(Closed) Virgin on wedding night??

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@shakra:  it hurts but it’s not HORRIBLE. & chances are he will feel more awkward than you because it probably won’t last too long… but if you guys are waiting for sure then i wouldn’t suggest changing infront of him. it will be a lot more difficult to wait it out!


also, i didn’t bleed at all but my sister did like crazy (she never even used a tampon). it depends, but either way it’s normal so it won’t be a big deal… 

Post # 4
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t recommend changing in front of him before you’re married, because men get very “turned on” visually. Don’t worry, he will love what he sees on your wedding night, there is no need to get him used to it!

The pain varies a lot person to person. My pain was sort of a pressure, and it also hurt because I wasn’t getting “wet” enough. There won’t be much blood. Just put a towel underneath. That is a good idea anyway because (TMI!) the man’s semen drips out pretty quickly.

I recommend this web site, especially if you are Christian, http://site.themarriagebed.com/sexuality/engaged/sex-for-the-clueless-bride

My number one advice is don’t have high expectations for the first night. It will be clumsy and awkward (though still wonderful!) but improves quickly over time.

Post # 5
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

There is a good chance your hymen broke long ago. Did you ever play sports? Ride horses, or bikes a lot? I was a huge sports fan and my family had a small ranch with horses, so by the time I actually had sex, my hymen was loooong gone. No pain whatsoever. No discomfort. No blood.

I can only speak from what I know, but I came to visit my SO when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend in May, and we immediately started changing in front of one another. We’re a strange couple in which there is no mystery or no secrets between us, so take my advice for what you will.

As for the actual sex… take it slow. Foreplay is good. Get to know one another’s body. Touch, feel, taste, if you’re brave. Kiss, and be close to one another. Buy lube. Trust me here! Sometimes women just aren’t wet enough and it will make the entire situation a lot more comfortable for both of you. There are a lot of neat lubes out there, too, so it will add a little extra something.

Relax. Don’t think too much about it. Don’t think about your belly pudge or his hairy buttcrack or the way you have a zit on your chin. He isn’t going to care and neither are you. Just allow it to progress naturally. Don’t be disappointed if it’s short. Don’t bring it up. Don’t question him about it. It’s embarassing for men, and chances are you’ll have a much better luck next time.

Post # 6
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

First off, congrats on your wedding!  🙂 

My DH and I were both virgins on our wedding night.  It didn’t hurt for me much at all. Like a PP, it was more of a pressure than actual pain.  I didn’t bleed at all either.  Just take it slow!!!  If sex doesn’t happen that night, it’s ok.  Lube helps a LOT!  Astroglide is good.  

I wouldn’t recommend changing in front of him.  “Unveiling” yourself that night is a unique and really cool feeling.  I was sure it would be awkward and I didn’t really look forward to it, but it was great!  Sex felt weird for me the first week or so, but I got over it fast.  Now, it’s a definite favorite 🙂  

Hope things go great for you!

Post # 7
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I just want to say that if you plan it right it will not hurt at all. Pain comes from you not being ready. By ready, I mean completely relaxed, feeling safe, loved, comfortable and that you’re not going to be judged …which all lead to you getting wet (sry that sounds so crude!) and your opening be able to stretch. If you’re dry and nervous your body is not going to stretch and then you will tear and bleed.

To continue and be a bit more graphic … bear with me. You probably already know this, but you or he should try inserting 1, then 2 fingers to start. When it does come time for him to insert, have him hold the head pressing just a little bit against your opening. As you take deep breaths and relax, you will eventually open and if he goes extremly slow it shouldn’t be painful.

If you’re curious why I can give this advice – I’m a tiny gal and if I haven’t done it in awhile its like taking my virginity all over again.

Post # 8
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@MidwestMouse:  “I just want to say that if you plan it right it will not hurt at all.”

I must respectfully disagree. Not everyone’s experience is the same. I read up so much, thought I knew what to expect… how wrong I was! For a start my hymen was quite thick, or strong, or something, that it hurt so much it took several tries (nights) to break it. Also on the first night hubby was rather, um, excited, so 30 minutes of foreplay wasn’t feasible. Not to mention the fact that he didn’t know where to touch (even though he had done his homework too) so I had to guide him. There are lots of other things that can go not as planned too.

What I’m saying is don’t have high expectations. If you have pain free sex first time, wonderful. If you don’t, you’ve got a whole lifetime to get it right.

Post # 9
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You’ll be fine, I promise.  We waitstills I still think about how beautiful that whole night was.  I had pain, but nothing as bad as what I expected.  

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