggestion of marrying New Years Eve (10 days time) as a last minute thing with about 6 friends around us. I agreed, and we are now planning at the last minute, but I am still so hurt about how my sisters are. I have not even heard from them since then, it’s like I don’t exist yet I’m getting married! It’s terrible that they don’t care. I am also worried about when people ask them why they didn’t come, they will probably lie and say I didn’t invite them or something then make me look bad on top of all this 🙁
My sisters have a long history of bullying me by the way, and I am the eldest.