(Closed) Virgin seeking questions about wedding night

posted 5 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 16
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

I was a virgin on my wedding night (he wasn’t, though he didn’t have much experience) and I felt no pain. Definitely go slow – really, really slow with lots of foreplay! Taking off clothes is something that can go slow, too, and be part of the foreplay. We didn’t using the lingerie I had for our first time, but Darling Husband completely loved it on me when we finally brought it out during once our honeymoon and I didn’t take it off until after we were finished that time.

I recommend using lube if you don’t produce much natural lubricant. Make sure you’re loose down there before he tries to enter! He’ll probably have to use his fingers to help this along. I like being on top – as a petite woman, missionary position can be a little uncomfortable for me because he goes too deep if I shift a certain way. Being on top wil allow you to control how fast and how deep he goes. Definitely have a glass of wine, or whatever your preference is, beforehand to calm your nerves if it’ll work. Don’t be nervous! The first time might not be perfect, but you can still enjoy it! I second having wipes handy, as well – at first, I used moistened paper towels that Darling Husband would get for me, but I bought some feminine wipes after the honeymoon – I use those every time, now.

Post # 17
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

lareolin:  that was unnecessarily judgey and rude. Some of us didn’t have the choice to wait until marriage and some people do choose to have sex before marriage, because women are now sexually liberated enough to make their own choices without having to worry about others judging them. No need to make those women feel bad in order to laud those who wait. Waiting is fine, not waiting is fine. Don’t be a judgmental dick toward either choice.

Post # 19
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

lareolin:  What a strange thing to say! Broken hearts? Plenty of married people get their hearts broken. Save-The-Date Cards and AIDs? Married people can get those, too. Same with unwanted pregnancies and abortions. Plenty of deadbeat dads AND moms after a marriage breaks up. And welfare? Plenty of married people on that, too. Has NOTHING to do with being a virgin or not. Lmao! Just weird.

Post # 20
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

lareolin:  Based on the threads here involving post-marriage intimacy issues for those who did not have sex before marriage, it definitely doesn’t eliminate all of the problems to wait until the wedding night.  And that’s about the least judgy response I can come up with for your judgey post.

Post # 21
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

ren89:  I didnt wait for marriage either, but I disagree with you. I thought lareolin’s post was- like it or not- pretty accurate. I mean, there would be fewer of all the things she listed if everyone waited. But I do agree with you that (1) waiting is not for everyone and (2) unfortunately, some women/girls are victims of assault and are not able to choose to wait.

Post # 22
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

lareolin:  oh no you must have been absent that day in health class. There is this thing called “birth control”. An example is CONDOMS. You can have all the sex you want and you will not end up with AIDS and an unwanted child! How awesome, right?!

Post # 23
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

lareolin:  Ooooof. Really?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  Nontra.
Post # 24
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

These king of posts always make me cringe and wonder if some horny guy is on the other end reading the kind replies and getting off on it. Ew.

Get a book and/or talk to a friend IRL.

Post # 25
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My Fiance and I are waiting too 😀 Do you make out or anything physical? Talk about your expectations and just HAVE FUN. Our bodies were built for it.

Post # 26
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

redheadgirl550:  So first of all, don’t expect the first time to be good- It almost never is the first time. It hurts (usually), you may bleed (put a towel under you), doesn’t last and is awkward as hell. Don’t let that stop you or scare you away from having a great sex life. It does get better with trial and error and good communication. As you two get more comfortable with eachother it can become great!

With that said, LUBE, lots of foreplay and then missionary position is usually the easiest and doesn’t hurt as much. Communication is key! If he does something you don’t like/it is painful, talk him through it and encourage him to do the same.

Post # 27
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Beach

Oh dear. Pain during intercourse, especially for the first time, is something that is nearly always avoidable, but happens far too often. For most women, sex shouldn’t hurt. Some have medical conditions that make it painful and if this is the case, your doctor can help you out. But for the average woman, lubrication and comfort are key. If you and your partner have never seen each other naked before, it might make sense (and lead to better sex) if you wait until after your wedding night. You’ll probably be nervous and scared and that tension tends to make sex painful. 

I would suggest waiting until your honeymoon or a few weeks after your wedding to have sex for the first time. Be intimate in other ways, even if that’s just kissing while naked or showering together. Whatever makes you comfortable. Take your time. You guys will have just promised to spend the rest of your lives together; waiting another week or month or even year to have sex doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

Also, you should consider letting him finger you. It usually helps with lubrication, gets you comfortable with him touching you there, and can help you get used to penetration. I suggest you do this for multiple days, starting with one finger and working up from there. 

It really doesn’t need to hurt. If it does, kindly ask your partner to go more slowly or stop and go back to foreplay. There’s no shame in saying, “I’m not ready quite yet.”

Post # 28
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

RedHeadKel:  Thanks for that strange reply!  Sorry for making too much sense for you to understand.

raspberrymojito:  Oh, you must have been absent that day in health class or just be stupid enough to believe that condoms = no Save-The-Date Cards or AIDS, or pregnancy, EVER.  Duh.

Kaymar:  Um, ok, I was going to thank you for reply which was nicer than the other two replies, until I read your last sentence. Sorry again for making too much sense for some people here. 

Nontra:  Oooff, yeah.

Anyone else care to tell OP that you admire her?  Or did you all miss that part of my post?  Go back and read it again then.  Thanks!

Post # 29
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Have a few drinks so you feel more relaxed and less inhibited. Don’t worry about him seeing you for the first time, just know that he will be PSYCHED to see you naked but is just as nervous as you. As PP have said, just build up slowly and take your time until you feel hot & heavy & ready to go! Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves. You have a lifetime to have sex so if on your wedding night it doesn’t feel right, try again in the morning. Go slow and don’t try to do anything too ambitious. Just go for good old fashioned missionary position! Oh, and try to remember that this is just as new to your man as it is to you. If he is having trouble “finding” the right spot, show him. If he wants reassurance, give it to him. And have fun!!!

Post # 30
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

edited because i can’t be bothered

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  Nontra.
Post # 31
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

lareolin:  

The topic ‘Virgin seeking questions about wedding night’ is closed to new replies.

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