Post # 1
Ladies, I need your help figuring out how to handle this situation. We live ~10 hrs (driving) from my family, Today I was joking with my brother on the phone about how I’ll probably be in labor so long, I could call them right when I go, they could hop in the car and drive here and probably make it in time for the birth. Anyway, I got an email from him a few hours later saying he was thinking about how special a time this is and he really wants to be here for the baby’s birth like we talked about, so he wants us to let him know as soon as I go into labor so he can drive here to be here for it.
On the one hand, we’re so touched by how nice that is, and it would be great having him here. On the other, I really can’t imagine having houseguests RIGHT when we get home from the hospital. I also can’t imagine telling him he’d need to get a hotel. I have no idea what to say to him now. Wouldn’t it be a lot to have people staying at your house though right after you deliver?? Even if it is family?? The only people I can imagine are my parents and even that honestly feels like a lot RIGHT after the birth. They are coming around March 10th, and I’m due March 1st, so at least we’ll have a few days or more to settle in before they arrive.
How would you handle this? My brother is very sensitive and has been really sweet and I really have no idea what to do or say to make this work without either offending him, or being too much for us to handle. Please help!! Thanks bees!!
Post # 3
What we said is no house guests to give us bonding time with muchkin. Though I have to say we really didn’t need to do this since muchkin was early and had to stay in the NICU unit. But if he had come on time that is what we would have done. My IL’s usually stay with us when they are here. The plan was for them either get a hotel or stay with DH’s brother’s house.
Post # 4
Fiance and I were both on the same page. We wanted to bring the baby home as a family – just the three of us. We let our families know this ahead of time, and they were more than understanding. When she finally came (9 days overdue – so you never know, your parents might be right on time) FI’s parents actually came up to visit – I had decided in the hospital that it’d be okay. But, when we brought the baby home, they went out for a while so it was just the three of us arriving home. We called them when we were ready to have them come over, they stayed for a few hours to meet her, then left. It was nice. I can’t imagine having household guests for the first few days/week. Your schedule is so out of sorts and if you’re like me, your hormones will be going crazy. I will say though, that I wish I would have had more visitors while we were in the hospital. I had thought I didn’t want any/many, but was sad that I made that decision. My best friend came to see us, that’s it. The lady next to me in the shared room at one point had 12 – yes, at once.
I would tell your brother that you just want a day or two to bond with the baby/get things sorted. I’m sure he’ll understand.
Post # 5
I think this is one time where it’s really ok to say “please get a hotel”. He should really totally understand – it’s just not the time to be having guests!!
Post # 6
I think it’s perfectly fine to say, “It means so much to us that you want to be here for the birth of our baby; however, because we want the chance to bond with our baby, we would prefer that everyone wait until xyz time to visit. And while we would love to have you come and stay once we’ve had a chance to get used to being parents, for this time we’d prefer to not have houseguests.”
My brother and SIL had baby #2 about a year ago, and after being bombarded after the birth of baby #1, they said exactly this to family and everyone understood. Believe me, I think the ones who love you want you to do what you feel is best. It sounds like you have a real sweetheart of a brother, I’m sure he will be ok with whatever you want him to do.
Post # 7
What @Miss Root: sounds perfect.
Post # 8
Not sure how long you’ll be in the hospital after the birth, but if you’re okay with it, one option is to say “yeah, we’ll give you a call when I go into labor so you can see the baby right away. We won’t be up for having house guests though, so it will be best if you get a hotel.”
After getting home, you might appreciate a family member being close who can stop by and load the dishwasher or make you dinner. But, if you want the family time alone, then you’ll need to tell him that (a la Ms Root).
We’re not planning on telling anyone until the baby is born because I won’t want them to come for the delivery, but both our parents live 30 minutes from the hospital, so it’s a much different dynamic.
Post # 9
@Miss Root: <— I think this sounds really great.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! I replied to him this morning and basically said something along the lines of what Miss Root said. Now I’m just waiting to see his response. I feel really badly but I know it was the right thing to do. Thanks so much for all your advice and replies!
Post # 11
i think my mom is planning to stay with us a few days to help out with the baby… I’m not exactly sure how that will work out, but I definitely wouldnt want anyone else staying. I would just be honest and say you dont think you can entertain guests right after the birth
Post # 12
I’m glad you did what you are most comfortable with. I think every couple is different as is every family.
For us my brother will be driving my mom up as soon (within 24hrs?) they get the call from us. Granted my SIL has already given birth. So I’d imagine my brother will be there at least the night. And my mom will be staying for about 2-3 months as is customary in Chinese tradition.
My ILs are planning to drive up to be here starting from my induce date if I’m late. So that way we ensure they will get the max days with baby. But they will be staying at their own place.
Honestly, if my whole family were to say they wanted to come when baby is born I would be fine with it. But I won’t be fine if my BIL did that. Because I don’t feel like I have to treat my family as a “house guest” but this BIL I do. Because that’s how it’s been in the past.
Post # 13
I agree…I definitely thing it’s a bit tricky but I don’t think their is a problem with suggesting a hotel…everyone should expect that you’ll be exhausted, possibly overwhelmed and really trying to bond and settle into a routine with baby! Good luck!