Post # 1
So, my fiance and I are in our mid-twenties and we’re virgins. We will not be able to have our honeymoon until next summer (Our wedding is in the begining of spring). We decided we will just take a couple of days off after getting married to have lots of sex since we have to go back to work shortly after. Is that even realistic? do you have any advice on how I could prepare? I’m already considering dilating myself several months before the wedding.
Post # 2
Just take it easy and don’t dilate. My partner and I waited for a while until any physical intimacy other than kissing and we only had 4 days together when we did do it (we were long distance at that time because he moved for school). The first night it was not easy, it required a lot of lube and mental prep to “relax” when he’s entering. I think I am unusually tight (sorry tmi) so I think that’s why it was difficult for me. We still did it like crazy that whole weekend but I don’t think I could have without a lot of foreplay (and that included a lot of kissing while fully clothed) and lube. To this day, I have to take the first night easy when we see each other because I literally get almost virgin tight after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks. At the same time, I have friends who did it the first night and it was no problem and no discomfort. They have intercourse and it’s easy every time. Every person is different!
Post # 3
wait. Whats dilating? I’ve been having sex for 14 years and I don’t think I have ever heard of this.
Also, I think taking a few days off after the wedding to relax and enjoy each others company is a great idea.
As for preparing, buy some cute lingerie, have a Glass of wine and relax. It’s natural & fun. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself!!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
Honestly, it should be up to you and your FH. There’s nothing wrong with that — just take things at a pace that is both comfortable to you both; the both of you can go over foreplay — what each of you would like. You could get some nice lingerie if you wanted to….
KY Jelly is probably good to have on hand. It might help to start with 1 finger, then slowly increase it to 2 fingers during mid to later part of foreplay.
DH and I were both virgins when we were dating. Just communicate a lot. If it hurts, try something else or tell him to slow down. Communication is key.
Post # 5
they have things that look like dildos but they come in a set of 5 different sizes to work yourself up to a bigger size (“normal” size) so that it is not as painful the first night.
Post # 6
I’ve never found it painful >.> OP, do you have a reason to think you’ll be exceptionally tight down there? Because normally there’s no “prep” required for a first time aside from taking it slow and getting yourself good and, erm, enthusiastic.
Post # 7
oohh. Yeah, I don’t really think you need to do that. I don’t see how it would work anyway because your vagina swells and naturally expands and prepares for the P to enter the V. Then once it does, it acts kind of like a suction cup and tightens around the penis. After sex, your vagina goes back to the same size it was. The only reason a lot of women have pain during their first time (myself included) is because they aren’t fully aroused and aren’t relaxed which tightens up the muscles down there and make it hard for things to enter. Even now if I am not fully aroused it might hurt a little.
My best advice: lube and lots of foreplay, relax & have fun. Your body will do the rest, on its own.
Post # 8
Lube and foreplay, like everyone said. Might be good to get some message oils, so he can rub you and really relax you.
Have you seen each other naked? Are you comfortable being nude around him? If not, are you comfortable starting to see each other nude? That could help some of the nervousness.
Post # 9
I never found sex to be painful and I’ve never needed lube. We were each other’s firsts and we just took it slow with lots of foreplay and made sure that we were both comfortable. Honestly, my biggest advice is to not overthink it and just enjoy yourself. Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourselves to have some sort of perfect, magical moments.
Post # 10
There’s not much you can do to prepare and I don’t think you need to do much to prepare anyway. It will probably be awkward and clumsy the first time. That’s okay.
One thing you could do to make it easier on you is to have a trash can, a package of baby wipes and some clean towels next to your bed to clean up with afterwards. Also have him use a condom. Otherwise you both will be making a mad dash to the bathroom after your first time and that’s not very sexy. 🙂
As far as lube goes… I think a condom should provide enough lubrication for you on your first time. If you do go the lube route, I would suggest buying from an “adult bookstore” and tell the clerk what you need and what you’ll be doing with it. They’ll be able to guide you to a product that is safe to use.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
There are many sensual things you can do.. that can build up both your arousal and anticipation for each other.
For example, kissing behind the ears. Enjoying chocolate dipped strawberries together. Taking a shower together…
Pretty much anything that will give you that rush of oxytocin will help you relax; all you need is to let go and really fall in love, lol. The more relaxed you are, the more enjoyable your first time will be. (And I second the condom idea above if you aren’t planning to TTC right away.)
Also, don’t expect to feel pain. Everyone’s first time experience could be different.
Post # 12
It didn’t happen the first night for us. Nothing fit. I was upset. But I’m very small and I expected it. It took a couple of days and the discovery of lube is really when things were able to… progress
Post # 13
emmm… just do it, I dont know anyone who has ‘prepped’ for sex normally because your first time is spur of the moment when it feels right – it would feel wierdly clinical to set a time and date for it
you dont need to prep anything because our bodies are made for this and you shouldnt ‘need’ lube unless you have a hormonal problem such a menopause – if your going in dry their lies the problem slow down and take your time your body will naturally lube itself as you get aroused
and as long as your hubby doesnt have a willy like an elephants tunk you really dont need to streach anything, I would avoid doing that, many women would like to ‘unstretch’ things later in life and have to do the opposit excersize to tighten it… after all no one wants a prolapse or incontenance
Post # 14
I don’t think that is necessary. Just take it slow, make sure you know how each other is feeling, and don’t have any expections- it will be fine. My husband and I lost our virginities to each other. I will admit that I did bleed a decent amount the first time and there was pain- but not terrible pain and not constant pain, but it was still super special because he was so sensitive and sweet and we loved each other. The second time, it didn’t hurt anymore and I bled only very slightly, and the third time I didn’t bleed at all. Everyone is different though- many people don’t bleed or have any pain, but even if you do it won’t ruin the experience. 2 words of advice: definitely get some lube- it is super helpful especially for the first time, and remember to pee before and after- UTIs are no fun!