(Closed) Virgin seeking questions about wedding night

posted 5 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 2
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Missionary is the easiest position for the beginner. Maybe have some champange to relax, have lube and take it slow. Lots of foreplay. Explore each other. As he is a virgin he probably will not last long. Won’t lie, it might hurt the first few times but everyone is different. 

Post # 3
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House

Go slow and just relax! It’s going to be awkward at first and may be a bit painful. Lots of foreplay, just enjoy each other! Seconding the champange as well.

Post # 4
787 posts
Busy bee

If you’re anxious about him seeing you naked you can always build up to that too. Get a baby doll or a chemise for the first few times and keep it on during.  I’m self conscious about my body and often wear some kind of cute nighty during sex. Grab a glass of wine and DO NOT pressure yourselves!  The first few times are kind of sucky and are not at all the magical moments you imagine them to be. Unfortunate, but true. 

Post # 5
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

To decrease pain,  foreplay is your friend. Make sure you get plenty, it will relax your muscles and cut down on that first time pain. Also lube is your friend, always keep some in the bedroom. Missionary is great for beginners. Though if you’re like me, and can’t feel anything during missionary after the first few times after you lose your virginity, here are a fewother good positions. Doggy style is great (thoigh I hate saying “doggy style”) the angle of entry makes it always pleasurable (at least for me) you’re also not facing each other during this which cuts down on the awakward. Havig sex in the spooning position where you’re both laying down on your sides are great for the same reasons.

Also don’t pressure yourselves. Losing your virginity is hardly like the hollywood moments when the.virgins has mind-blowing sex the first time. The first time and the next few.times will be clumsy, awakward, and a little confusing. But that’s totally ok, because it is that way for.everyone.

Post # 6
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

he is going to be just as nervous as you are… I would say do a lot of kissing and heavy petting… There is no rule you have to have sex the first night… But if you do , have a glass of wine or two… Let him touch your vagina with his fingers to kinda ease you into it… Also woman on top is easier bc you control how deep his penis will go in. him being a virgin he won’t last long and you prob won’t get an orgasam the first time bc you will still be getting use to the sex thing and exploring what feels good and doesn’t for your body… Take it in stride bc its a learning thing for everyone, be verbal with him of what you do and do not like .. If something hurts tell him .. Some men will just do whatever unless you speak up. 


  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  Mandy0721.
Post # 7
9589 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

id just say take your time and split a bottle of wine first! (Lol but seriously). Your bodies know what to do- just go slow. And know that’s there’s no such thing as doing it “right” – it’s a lifelong journey! And if there was a “right” you’re not going to be there your first… 200 + times haha. Just have fun and don’t take it too seriously. 

Post # 8
4820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

redheadgirl550:   You can have candlelight, or leave the lights off if you are uncomfortable.  Touching in the dark is great!  I was also a virgin on my wedding night (he wasn’t) and I was on top.  Even so, the pain was excruciating.    My advice is to think long term.  It takes a while to get to know each other’s bodies, what works, and what doesn’t.  Take it slow, communicate well, and don’t expect too much too soon – in time things will all come together.  It’s a beautiful journey!  

Post # 9
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I highly recommend that you guys take it slow and do a lot of soft touching.  Start with a massage, clothed however much you want.  When you both get warmed up, the urge to undress will come on its own.  you could cuddle and where there is exposed skin, lightly run your fingers across, to the degree and wherever you feel comfortable.  Often, this soft, slow,gentle touch does enough on its own to make the experience seem special.  

If alcohol works for you, a glass of wine can help loosen you up, too.

Post # 10
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Ok. I feel weird typing this but I want to get real with you. Get naked and check yourself out in the mirror. You might notice some imperfections (you might not!). Now, take some time to recognize immediately that you are way more critical of yourself than other people are. Think back to a time you were self conscious about an outfit and everyone loved it. Or you thought your hair looked weird but then it looked wonderful in a photo. Your Fiance loves you and he will not be judgmental. He will be in awe.

Now, if you are more comfortable wearing a baby doll or some kind of nightgown then do it. The most important thing is that you do what makes you feel comfortable, but if you want my opinion, just be naked. This man will be your husband at this point. It’s ok to be nervous, he will be too! But eventually you are going to be naked in front of him, so why not on your wedding night? But again, don’t feel pressured to do something that doesn’t feel right for you.

Regardless of what you wear, this is an important time to establish a good line of communication about each other’s needs in the bedroom. Tell him how you feel. If something feels good, say so! This feedback is very important for men. If he is not being very communicative, ask him if he likes something. I know that feels awkward and intimidating, but down the road you will be grateful you have an open line of communication. As other Bees have mentioned, it takes time to get to know each other’s bodies. It’s best if you both feel comfortable guiding each other in the right direciton.

And speaking of providing guidance, if you aren’t already, get familiar with your body. I don’t know anything about your religious affiliation or other reservations, but you don’t have to do anything your’re not ok with. I don’t mean to be condescending if this is not an issue for you, but make sure you know where all the relevant anatomical items are. This will be immensely helpful to him. If you guys are feeling adventurous, it might be fun to get a little book on sexual positions and such, and experiment with them on your honeymoon. This will help both with communication and finding what you both like. I would stick with missionary the first few times. It’s definitely the most comfortable to start, but over your honeymoon you might want to try something else. A book might sound weird, but it may be less awkward then being like “ok you go over there, and I’ll sit here like this…” But maybe that’s not true. Maybe a book sounds horrid to you. Now is a good time to repeat my mantra: don’t feel pressured to do something that doesn’t feel right to you.

As for the pain, ok yeah it might hurt. Some women don’t experience any pain though. Don’t psych yourself out. It’s nothing you can’t handle, trust me. Foreplay is key. This goes straight to communicaiton. Just experiment and go slowly. You’ll figure it out. Having a glass or two of wine will help. Don’t let him get too drunk though, this sometimes has adverse effects for men in the bedroom. Afterwards, if you have any lingering discomfort, opt for an ibuprofin (advil). It’s anti-inflammatory and is the best pain medicine when you are experiencing bleeding.

Above all else: do not freak out! This is a wonderful experience and you will be sharing it with the man you love under the most beautiful of circumstances. You two will figure it out together. Enjoy your wedding!

Post # 11
72 posts
Worker bee

Re: position

I recommend one where you are in control of the motion, like being on top or straddling. It’s recommend advice from sex counselors for people who are nervous about sex because it gives you the control. 🙂

Post # 12
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My main tip- is start talking about it with your fiance!!  The more comfortable you are talking about sex with him, the more comfortable you will be when you actually do it.  Make sure you communicate during sex as well- tell him what is uncomfortable and what feels good.  This will make sex a much better experience for you both.  

My second tip is make sure you pee after- UTIs are no fun!!

Post # 13
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If you can, get one of the books by Dr Laura Bermann.

Post # 14
537 posts
Busy bee

Put a towel under you that you are willing to ruin- you’ll probably bleed a little. Also be sure to have at least teo absorbent hand towels at the bedside that you can use “for clean-up.” Just a kleenex is probably not enough…

Post # 15
553 posts
Busy bee

Just wanted to let you know how much I admire people who wait until marriage. If more people did there would be so much less broken hearts, STD’s and Aids, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, deadbeat dads, welfare, etc. etc. etc. You are a gem.

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