- Mrs. Hot Wings
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant
Are you out there? How’s it going ladies and gents? Any family battles yet?
Are you out there? How’s it going ladies and gents? Any family battles yet?
I’m currently waiting, but my guy is Vietnamese. He told me recently that his family (mostly mom) thought he should wait until he is out of school to get married, which would be fine except for he is going for his PhD which will take him 4.5 more years. He says he thinks we are ready, so hopefully it will happen soon. His mom has a lot of power in their family though. I don’t know what kind of wedding she expects us to have, but I want a non-traditional all around (aka not traditional American or Vietnamese wedding).
Ooo. PhD. I’m finally finishing mine this semester! and it will have taken 6!!! So yeah… it’d be great if he could finish in 4.5 😉
From personal experience, Vietnamese mother of the grooms can be pretty hard to deal with b/c in Vietnamese culture the groom’s family usually pays for the wedding and the mother of the groom is the most important person in the wedding… so that is totally different than U.S. norms these days. So in my case (being a girl and all), neither Mr. HW’s parents nor mine were really prepared to pay for the wedding since they’re use to the other side paying. So we are paying. Good luck w/ dealing w/ the cultural issues though.
Hey hotwings! I’m Vietnamese, my guy is 3/4 white and 1/4 Japanese. My family battle was a few months ago when we moved in together post-engagement, pre-wedding, eek. It’s okay now, though.
Also, I saw on your profile that you’re finishing your PhD in psych! I’m in a counseling psychology MA program right now. 🙂 Also, it’s great to be reading about a Vietnamese bee’s wedding planning!
Vietnamese bride here! Luckily my parents have been pretty open minded about what we what our wedding to be like. We are doing the morning tea ceremony out of respect for them however…plus ao dai makes for some pretty great pics 🙂 My Fiance is Taiwanese and his mom is pretty westernized so she hasn’t pushed anything on us at all! But I will be changing into a qipao during the reception because I think his grandma would appreciate it.
Originally we were gonna wait a few more years since I’m currently getting my masters (finishing in June!!) and he is getting his PhD and MBA (and still has 3 years to go), but our parents have been pushing us to move the wedding up since we’ve been together almost 6 years. Both sides are helping pay and we are paying a portion ourselves as well.
I think a good compromise and to incorporate some vietnamese traditions would be to do the morning tea ceremony. I think there was also some resistance to our decision to have our reception catered (buffet style) by a restaurant that does almost asian fusion type food rather than going to a vietnamese/chinese restaurant and doing the whole traditional reception. But they’ve come around 🙂
Good luck fighting battles!
@jduck:we had the same issue…moving in together post-engagement, pre-wedding…but we have roommates and supposedly have separate rooms. LOL
@PDX – that’s so funny! When my brother moved in with his fiancee, my dad told me, “Oh, they’re sleeping in separate bedrooms, I saw her stuff in the downstairs bedroom.” Ha! Of course, I got different (negative) treatment since I’m the baby and a girl.
Also, your wedding is a week before mine! I don’t think I’m going to wear an ao dai because I’m a little too chubby and self-conscious for that… but my aunt and mom and I thought a cheong sam for the rehearsal dinner might be pretty.
We’re having an outdoor reception with banh mi and Viet iced coffee… I’m so excited for that!
Yeah, the problem with me is my guy knows like nothing of Vietnamese weddings, so it doesn’t help me to incorporate anything. Also, when I tried looking it up online a while back, I found very little information about traditions. I think it is because most of it is not written in English. If any of you know any good resources I would love to see them.
I think that is interesting about the moving in before wedding post engagement stuff, because I totally see his mom flipping out if we did that, but it could be a total likelihood.
@jduck: OMG I never even thought of banh mi and viet iced coffee!! Brilliant!
@quirky: most of what I know about viet weddings are from going to them or from hearing about them from family members. i think there are probably some blogs out there that might be helpful (like: http://www.banquetevent.com/wedding/misc/bande/2009/03/she-said-traditional-vietnamese-wedding.html). I think fewer and fewer couples are doing the whole traditional vietnamese wedding and taking the bits and pieces they like.
Oh… You all just gave me the idea to write up a Vietnamese wedding traditions post! Duh. That makes sense.
And I know this next link is for Chinese weddings, but I’ve actually come across other Viet brides and grooms on there. http://chineseweddings.theknot.com/boards/ShowForum.aspx?ForumID=397 So check that out too.
I’m also wearing an ao dai, but a very modern non-wedding like one. I think you’re all right to say to include some of the Viet traditions. The parents really find it respectful.
@quirkyparsnip: Something that really helped my Vietnamese parents was asking them to think about their top 5 must have wedding things (e.g., traditions). Then sitting down with them to ask them what they decide their must haves are. For Mr. HW and I, we didn’t end up doing all of their top 5, but they have told us how much they appreciated that we took the time to ask them and listen to what they wanted even though we didn’t end up doing all of them. Some of their “needs” were soo simple and easy to accomodate that it ended up keeping them happy about letting go of other things.
@hotwings Please do a post on Viet traditions! My Fiance is Vietnamese, but he’s very uninterested in the wedding planning, so I’m having trouble getting him to tell me about the traditions that we should be including. It would be great to get the scoop from a Vietnamese bride!
I am not a bride but I know a lot about the Vietnamese traditions since a lot of friends have been getting married recently and I been somewhat helping them plan their wedding. Also doesn’t help that my mom is wanting me to get married off to. But that is what mom is for. So I can try to answer any questions about traditions if there are any particulars. Just be reminded that each region does things differently.
Yeah my parents were happy that I wanted to incorporate Vietnamese traditions into my wedding as well. It really gave them a way to be involved in the planning and I’m sure they appreciate that since they are helping pay for part of our wedding.
@hotwings: Did you buy your ao dai online? I don’t know where to get one and I heard bad things about aodaivinh.
@vttp926: my Fiance feels weird about asking my parents what to bring when he comes to their house on the wedding day for tea ceremony…what kinds of things does the groom side typically bring??
When we did the tea ceremony for my uncle wedding, we had 2 plates of fruit, 2 plates of cha lua(pork loaf), 2 plates of tea, I think a total of 4 boxes of hennessey maybe, and then the red circle lacquer box which I don’t know what it contains. At my friend wedding, they did the tea, fruit, wine, the Vietnamese wedding cake which I don’t know what it is called and the pig. But really it is what the bride family request the groom family is what they bring for the tea ceremony. And it also depends on how many people you need to bring the gifts. It is always an even number and a pair if you do anything. So usually it is either 6, 8 or another even number.
We visited my parents today (two bowls of pho, mmm!) and I asked my parents about Viet wedding traditions and if they wanted to include any for the wedding. My dad joked that it wasn’t necessary and that if we didn’t do it right, people would gossip, so I guess the wedding traditions are not as important to them. My mom is very involved in our wedding planning, though, so that makes me happy that we have that together, without any drama whatsoever.
We are, however, celebrating Tet next weekend and going to do some traditional stuff then, which IS important to them, so that’s good.
@PDX – my mom is having her ao dai made at a place in St. Paul, just a little local place. Do you think there’s any place like that where you are? I’d be nervous about measuring myself and sending it to some place online, no matter how reputable it is, just because ao dai are so fitted and exquisitely made.
The topic ‘Vietnamese Brides/Grooms?’ is closed to new replies.