Post # 46
Right, spending time with his mother isn’t the issue – I am fine with that part; but that fact that she demanded it, pushed until she got what she wanted, and basically trapped him into it by gifting him a ticket (AFTER he said he didn’t have time to make the trip) is what irritates me.
FWIW, I spoke with DH about making sure that next time they visit or we visit them for more than a day, he needs to make the effort to (a) spend time with BOTH parents and (b) find one thing to do one-on-one with his mom – take her out to lunch or go to a movie or something… maybe if he actually spends time with her when the opportunity is there, it will improve things.
Post # 47
It helps so much to be clear on the issue, which you are. I think your suggestions to your DH for your next visit all sound wise. Also, I’m not telling you that you have to be paranoid, but I do suggest keeping your feelers out there for indications that your Mother-In-Law might be using manipulation tactics next time you see her. It might prompt a discussion to help make your boundaries clear. It’s also important for your DH to be on the same page as you and remember that, when you visit his family, you’re visiting as a unit. He’s not going back home to his primary family. You’re his primary family, and you’re visiting together. Keeping that in mind really does help – it helped me and my DH a lot!