(Closed) Visiting my fiancé's family, Mom disapproves?

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rchicklets:  Does your mother know your fiance’s mother? Would it help if your mother could talk to her and be reassured you are sleeping in the spare room?

In fact to me “visiting boyfriend’s family, staying in the spare room” often implies sex is not happening. By staying in the spare room, you and your fiance are demonstrating that you are handling things differently to his mother and her bf.

Other than that, you may need to take the line of “I’m an adult and I can decide”. You obviously want to spend time with your fiance, so you’ve got to go there somehow.

Another possibility is he visits you instead? Or is that already happening also, or does your mother not let that happen?

I have a daughter in a very similar situation but rather than say too much publicly, you can message me.

Post # 4
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You’re an adult, she should trust that you know yourself and your values. You’re definitely not going insane!

Post # 5
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You’re an adult and should make your own choices. If you’re ready to get married you should be ready to stand up to your mother.

Post # 6
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow. What a pain. I’m sorry, I will just never be able to understand how someone like your mom can see the world in such black and white “I’m right and anyone who doesn’t do exactly what I do is wrong” lenses. 

Doll, if you feel comfortable with what you’re doing ethically/morally or whatever – you do that. Be your authentic self. Frankly, whatever you do or do not do is between you, your Fiance and God. Not your mother. 

Post # 7
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ugh I’m sorry. You’re not wrong.And she shouldn’t judge. He can’t change his family. And they seem nice.

Post # 8
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

You should arrange a meeting between the two sets of “parents”. Your mother will find it hard to demonise them once she has met them. Even better, why don’t you suggest a local, US based cultural holiday together? Take in some sights, discuss a bit of local history, have a few glasses of wine in the evening? You might get your Mum to loosen up a bit. With any luck, his Mum will confirm that you are not having sex under their roof during this time, and it will feel like a natural disclosure rather than a forced lie.

Beyond that though, you’re an adult, and you have to make your own decisions. My Mum was a complete pain in the arse when I got with my boyfriend (now my FI). She disapproved of us taking holidays together etc etc and kept trying to get me to promise I wouldn’t have sex before marriage (which was ****** hypocritical of her, actually). I told her politely but firmly that my relationships were my business, that I was a grown woman, and that dating comes before marriage… short of an arranged marriage, one has to date before one marries! If she ever wants grandchildren, she has to back off and let you try to build a long lasting adult relationship based on mutual respect.

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