(Closed) Virgin bride terrified of wedding night

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with what Pp have said and I will add one thing–use fingers. Friend told me this before I lost my V. And I’ve passed it along. Not just on that night, but during the times before that night. Have him use his fingers up there, 1, 2, 3, however many feel comfortable. It will help stretch out that area.

Relax and enjoy it.

Post # 18
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

These ladies seem to have it covered! Just go at your own pace. We waited, too…feel free to PM me; I don’t mind sharing advice in a more private setting.

Post # 19
Member
5385 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

He will like what he sees, trust me. Take it slow and do foreplay. If it is his first time it will not last long. lol My hubby and I were each other’s firsts and it took a while before I was comfortable. He just took it slow and stopped when I asked him to. 

Post # 22
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

KY Jelly is a good lube, and you can use it with condoms. Also remember you CAN get pregnant your first time, so unless you are ready for kids, organise to go on the pill or some sort of birth control, or use condoms.

Post # 23
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You may want to look for a glycerin free one, just in case you’re sensitive. None of that warming stuff. Until you know how you’ll react. If I use any with glycerin in it, it burns. Like someone took a match and put it off. 

You could also look and see if there is a sex store (not like the gross porn stores; but like one with outfits and stuff) and they might help you pick out an all natural lube. 

Post # 24
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I find that KY dries out after a little while. It’s been a long time since I’ve bought lube, but I remember liking AstroGlide better. Maybe you can start a new thread asking for lube advice.

Post # 25
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@MuchGreater: I prefer silicone based lubes.

Like http://www.amazon.com/WET-LUBES-Wet-Platinum-8-9oz/dp/B00105QFLM.

They are typically more expensive and are not water soluble, but they don’t dry out quickly. If you don’t have problems with dryness (being on birth control can completely dry you out), then a water based product like Astroglide should be fine. You can always run to an adult store and grab a few samples to try. They are really far less scary than you’d think.

Post # 26
Member
4500 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@MuchGreater: I really think you’re overthinking it. You don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. Wait till you’re really feeling it. Have you ever felt horny? You know, that feeling you get when you WANT a guy to put his penis in you? (I know you’re a virgin, but horniness doesn’t require being in a sexual situation.) I don’t mean to be crass; i’m just trying to be straight. When you want it, you’ll naturally loosen up, become lubricated (but sure, have lube on hand if you want), and he’ll be able to slip in. It might hurt a little the first time, but we’re not talking major pain here. 

I just think it’s a concern that you’re terrified. It tells me maybe you still aren’t ready. I remember when I was a virgin I was ITCHING to do it (I also waited, not for marriage, but for a particular set of circumstances).

Just remember you don’t HAVE to do it if it scares you. You should WANT it every time you do it.  

Post # 27
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

As others have said, take it slow. It varies person to person but I don’t think it hurts as much as people seem to assume it will. Is it the first time for your partner too? If so he’ll probably be quite nervous too. You don’t HAVE to have sex on your wedding night, just do whatever feels right for the two of you.

Post # 28
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MuchGreater: It’s nothing like it is in movies. My first time didn’t HURT hurt, but it was different. Your first time isn’t going to be crazy. The first time is not the time to explore crazy positions.

I remember when I lost my viriginity to Mr. Tattoo when we were 18. He wasn’t a virgin, but he was very gentle and sweet. Foreplay is key. That will help relax and prepare.

Don’t over think it. Don’t expect anything either. It’s seriously penis in vagina, some friction and pressure, you may or may not orgasm, and then it’s over.

Also, you don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. You may be too tired and you should admit that. You want to be able to enjoy your first time. Tired sex is not fun. I get kind of annoyed at Mr. Tattoo when he wakes me up at 3am. lol

Post # 29
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am not sure if I will be having sex on my wedding inight so the others are right, take it slow, its been about 5 years since I had intercourse, we do fourplay but we are waiting for sex and I believe it or not  I am  just a little not alot worried about it t it hurting at first, but i agree that you should have but no more than a glass of wine right before you have intercourse should reallllly help you relax that and lube. but once he is in all the way you will have  a lot of your own  bodys natural fluid pour out a little which is normal and that will be just as good if not better than lube…. its what happened to me my first time was that it was a little painful then just a ton of pressure but no pain and a bit uncomfertable and than I didnt feel  pain or any pressure be/c my body released its own fluid…

Post # 30
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@trugem: lol! thats what i was going to say!

Post # 31
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

A friend had given me a piece of advice, which was for me to be on top for our first time.  You can control how far in he goes, which for me was a huge help.  You can have him go in a little bit initially & then go in further when you’re more comfortable after more kissing, etc.  Keep kissing each other after he’s inside you initially, it will help keep you turned on even if you do have a little bit of discomfort & will make the rest of the “transition” so to speak, easier.  

The best piece of advice anyone can give you is just relax, go slow, enjoy it, and don’t overthink it. Even if it’s not great sex the first time around, you two will have shared such an intimate moment together that you’ve been waiting to share for a long time.  You will be married to the love of your life! He loves the way you look right now.. he’ll love it even more without anything on 🙂

To help you get in the mood some more, you could get a cute “babydoll” sort of lingerie piece.. nothing complicated but something cute/sweet but sexy at the same time (ie http://www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265547064762&c=Page&cid=1309521967907&pagename=vsdWrapper).  It will make you feel sexy & will likely “wow” him too, and his reaction when he sees you in something like that will make you feel even sexier!

 

While I didn’t make it to my wedding night, my first time was with my now husband, and I had a lot of the same feelings before my first time that you are having right now.. feel free to PM me if you need another pep talk/reassurance/advice at any time between now & then.  Sometimes it just helps to talk about it! 🙂 Good luck!

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