Post # 1
**Disclaimer: Darling Husband and I do not have kids but will start NTNP this fall-ish.
With kids on the horizon in the foreseeable future it just has me paying attention to things I used to not give a second thought to LIKE visitors after baby is born.
Knowing how our families are and the fact our child would most likely be the first grandchild for our parents and first niece/nephew for Darling Husband and I’s siblings I can only imagine how excited they will be. Their excitement also has me a little nervous because BOTH of our families can be a little over the top when sharing even the smallest life news. I literally think they would be in the delivery room (minus probably our dads, haha) if we would allow it.
Darling Husband and I are both people pleasers, especially with family. Although, I’m a little sterner and “put my foot down” type than Darling Husband and I DREAD when we tell our families the plans for visitors after baby because someone will do the poor me, we just want to meet him/her & we’re so excited card.
Right now, I do want that initial few hours immediately after birth for Darling Husband, myself and new baby. I should note that Darling Husband has never really had a new baby in his family or extended family, but I have had plenty of little baby cousins. For me, it was normal to go visit baby in the hospital right after it was born. I remember seeing my aunt and new cousin and while the floor was cleaned up, I saw a few specks of blood on the floor that they probably missed because it was a quick clean up. Like it probably JUST happened, and we were in there holding baby and passing her around. I could not imagine allowing people in THAT soon regardless of what number child it was (I think it was my aunts 2<sup>nd</sup>).
I think I would be okay with hospital visitors versus home visiting. Its rare that I volunteer to do anything or host anything at my house now anyways, I’m just not that kind of person so I figure hospital visits would lighten the number of visitors at home.
So purely out of curiosity – what was your visitor policy? Did you prefer hospital visitors VS home? Who did you allow to come to the hospital? How did you handle people who didn’t seem to want to follow your “rules”? Who did you allow to come to your house? You get the idea…
I definitely am aware that all situations are different as well! C-section VS vaginal, NICU stays, etc etc so interested to know how those factors played into your decision as well!
Post # 2
The ideal thing is that with no other children or childcare to arrange, no one even has to know you’re at the hospital until the baby is born and you’re ready for visitors. So just don’t TELL them until you’re ready.
Post # 3
Agree with PP. you can of course wait to tell them. We’ve had 2 (with a 3rd c section happening in July). We’ve had close friends and family visit in the hospital (we told them when they could come) and then had people in and out at home per our invitation only. Also, we requested our parents (our friends all had small children so we’re up to date) all get their TDAP updated before visiting with our new babies. Honestly, I think youll find your inner mama bear and begin to set some boundaries- it kind of comes naturally. There’s a lot of adjustment in the first few weeks. Visitors are great- especially helpful visitors who clean, make dinners, rock babies so you can shower etc. but you have to figure out what’s helpful and what’s too much. And then don’t be afraid to enforce what you feel- you’ll be so tired that you kind of lose your filter a little (or I do) and people get the hints real quick! Good luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
No kids yet, but we’ve already decided we will not have visitors at the hospital. That time will just be for us to get used to such a huge life change, without the distraction of family or friends. We’ll gladly welcome visitors once we are home.
Post # 5
Our hospital had a policy, no visitors for 2 hours after the birth. So that helped us. It also helped that our son was born at 10 in the evening, past the unofficial visiting hours. On their website they said visiting hours were over at 10 p.m. but we were actually told in the hospital that they allow visitors at any time. But family didn’t need to know that.
We told family that we would let them know when we were ready for visitors. We still had our parents saying they were going to drive to the hospital the minute we told them he was born, but we shut that down fast. I think in the end people were happy when they finally got to see him, but we did have some relatives telling our parents that there was no way they would ever have let their kid keep them away from their grandchild and that they would have been there the second he was born. We just laughed at that.
We only had parents and siblings come visit us in the hospital. We weren’t expecting to be there as long as we were, and had we known we would have been there that long we probably would have let our grandparents come to.
Post # 6
kmbumbee190618 : we told everyone that they need to get their Tdap vaccine if they wanted to hold the baby and we only allowed immediate family at the hospital the day of the birth and that was a few hours after he was born. We wanted to do skin to skin and spend time as a family before allowing others to come in.
I allowed extended family to come see him the next day at the hospital but didn’t allow visitors at home right away.
Everyone had something to say especially about the vaccine which most didn’t get and were so surprised then we stood out ground and didn’t allow anyone to hold him but youi need to have a tough skin because at the end of the day the health and safety of our child trumped everyone’s feelings.
Post # 7
We had our baby at about 2:30PM Dec 31st. We didn’t allow any visitors until 3PM Jan 1st. We had EVERYONE come to the hospital.. grandparents, great grandparents, great uncles/aunts, cousins, etc. and then we didn’t really have any visitors at home except an occasional grandma or grandpa visit. Getting it all over with at the hospital was really nice, because I didn’t feel the need to “host” anyone at my house, I was able to stay in bed, people were pretty much in-and-out because hospitals tend to make people uncomfortable (and our room was small).
If you feel like people are going to invade your time with your baby or even your birth, let the nurses know. They will take care of it.
Post # 8
kmbumbee190618 : With my first baby we texted our families on the way to the hospital when I was in labor and they all ended up there in the waiting room. Similar to what you mention with your aunt – as soon as I was cleaned and stitched up, our families came in. All those first pics are our families and then me with my boobs out trying to let the guy latch. I regret it immensly.
I am having #2 in a few weeks and this time, the ONLY person who will be told is my mom when I am in labor, because she is going to come stay with our toddler at our house. Once the baby is born we will text our families to let them know she is here and then say that we will let them know when we’re ready for visitors. No one will meet her until after my son does. I know for a fact my dad (my parents are divored) will throw a fit about it, but idgaf. My medical procedure, my baby, my choice. I imagine if she is born at a similar time as my son was (born about 6pm) then we will have my son over first thing the next morning to meet her and then family can come visit that afternoon.
Post # 9
Do not allow drop-in visits. They can wait to be invited. And space out the invitations so you don’t get exhausted. Guests don’t get to sit on your couch for hours holding the baby while you fetch them coffee and snacks. He or she your baby; it’s always your turn. When you need guests to go, tell them so.
Vaccinations. No smokers. No taking the baby out of the room. Baby is not a toy or a time-share or Prozac to make them happy; baby is not “bonding” with anyone except Mother and Father for several years. Set boundaries; protect yourself and your privacy and your post-partum time.
Post # 10
Don’t tell anyone you are in labor/hospital until after the baby is born. Hospital visit is okay, when you are ready. You/partner can call to announce once the birth has happened. Home visitation may come with hosting expectations so try to avoid it. Let nurses know if you are not accepting visitors at a certain time so they can police that for you.
Post # 11
The plan was for my mom to be with us in the delivery room because I wanted her moral support. Dh is really squeamish so I worried he’d faint or something lol. But then I went into labor a week early and my parents couldn’t get there in time (they live a 12-hr drive away), so it ended up just being dh and me through the birth – and honestly, it was wonderful. I am really glad it worked out that way. Dh totally rose to the occasion and was my rock. I was lucky to have a very straightforward, easy birth (as easy as such a thing can be!), so that obviously helped too.
My parents hit the road when I told them I was in labor and ended up arriving at the hospital maybe 8-9 hrs after our baby was born. I have a good relationship with them and was really excited to see them on the day…it was just such a joyful occasion. It’s been six months and I still think about the happiness of that day every single day, including the joy of my parents meeting their first grandchild. But i’m also glad we had some time as a family of 3 before they arrived!
My parents then stayed with us for two weeks to help out. I appreciated that a lot – they cooked all our meals, cleaned the house, and babysat here and there so dh and I could get some occasional rest. However, my husband was at his wit’s end because they were staying with us and it was just a lot for him. But, he’s not the one who was recovering from giving birth while also learning how to breastfeed etc etc sooooo, it wasn’t his call.
As for my in laws – they live in another country and had originally planned to come a couple weeks after my due date….but then flipped a shit when we said we wanted them to get flu shots. They refused to do that, so they didn’t end up meeting the baby til she was four months old and flu season was over. It’s all good with them now though.
Post # 12
Baby was born early morning via c-s. We had grandparents only that night, our siblings (but no nieces or nephews) the next day and my best friend came up the third day alone. That’s it and it was more than enough.
My baby was also born during a bad flu season so I don’t think the hospital was allowing children to visit unless it was their own sibling. I can’t remember since it didn’t really apply to us since we weren’t allowing kids anyways.
Protecting & advocating for your child is now your #1 priority, not who you will disappoint by delaying their wishes. Everyone will get to meet baby so you choose a schedule that works for you – and also know you have the right to change your mind after the baby is born either way.
Post # 13
kmbumbee190618 : the only person who knew I was in labor was my best friend who had to come pick up our dog. Baby came a couple weeks early and it was amazing calling my mom and saying “hey you want to come meet your granddaughter?” she flipped out (in a good way!) like “omg you had the baby?! Wait it’s a girl?!” and rushed to the hospital. I think my parents broke every driving law in the state because they got there faster than I would have imagined humanely possible so next kid I will wait a little longer to make the call lol.
The visitor policy at home was no visitors two days in a row and it was an amazing policy and I was firm on it. No one was exempt. If we had people over on Monday absolutely no one could come again until Wednesday. My Mother-In-Law got a little overbearing with the calls and texts so we had to go no contact with her for about a week because we were so overwhelmed but otherwise it was great. No long term hard feelings. I’m good at making boundaries and my husband really stepped up and enforced them. He was very protective of me and his support made all the difference.
Post # 14
IMO it’s kind of a wait and see thing. You might be totally fine and feeling up for visitors and you might not. I wouldn’t set anything in stone until you have the baby. We did have some visitors in the hospital but it was different because my son was in the NICU. I’m pregnant again and due in July and I think we’ll skip visitors the first day and maybe allow some close family the 2nd day.
Post # 15
kmbumbee190618 : I had a very long and difficult delivery, and it ended up that all 4 grandparents were waiting in my hospital room when they wheeled me in from recovery (I had a c section). Looking back on it, I’m really irritated about that. I know they were excited to meet the baby, but I was in no condition to have visitors and had just been separated from my baby for hours b/c of a complication during my c section. I needed quiet time with my husband and baby.
Having the grandparents as visitors at home was much better. They were all great about helping out around the house while I was nursing, and being respectful that I was getting the hang of nursing so they couldn’t just hold the baby whenever they felt like it. I didn’t require people to have the TDAP if they wanted to visit, but everyone had to wash hands and no kissing the baby on the head.
My recommendation is to not worry at all about being a “good host” to visitors at home in those first few weeks. They can get their own damn coffee! Also, if/when we have a second baby, absolutely no visitors allowed in the hospital at all. My bossy mom is going to have a fit, but I don’t care.