(Closed) vow renewal, first wedding to small? vow renewal bigger?

posted 5 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 3
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@jacklakin:  

Etiquette rules serve as guidelines. At the end of the day, you are free to do as you wish.

From what I have read, elaborate vow renewals are acceptable after an elopement or very small wedding the first time. It all depends on what you and your guests would be comfortable with, also whether or not you care what others think of you.

I know a woman who had a large wedding when she first married and an even larger second wedding. Ten years later, she wants to have a big vow renewal, complete with a wedding party and 200 guests. She doesn’t realize that guests were giving her the side eye at her second huge wedding, let alone yet another huge and splashy celebration. People view this lady as a shameless attention seeker. I don’t know how much she cares about the opinion of her family and friends.

My wedding was awful because we couldn’t afford what we wanted so we eloped. My very few guests were late and we almost could not marry that day, because the photographer and the officiant had another weddings booked after ours. My parents didn’t speak to my husband and I for a year after we eloped because they were so hurt. I know how it feels to have a terrible wedding day and I feel for you.

We are renewing our vows for our fifth anniversary, with less than 30 guests. I will wear a wedding dress even though the etiquette rules say that is not allowed; my mother and my besties want to see me in a wedding gown. There will be no bridesmaids and I will put “Your presence is the best present” on my invitations, so that everybody knows this is not a gift grab. I know this celebration will be well received because I have discussed this with my family. My husband and I are doing this for us, as well as my parents.

Are your family and friends strict on etiquette or would they just love the celebration?

 

Post # 5
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@jacklakin:  

We will be at our FIFTH anniversary when we do the vow renewal, not our 50th.I appreciate the sentiment all the same though…thanks!Smile

I don’t think you are being shallow at all. As long as you are happy with your choices and your guests will be happy, that is all you need to be concerned about. In life, we cannot be so worried about what others think all the time. If you have best friends who want to be attendants and you want that as well, by all means put them in your wedding party. It is against etiquette rules but rules are made to be broken.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

First, 100 people doesn’t sound small (my wedding is 40 people and no wedding party, and it seems plenty big to me!), but maybe that’s a cultural thing.

Second, I’m really sorry that having a stylist not show up and having people stay for only a short time ruined your day! I’d strongly encourage you to look at the things that went right, not what went wrong. 🙂

That said, I don’t think a 1-year vow renewal that’s even bigger is the right way to go; but as a guest, I’d just RSVP ‘no’ — I’d never say, “Wow, your plan sounds unseemly!” I might even send a card. Maybe after 10 years?

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