Post # 17
I am actually a gamer, so maybe I can offer a little perspective.
At the end of the day, video gaming is like any other hobby, and should be treated as such. The main difference is how immersive it is, so it is very easy to lose yourself in it. I’ve gone whole days during school breaks doing nothing else. Easy to do. Hence, there MUST be limits.
I would recommend a serious discussion about where this is heading – a bad place. Even if it isn’t a video game, he is turning you into his mom. NOT cool. I would take it from that approach, not attack the video games.
Post # 18
Call of duty is evil! A lot of the guys we know are hooked and they all play online with each other. I try to convience him to go out with his buddies and get a beer once in awhile instead of that means of socializing. It drives me nuts listening to him play that and I get livid when he is up til 3 am playing.
Xbox is defintley one of the few contentious issues in our relationship, but it’s the big one in my mind.
Post # 19
My guy plays video games, but nothing to the point that it’s affected us. He plays in the evening, usually while I do homework or am watching a lecture or taking a shower. If it was in lieu of hanging out with me (instead of a time where we each do our own thing), I would not be happy. I feel really strongly about addiction to video games because I watched my brother go through it and spending THAT much time on a video game can literally ruin your life and interrupt your relationships…it’s so sad but it happens! I’d be really really annoyed if it was one of those things he just came home and beelined for every day, without talking to us or being cordial. I understand when it’s like, 13, 14, 15 year old boys, but I feel like grown men should be 100% capable of having “game time” and “family time” much like there is “tv time” and “shopping time” and “not appropriate to do XYZ time”. Insert Games for XYZ.
I think there is a time and place, even for hobbies…my hobby is working out, and if working out got to the point where he began to feel neglected or like i didn’t do anything ‘but’ that or that i wasn’t doing my duties as a parent, there would HAVE to be some give.
Post # 20
ugh! I am so glad I am not the only one having to deal with this, not that I am happy that you girls are as well but I can totally relate. My Fiance works as a welding inspector and usually travels for work and being that construction is slow during the holiday season he is lucky enough to get to be home for a month sometimes. Call of duty is literally the first thing he does in the morning and the last before he goes to bed and there is plenty of it in between. Thankfully I have weddingbee to consume me while he sits on the couch and ignores the world around him. His friends all live in California and Nevada so they will bee up all hours of the night and I cant count how many times I have been woken up by his “Camper theres a camper guys” or “reload reload” ugh!!! silly boys!!!
Post # 21
@shannon1126 LOL Camper Camper!! haha that really made me laugh!
Post # 22
My brother was big into video games when we were little, so I definitely know what it can be like. It’s like they’re in a whole other world! Fortunately for me, Fiance has absolutely no interest in video games. I actually like to play more than he does.
Post # 23
ooh does this ring a bell for me.
My hubby’s vice is PS3. We don’t have a ps3, but his parents and his brother do. I like it this way. When we go over to his parents for dinner I am ignored for several hours. But then we get to go home and I get him to myself.
Because of how expensive it is (system and games) it’s easy to keep it out of our reach for the next few years. I’m concerned that hubby will be too distracted by it while he is in school.
However, he does realize that he has a ‘weakness’…he has a hard time stopping once he starts. So he is usually good when I say it’s been a couple hours, it’s time for ‘us’ time.
Post # 24
I got really lucky with Fiance, he has never really been into video games. He has a PS2 from his single days and one time I left for work and he was playing and when i got back almost 10 hours later he was still playing. I was such a B and made so much fun of him. He NEVER EVER played PS2 around me.
Post # 25
Yes his playing right now, talking trash to other players. He has zero interest in meeting real people since he talks to ” friends” online. I am a gamer as well but it’s got to the point I’m depressed. I don’t even try and approach him for sex anymore since he’ll claim sickness but keep on playing till 2-3 am. It is the first thing he does in the morning, the middle and last. If I need him I know where to look at least !
Post # 26
I don’t think that it is normal or healthy that he has more interest in playing a game than having sex with you. I think you should have a serious discussion with him about everything you have said on here. Tell him that he isn’t fufilling your needs sexually or emotionally because he is addicted to playing a game. I understand that some people like to play video games to relax or whatever. But ignoring the people and responsibilies in your life to play constitues an addiction. I once read about some guy who was so addicted to some computer game that he didn’t even notice when his kids would get hurt when he was supposed to be watching them. Then he met some woman who played the game online too and had an affair with her. Lame.
Post # 27
I completely agree with @MissChirpie, my Fiance is seriously addicted but not to the point he is ignoring his responsibilities or me. I mean there are some points when he will just nod and say ‘uh huh’ to some of the stuff I am saying but its usually when I bust out the wedding talk like ” which invite do you like more” “what do you think of this STD” etc lol but nothing to critical. I definitely think you should have a little heart to heart with him because it sounds like its quite damning to your relationship and thats worth putting a stupid little control down for. (((hugs)))
Post # 28
I’ve experienced the “up until 3 in the morning” thing. For him, it’s Call of Duty III or whatever is the newest and Halo. They are both SO violent and he plays them SO loud. He switches to headphones when I ask him but he never thinks of this in advance. He does stay up late but I naturally get tired earlier than him, he can freakishly survive off 5 hours of sleep anight, while I need a full 7 or 8, so I’m used to going to bed earlier than him. Still, we are trying to watch less TV and what do we do? He games and I end up on forums like this one. Seattle doesn’t have the best weather so during the winter we don’t do much of anything outside of the house, that and we are saving for our honeymoon. That should be interesting, no electronics other than a camera and 18 days of “us” time. Now I see the point…
Post # 29
Umm… I’m a gamer that is fighting the addiction.
I’ve been off of "my" game for several years now. When I was playing I could easily do 10-14 hours at a stretch. There were plenty of times that I would stay on for 36+ hours. My online friends would call and wake me up for "pops" or if they needed backup in a fight. I lived off of energy drinks and junk food.
I didn’t realize how it was affecting my relationship until my guy laid down a ultimatum – him or the game. Thankfully, I made the right choice. Not until I had some distance from it did I realize how bad my addiction was. Making the break from the game was hard. Online friends did not believe I had really quit. They would call and try to get me back online. I fought with myself about logging in – long internal debates raging around "If he doesn’t know…" and "It’s not an addiction, it’s just fun…". It was then that I realized I was acting like any other addict would – I’d seen alcoholic family members have the same conversations. It was really eye-opening. I decided that I needed to delete my account. When the screen flashed up that said "Are you sure that you want to delete this account?" I hesitated. I backed up and brought up the stats screen. I looked for a number that I had avoided looking at before – the number of hours spent in the game. It was over 13000. Thirteen thousand hours. Over 500 days online as the character. Nearly one and a half years of active gaming. I deleted the account.
Online games give a sense of community and power. In my situation, I felt I was part of a continually supportive community of people who valued me for my skills and my expertise. I did not feel strong or smart or valuable "irl". The game was a way to hide from my depression and the problems I was having.
Please don’t think that I’m saying your situation is as bad as mine was. But please, talk to your gamer. He may not really understand how bad things are and how upset you are.
Post # 30
I have a similar situation. FH just moved down here less than 6 months ago and all of his friends are up north so xbox is not only his hobby but his way of communicating with his friends. When I say something I’m not only taking away his fun but I’m also the evil girl that keeps him from talking to his friends which is not how I want to be viewed by him or anyone else. Basically our nonspoken deal is he can play as much as he wants when I’m not here, limit it to about an hour and a half max in the evenings and on the weekend he can play as long as I have something I can actively involve myself in. If I start getting bored then we change things up and he does something with me (he usually plays like 10 til 1 then maybe for a hour or 2 in the evening) Also randomly we play 1 vs 100, family game night, or rock band as something to do together and as a chance for me to talk to his friends as well. I believe there is such thing as compromise when it comes to gaming but he has to be willing.
Post # 31
I definitely think it’s past the point of an “obsessive hobby” and onto a serious addiction! You are getting depressed over it. You need to sit him down (not when he’s trying to play) at the dinner table and have a talk with him about it. Perhaps he has no clue how much it is affecting you or thinks it is harmless. He needs an eye opener and a PP is right–maybe there is an underlying reason he is drawn to it so much. Like Serya said, my brother played incessantly (he slept next to his controller and would wake up to help his online buddies, too!) because he wasn’t happy and didn’t feel accepted in the household he was in so playing was an escape for him. It BECAME his life. When the internet would go out in a storm, it was like he didn’t know how to function and would become moody, snappy, and all weird.
Get him some help, for both of your sakes and also your kids.