(Closed) Video game addiction.

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My fiance works a very stressful job and likes to come home and relax by playing Call of Duty. When I’m staying with him on the weekends he does me to courtesy of asking if it is alright if he plays for a bit. That’s pretty much worked for us because I can do some work while he’s playing. We’re still working out how long “for a bit” should mean. The issue starts rising when he plays for three or four hours instead of just an hour or two. If I’m ever bothered by it, I talk to him about it. It’s much easier to address the issues on an individual basis as they come up instead of letting it all build up. I agree that setting a schedule is a good idea but family responsibilities come even before an agreed upon schedule.

Post # 33
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

My fiance would leave his job if he could to play call of duty.  he puts on the headset and is allllll game allllllllll night.  he will stay up till 5 in the morning if the “map is good”. I find it ridiculous, but he is in a wheelchair and doesn’t really get out much esp. in the 11 inches of snow we have on the ground so i guess i cant complain.  he isnt out being a d-bag like some of his friends are.  he’s home in the living room playing a silly game that even tho i dont get it is relaxing for him and he has a stressful job. i dont like it but i deal with it.  i mean he does stuff around the house. helps with the dogs and such so its not like he is more committed to the game than he is to his life.  he will put the controller down at times and i think he has gone a couple of days not playing because I’ve asked for some quality time, so it sounds like I could have it a lot worse.

Post # 35
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

Gosh I feel so badly for you.  I wonder if it’s time to do what Serya’s significant other did and set an ultimatum.  If this was gambling or drinking, would you still tolerate it?

Post # 36
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry your going thru this. My man is not addicted but we both really enjoy playing. He got a PS3 for his graduation in 2008 and a Wii last Christmas and this year for Christmas I bought him DJ Hero.

Post # 37
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Video games are a major point of contention in our relationship, and we’ve had many a fight over them. Usually after we have a big fight he’ll mellow out on the games for a few months and then he’ll start playing a little bit at a time until he’s back to playing for eight plus hours a day. He’s been doing this lately since the new call of duty came out. He doesn’t come to bed and pretty much ignores me… then I sit down and have a “talk” with him and he comes to his senses for a while, then the cycle repeats itself. I’m starting to think he needs professional help. He’s obviously addicted but I have to think that he’s also avoiding real life, and me, and our relationship. I just want to kill the fucking xbox.

Post # 38
Member
1525 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i feel so bad for you because you are going through this. I am starting to be able to relate sadly enough and its a horrible feeling. My Fiance never use to play this much before we moved and actually spend quality time with me. Sadly is that is no longer the case because ever since Modern Warfare 2 came out he stays up until like 4 am and plays that damn game. It is causing a rift in our relationship and to me its ridiculous. 

Post # 40
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I personally think if it was me I’d come to a point of saying listen I dont mind if you play sometimes but if I’m gonna have to keep going to bed by myself I may as well be single and just seeing where it goes.. But then again if he’s a major gamer I wouldn’t say that unless you’re prepared for it to happen unfortunately.

Post # 41
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… it’s time to get him some help. Ignoring your needs and your kids is not okay. Not at all, not even a little bit. He’s married, with kids, and he can’t act like a 20 year old college student anymore. I had a boyfriend who was addicted to WoW. I wasn’t okay with it, I HATED being second choice to a video game, and I broke up with him. Not saying you should break up with him, but he needs to be  husband and a father.

Post # 42
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

My husband loves video and computer games but luckily he doesn’t play them online. I think this takes out the “community” aspect of it and makes it easier for him to play for short periods of time and to turn it off when he needs to. We just got an XBOX360 and so far it seems kind of boring. Thank goodness he is not into the war games, so far he’s played Batman and his computer games are Civ and Monopoly. I hope things work out for you, Jessica. It sounds like a really frustrating and insulting situation. It would be hard not to smash the box to pieces.

Post # 43
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I’m coming at it from the same place as Serya. I too was “addicted” to a game, although I certainly didn’t think so at the time. I would play 14 hours a day and actually just forget to eat. I’d be obsessed about getting off work just so I could run home and play the game until I crashed.

Like Serya said, its likely that your Fiance doesn’t realize just how bad it is or how harmful it is to your relationship–I certainly didn’t realize anything was wrong. I stopped seeing most of my friends by rationalizing that if I was talking to the same people for so many hours a day, they were certainly my new friends.

I’d sit down and have a serious discussion with him about how you feel, but not to come at it as anything that could be construed as an attack or accusatory–I always felt attacked when this happened to me and withdrew further into my games. Depending on what he’s playing, seeing if he could agree to a cold turkey quit for even a week might help. Once I quit, like Serya, I actually managed to get the distance to realize that the amount of time I was spending on video games was horribly unhealthy and that I was missing out on a lot of other fun things (which I thought I didn’t care about at all previously).

I tried setting a time limit for myself when I first realized that maybe I was playing too much, but it failed miserably. There’s always a little more you could do in the game and having someone try to enforce the time limit made me resentful at the person (I know, this sounds like a serious addiction problem).

I actually got over the game, because I went and took a trip for 2 months and had almost no internet access. This probably isn’t feasible–but the point is, once I was away from the game and got over the first hump–I realized I didn’t want to go back to how things were. I know a few people who quit cold turkey and now can go back and play casually for just a little bit at a time without getting sucked back in.

Post # 44
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I haven’t read all the above posts but I must say that my ex-FI was addicted to video games.  It is one of the reasons I called off the wedding.  It was so bad that he played all the time and was number 5 In the World on NFL Fever.  I kid you not!

At the time I lived 5 hours away and would drive every weekend to his house to be with him.  I would walk in the door to find him playing a game.  I would go put my suitcase up and pick-up the kitchen (always a pile of dishes) while he said he was finishing a game.  Come on who doesn’t stop for five seconds to give their Fiance a kiss and hug that they haven’t seen in a week sometimes two weeks?!

I tried talking to him about it but was told I was being silly.  I would wake-up sometimes at 3 am to an empty bed and find him in there playing.  I can’t tell you the number of fights we had.  I’m not sure what really can be done other then throwing the games and console in the trash!  His problem was so bad that I don’t allow video games in my house.  My now Fiance and I will play when we go to other people’s houses but it isn’t something that I want to go through ever again!

Good luck and I hope you find something that makes him stop playing!

Post # 45
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I feel like I’m going thru the same thing most days.  My Fiance doesn’t get angry about it or anything but hes oblivious to how to makes me feel.

Every night I go to bed alone. I can’t remember the last time we went to bed at the same time. I hate it. It’s the lonliest feeling ever.

The other night we were hanging out and pretty much tells me to go to bed cause he has a game date at that time. So right then, he switched on the xbox and played and talked all night.

 

It really bothers me and I don’t know what to do to fix. The sad part is that I felt like this with my ex and his addicition to games was a huge deal breaker. And my Fiance knows this and how it bothered me.  He was never involved in games until call of duty. That game is the devil!

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