(Closed) Vindictive ex deliberately sabotaging my wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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rosssr85:  Sorry, I really don’t see any drama but that which you are creating. She bought your house? You bought a house? Was it the son’s original childhood house? (Who cares what house who bought anyway?) Is two months really that short of time for her to request some help around the birth of her second child? Seriously? 

She’s trying to plan a trip. Did you consider that she’s trying to plan two kid’s schedule’s around yours? 

 

I really don’t see what the problem is. Either you are creating drama where there is none, or a hugely significant part of the story is missing. 

Post # 17
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I see what you mean, ’cause of she is planning a trip, she would have an idea when she’s going. She could say, Im planning a trip for then. If you have this history with her, i think it could be a way to sabbotage, and look innocent. Look at all the comments you’re getting… So if you feel this is whats going on, don’t tell her, i agree with onatto and think that would be best.

Post # 18
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you’re reading way too much into this. Tell her the days that you’ll need to have his kid so she can plan. To hide that info looks like you’re just lookin for trouble.

Post # 19
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think I get what op is saying. If I’m planning a trip I would know what month or time of the year I’m aiming for. So why wouldn’t the ex wife say “hey I’m planning a trip in june, when are you guys getting married? I want to make sure the trip isn’t around your wedding date.” Maybe op thinks the ex just wants to get the date so she can magically say the wedding is going to interfere with their vacation, and op’s step son can’t attend. 

Post # 20
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If her goal was to plan a trip during your wedding, then she’s going to do that regardless of when you tell her the date. She’d do it now if you told her now, or she’d do it later if you waited. 

Unless you forgot to tell us something, you’re being immature and choosing to make her the bad guy when she hasn’t actually done anything. I hope you realize that it is 100% inappropriate for you to paint her as the bad guy when you are her son’s stepmother. 

Post # 21
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with Ohnatto.

I do understand where your concerns are coming from. No one is just suspicious of an ex’s shit for no reason. Maybe she’s proven herself in the past, and this is what makes you wary of telling her your wedding date.

I like the idea of giving her a range of dates, however, this may spark more questions out of her. I’d tell her you don’t have a problem with her trip, as long as your stepson can be at your wedding.

 

 

Post # 22
Member
5940 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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rosssr85:  I’m wondering if there’s more of a background we don’t know about. If there is, you need to be, and will always need to be, the bigger person. From past experience where people I know who’s kids were used as pawns by the exes, this is how it will go for the next 12 years. Birthdays, holidays, special days may be missed by the kid. IF there is indeed a history of this already. Power to you, I went through it, too.

Post # 23
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

There MUST be some crazy dramatic background, because this seems like a perfectly reasonable request. Her request for you to not travel within 2 weeks of her due date so that your Fiance can watch his child is also a perfectly reasonable request. I don’t think this woman is crazy or trying to sabatoge at all. If you really do think that she is trying to ruin your life with your Fiance I think you need to seriously sit down and think about if this is REALLY what you want with your life. There is a reason why marriages that involve children from another relationship have a lower success rate than those that do not involve children. I can only imagine that lack of flexibility and understanding when it comes to step-children and exes would be a major factor in that.

Tell her the date of the wedding.

Post # 24
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

The only drama I see here is the drama you’ve artfully created in your own mind. She needs to know the date for her trip. Seems easy enough for you to just tell her. She is expected to have her son ready to engage in all the wedding activites and the wedding day…right? Again yet another reason you should tell her. 

You are about to be FOREVER tied to this woman,Apparently you already have joint custody of her child. so you need to put your personal feelings to the side here and foster a relationship with her that is healthy for the child. She is your family now and will have an active role in the life of your step son. 

If you keep up this kind of thinking, you’re going to create problems in your home. And you don’t want that. Nothing about what you described was vindictive or explained how she is “deliberately trying to ruin your wedding”.

Post # 25
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If she was trying to be a douche, she would intentionally not ask you about the date, so it could look like an accident. I doubt she’s stupid enough to make it obvious that she was trying to keep her son away.

Post # 27
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Goes to show flashy headlines get more readers!

Ugh. FYI, it also gives those readers some pretty strong insight into who exactly is the drama queen in this situation. I mea, there isn’t even one grain of truth in the heading. It’s complete fabrication. Which you then basically admit you did just to draw people in.

As they say, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. What do you suppose this post tells everyone about you?

Post # 29
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
interchangeable:  yep.

OP, no one accused you of not wanting your stepson there, but then you said in a reply, “I of course want my step son to share our day”.  Where is that coming from?

it’s his day, too, because you are a family. so tell h is mom the dates in an email cc ‘d to your Fiance. Or let him do it. Let him worry about his ex. You can’t control her.

Post # 30
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

…So if she plans her trip to deliberately correspond with your wedding, there’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing you can do if she were to call you on the day-of and give some bullshit excuse so your stepson can’t be at the wedding. It would be crappy of her to do that, but not telling her the date won’t help anything and it won’t prevent the inevitable, if it is, in fact, inevitable. And if it happens, you’ll have to let go.  

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