(Closed) Virgin bride scared of wedding night

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

No one says you have to have full intercourse the night of your wedding. I think you need to talk to your fiance about it, and say that you just want to take things slow. That’s one of the most fun things, getting to finally indulge in those urges you’ve had your whole relationship, and exploring each other’s bodies.

Maybe just fool around the night of the wedding. If you go through with intercourse, great! But if it takes you a few nights into your honeymoon to feel comfortable, that’s fine too.

I think that starting off small, or taking it slow, might ease some of the pressure you’re feeling.

I’m not going to give an anatomy lesson, but if you two are both enjoying things, and you’re “worked up” enough, it should not be very painful. Maybe a slight pinch. But again, go gently at first, and take your time, and you two will get the hang of things.

Basically, do what feels natural to you. Don’t read up too much on the internet. Just allow yourself to be present and in the moment.

Post # 3
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

AnonymousBrideee:  I am sure your Fiance, the man who loves you, will be understanding. You don’t have to be seen, that is what the dark is for. And it only hurts for a little bit, I promise the pleasure is worth the pain. If you are really concerned make sure you have some lubrication, we personally like the KY Yours and Mine. It will help. Also, if you are a wine drinker, a little might help you relax, but just remember to relax, that is the most important thing.

Is your Fiance a virgin as well?

Post # 5
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

JBsBride:  +1 

I was gonna say that, about the wine. If you’re a wine drinker, you might find it both romantic and calming to share a bottle. Maybe try taking a bath beforehand, too, just to relax. Honestly, my first time didn’t hurt at all and with the lights off and us under the covers, I wasn’t feeling insecure about my body at all (and I’m a very insecure person by nature). It’s not like we were standing there in full light staring at each-other, haha. The best thing you can do for yourself is just to employ any little tricks you have to keep yourself calm and happy. It all goes by so quick…

Post # 6
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

AnonymousBrideee:  Believe it or not that might actually be a good thing in this case that he is not. As I said I am sure he will be very understanding that you are. And as justwondering2015: there is nothing wrong with going slow. In fact, I have seen a lot of bees say on here that they were too tired the night of anyway. The first time I got married I was so tired it was outrageous but we went back to our house with some of our bridal party and he and the groomsmen went on a beer run and I slept. The hour nap actually helped a lot. 

Also, what anonybee0810: said. Nothing relaxes me more than a nice glass of wine, some candles and a nice, long, warm bath. Maybe he can wash your hair or something. Foot rubs and back massages are good ways to work up to it. I am sure, even if he is really excited for the actual act, that he will be willing to go at your pace. 

Post # 7
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Just relax. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do it THAT night. It’s weird. You’ll probably feel better if you agree to take it off the table for that night and slowly let yourself become comfortable with intimacy.

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I’m going anon on this one because it might be Too Much Information via personal details.

First, one thing to keep in mind is that a lot of couples are too tired to have sex on their wedding night.  The wedding day is wonderful but it was also a long day.  By the end of it the last thing we wanted to do was have sex.  We also had to get up the next morning to meet guests and help tidy up.  I’d talk to your Fiance and maybe suggest that you guys not have sex on your wedding night?  Tell him you want to be rested, relaxed, and have lots of time to take things slow.  Which really helps when it’s your first time.  I really didn’t have a lot of experience with even “making out” and I was shy.  I’d never seen an erect penis.  I have to say I was a bit shocked (not scared) when I did.  I thought it looked really strange..not sure what I was expecting lol  As for being naked.  It doesn’t mean you have to strip and lie under the sheets nude.  My bf and I started with kissing and let things happen slowly from there.  We took off our clothes gradually which really helped.  I was more comfortable with him seeing me naked “bit by bit”.  It really wasn’t as akward or difficult as I thought it would be.

My first time didn’t hurt at all and I didn’t bleed (not everyone does).  I believe the reason it didn’t hurt is I was relaxed (as I could be), very aroused, and wet.  Pls don’t try to have intercourse if your not wet or aroused enough.  That can cause pain.  Be honest with your Fiance if you need more time.  With my hubbie now I sometimes have to say I’m not aroused/wet enough, yet.  In general, men get aroused much more quickly than women.  Men try their best to make sure a woman is ready for sex but their not mind readers.  Your Fiance knows it’s your first time, he cares about you, and he wants to make sex as comfortable for you as he can.  Communication is important, not just for you but for him too.  I know that men are sometimes nervous when they know their partner is a virgin.  They don’t want to hurt her.  They also want to know what they can do to help!  One thing that helped me before intercourse was he slowly, gently penetrated me with his finger(s) beforehand.  Also helpful is to make sure you have a lubricant on hand.  You can buy it at any drugstore.  I hope this helps.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  whijem.
Post # 9
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I hate to say it but it will hurt. The vulva is a muscle, like any muscle that hasnt been used it will be sore. You can practice ahead of time by yourself to get a little more used to it. I’m sure he will think you are beautiful naked, he will lovingly take care of you, it’s scary but exciting at the same time. 

Post # 10
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

 

Some good advice here.

I was 29, and a virgin, on my wedding night. I even took a big red bath towel with me to lay on the hotel sheets because I was like, no, I’m not letting housekeeping deal with that, lol.

But having been a grown woman for awhile, fairly confident in being me (in my altogether, when the time came) having chatted with my guy about the wedding night ahead of time, having read enough of the mechanics of sex over the years, etc., I figured that I was as ready as I’d ever be. We also recognized that if we were too tired that night to consumate our marriage, then we’d have the morning. So, again, communication is key.

Hang in there, OP. It’s your wedding night and a consumatation of your union, not a competition. It may or may not go exactly like the textbooks describe and that’s okay. You and your new hubs can talk it through as long and as slow as you need.

 

Post # 11
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just relax, you’ll be fine… He loves you and I’m sure will go slow and make it a very special moment for you. Also, try not to be self conscious of your body, I’m sure he loves you for exactly who you are. 

Post # 12
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

whijem:  One thing I wanted to add.  While my first time didn’t hurt I was a bit sore “down there” the next day.  It wasn’t anything really painful but I could feel it.  I soaked in a warm bath tha t night before I went to bed and the next day I back to normal.  I’d never heard this mentioned at the time, so I thought I’d mention it now.

Post # 13
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I can’t suggest lube enough!!! My first time was awful because I was too scared to get wet and didn’t know about lube. After talking to a friend I got some ky from the drug store. My second time was MUCH more enjoyable!! Be patient, relax, you’ll be just fine. 

Post # 14
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

If your future husband to be is not okay with the fact that you’re afraid of sex and might not want to engage in it on your wedding night then I HIGHLY recommend you ask yourself why you’re choosing to marry this type of person. Otherwise, I suggest having this conversation with him now and explaining your fears and what is running through you’re mind. You are NOT obligated to have sex on your wedding night if you are this uncomfortable and afraid of it.

The topic ‘Virgin bride scared of wedding night’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors