(Closed) Virgin bride terrified of wedding night

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
485 posts
Helper bee

Try to relax. If you’re scared and anxious, you will feel tense and it will hurt more. Have a glass of wine (or two) and use plenty of lube. If it’s painful, it’s perfectly okay to ask him to stop. It might be a good idea to avoid penetration the first time. Just be naked together and get used to touching each other.

Post # 4
11384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@BellsforHer: I second that, TWO glasses of wine! LOL No more though, you don’t want to be drunk your first time -But relaxed! Use lots of lube, Just like she said.

& Take.It.Slow! Start off with four play, then move on to sex when you are comfortable.

Post # 5
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@BellsforHer: I agree. use lube and be RELAXED as much as you can. if you drink, try a glass of wine or two. If you don’t get too far the first night, try again the next day. It probably will hurt, but stop if it’s too painful. It is a bit scary and hurts but it’s not excruciating, just awkward having something in there the first time lol. Relax and don’t have any expectations, just love your husband and spend time with him. Maybe take a bath first? It will be fine, and so cool that you’re waiting!

Post # 6
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP. Take it really slow and if it starts to hurt have him kind of start “easing” into it, it’ll help. Good luck!

Post # 8
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

take it slow, relax, and enjoy the evening and whatever does or doesn’t happen. I would suggest being familiar with your own body and what you like/don’t like. If it’s ok for you to, ask your Fiance what he thinks he will/won’t like. Darling Husband and I waited as well, but that didn’t mean we locked it in the closest and never discussed it. We both went into our wedding night with a pretty good idea of what we liked and just having that open communication made everything so much easier.

However, I still cried. a lot. Not because of pain (it really wasn’t that bad, just a slight burning, use lube!) but just the emotion of everything – we had been together 5 years, had waited that long, it was our wedding day and night….it was just really emotional for me. Darling Husband is like what did I do?!?

Post # 9
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Check out “Intended for Pleasure.” It’s a great Christian perspective (although I do not agree with everything in it, like his advocacy of artificial/hormonal birth control,) and will answer a lot of questions like the basic “how exactly does this work?”

Plus it’s great to be able to use the book as a starting point to talk about expectations.

Post # 10
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you both have never seen each other naked or done anything sexual in the past, why don’t you just take it slow and see if you actually want to go through the act on that night. You can just get undressed, cuddle, and see where it leads you. No one says you absolutely must go through with it right then. Feel free to build yourself up to that moment later in the honeymoon, or even when you get back. 

Post # 11
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I 2nd what bree72 said!!  Relax, enjoy the time, and don’t pressure yourself to go through it all the first night.  But if you do find that you want to, then I would say (sorry if this is TMI) to “play” around first.  Doing that tends to help your body relax and prepare for sex. 


Post # 12
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the others that say take it slow.  There is nothing that says you MUST have sex on your wedding night.  A LOT of people don’t, even those who have been having sex before the wedding, just because they are exhausted.

First of all, talk to your Fiance.  Let him know how you feel.  Explain to him you want to go slow and may not suddenly be ready for everything that night.  You don’t have to be, but if you think you won’t be ready, you really should let him know that, so he is not disappointed if you don’t.

Just go slow.  Once you are married, you CAN have sex. but nothing says you have to right away.  Just work up to it.  Do as much snuggling and kissing as you are comfortable with that first night.  Maybe the next night you might be comfortable with more.  Just don’t stress yourself out and make it into something you HAVE to do.  You want to relax and realize it is now something you have given yourself permission to do.  

Post # 13
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

First, you don’t have to do it on your wedding night.  I think you would feel a lot better if you went ahead and took that pressure off yourself right now.  If you haven’t been intimate at all yet, then I would start out VERY SLOW and see where that leads you. You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, and your Fiance loves you and will respect that.

It is very likely that it will hurt, but the more relaxed you are the less it will hurt. Explain this to your Fiance so that he doesn’t rush into anything you aren’t prepared for. As long as you approach your first time with love, respect, and patience for one another, everything should be fine!

Post # 15
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with the other advice that was given.  You don’t have to have sex on the wedding night if it will be rushed, you can just mess around together and save it for another night when you are relaxed.  Make sure that he listens and if you tell him to stop, he stops right away.  For me, it hurt the first time and we didn’t get to do it very long.  I also had a little bleeding when my hymen broke but it got easier with time.

Post # 16
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with PP. If you and your Fiance can have good communication about your expectations of sex, it will make things SO MUCH EASIER not only on your wedding night but during the rest of the marriage as well. It may seem like an uncomfortable topic to bring up, but I promise you won’t regret it. 

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