(Closed) Visitors after the baby – am I being unreasonable?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um, boarding your dogs is not bad for them. I think it’s really disrespectful for her to demand that they be present when you guys are clearly going to have your hands full. I would feel the same way. What if they agitate the baby? What if their barking/yelping wakes the baby? Hold your ground!

Post # 4
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your mom is being unreasonable. I love dogs just like the next person but she is being pretty darn melodramatic. If she can’t bear to leave her dogs either in the hotel or in a crate in order to visit with her GRANDCHILD the issue is with her, not you. Most babies are still not sleeping through the night at a month old and the LAST thing you want to deal with is not one, but TWO yappy dogs…..who may or may not be trained.

Crying all night? Cancelling future plans? Your mom is making what should be a peaceful time, a lot more stressful with these antics. As a new mother, the focus should be on you, not on your mom. Stand your ground on this one, you and your husband have legitimate concerns.

Post # 5
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I agree with crayfish and Jamaciabride- your mom is the unreasonable one. My mom tries to bring her dachshunds over to my house and the rule is that they are not allowed inside. Our cat hates them and we don’t want the destruction, our house is not doggie proof.

give her some time to calm down, but stay firm with your no doggies in the house rule.

Post # 6
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow, kind of sounds like your mom is trying to manipulate the situation a bit here (crying? threatening to cancel Christmas plan? really?)

I am full on board with being respectful to one’s parents, but you also shouldn’t let them walk all over you. I think asking them to be crated is reasonable. Can she crate them in your garage (if you have one) while she is there? They would be out of the heat but not in the house and she could still bring them.

You need to hold your ground on this one though, that’s a little immature of her.

Post # 7
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Uh, it’s your baby – if you don’t want hyperactive, nervous, un-housetrained dogs around him/her, then that’s your decision! It’s YOUR baby, and you are only trying to do what you think is best for your new family. I think your mom is being rediculous. She should try to be more accomodating to you – the brand new mom – than to her dogs.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think your Mom is being manipulative and I would totally call her bluff by saying that you understand if they can’t make it and want to cancel Christmas. Trust me, when the baby comes she will do ANYTHING to see it, so if that means getting a dog sitter for 2 days I think she’ll suddenly be OK with it!

Post # 9
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even if you weren’t having a baby and they were just visiting, I think you have every right to refuse to house her dogs. I would never visit family and insist on taking mine. I might ask “is it ok is we bring the dogs?”, but I would never insist. That is just ridiculous. 

And I’m with moderndaisy…I think she’ll be tooting a different horn once the baby’s here. 

Post # 10
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I also refuse to board my dogs, but I think requesting to crate them for a short while is totally reasonable.  Don’t let her get to you!

Post # 11
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow, totally agree with all the other posters. your mom is being ridiculous.

Post # 12
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

You need to have control over what happens in your own home with respect to your new baby.  If you don’t want the dogs loose in your house, that’s your perogative.  You’ve given her other reasonable options.

2 weeks after the baby was born, we were still very much trying to figure everything out.  You don’t need added stress at that point.  I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her to crate her dogs at your house or at the hotel.

We had no out of town guests for the first month, and even at a month we felt like it was pretty early!

You are definitely doing the right thing here!

Post # 13
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Does she bring the dogs when she visits you now?  Why is the post-baby visit different?  A baby and a dog should never be alone together and a baby that little is not likely to even notice a dog.

Do they bark in the house?  You say your husband doesn’t like yippy dogs, but you never said that they WERE yippy (some are some aren’t.)

I can see not wanting a dog who isn’t using the peepads to visit, but it would also depend if your mom keeps a close eye (or pants) on the dog and cleans up any messes well and immediately.  

For me, I almost think the cat is a bigger deal.  Is your cat used to dogs?  If your cat is going to be scared and stressed by the dogs (in addition to the cat having to adjust to a baby)- you could end up with problems.  

I think you definitely have the right to not have them in your house, but I can sense a lot of disdain for the dogs in your post.  Your mother is being dramatic, but it also won’t help to act like boarding the dogs or leaving them home is no big deal.  It also sounds like your mother thinks you never want the dogs around once the baby comes- what happens when you visit her?  

I have to tell guests that I am very sorry, but my own animals cannot handle having animal visitors and I need them to feel safe in their own home.  I have 2 dogs that I cannot board (the others do fine) and it does make travel difficult.  If my mom did not allow them to visit, I would not be able to visit often.  

 

 

Post # 14
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

@edgypeanuts: There’s a lot of added chaos in a household when a baby comes.  To have houseguests and their dogs seems to be asking a lot of a new mom!  I was lucky if I was able to get dressed, take a shower, and get our own dog out for a walk during those early days.

I can’t imagine if someone brought more dogs.  In fact, most of our visitors brought food and helped us clean up.  I would have cried if people brought any extra added stress (no joke).  And this is coming from a huge dog lover.

Post # 16
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not a mama yet, but, I think there are certain things you’re allowed to demand.  One being what kind of animals wander freely in your home.  I would have to stand my ground here.  If its something you’re not comfortable with, you’re entitled to ask that she respect your wishes.  It sounds like you’re mom is being unreasonable by insisting that its either the dogs or no visit.  Her grandchild should trump the puppies.  And its not as if you’re asking that she leave them in a kennel!  Yikes, I hope she comes around!

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