(Closed) Vow renewal the right way

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4964 posts
Honey bee

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FrederickaP :  I wouldn’t say “bad” but I think many people are thinking it’s too soon even with a 5-year anniversary sometimes.  I think generally speaking, a 10-year vow renewal is more of a milestone to celebrate with others. 

Post # 3
Member
30391 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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FrederickaP :  You can renew your vows privately as often as you want. It is a solemn moment between the two of you.

Inviting others often gives the impression that it is a gift giving occasion for them.

Post # 4
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think because people look at a vow renewal like celebrating an accomplishment. Being married for 10/25/50 years is a BIG accomplishment! being married for 2, not so much.

I think its similar to birthdays. 32, okay cool. 50? Party time!

Post # 5
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Honestly in this day and age, celebrate every milestone! Do what makes you guys happy, if its one year, 2 years, 10 years who cares (just dont ask for presents!)

Post # 6
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I guess it just seems pointless after just 2 years? Like being married for 2 years isn’t all the impressive or seem like a big deal. Realistically, it doesn’t really matter since it’s just a party but it just seems odd to me.

Post # 7
Member
6534 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My personal dislike for the premature vow renewal is for two reasons: one, making it to two years is not a huge accomplishment; lots of couples do it, so why do you want to make such a big fuss over it? It seems like an excuse to be the center of attention. And secondly, your vows are supposed to be forever so why  do they need to be updated so soon?

if you want to have a private renewal with just your husband, that’s great, but as soon as you start asking other people  to come along too, you need to see their perspective. While your friends and family are likely thrilled that you’ve got a happy marriage, they probably don’t see it as a noteworthy occasion. It’s like a 33rd birthday party or a celebration of finishing your sophomore year.

Post # 8
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee

Vows don’t expire.  It’s not like your driver’s license.  It’s not that you can’t renew your vows after only two years, but personally, I’m not going to make much of an effort as a guest to attend it (i.e. if it requires taking time off work or travel/hotel expenses, I’m not going to do it).  It seems pretty superfluous and more often than not I’ll view it as likely a cash grab because you likely feel like you missed out on all the bonuses the first time around.  I’d make an effort for 20+ years.

Plus, other parties exist that don’t revolve around weddings.  If you want to party with your friends and family, you can throw a big old party that doesn’t involve celebrating yourself.

Post # 9
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

LOL!!  I couldn’t get my husband to do it on our 40th.  He said the first ones “took” and he wasn’t about to  screw them up.  We chose to  “count our blessings” instead of a vow renewal.  After 40 years the hard part was wittling the list down to something reasonable.   

I think a lot of people would wonder why you feel the NEED to do them again.  “What went wrong?”will be their first thought.  I mean most of us LIVE our vows on a daily basis, we don’t need a reminder or to make that promise again.  We haven’t broken it to start with.  

 

Post # 10
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I don’t see why there is a need to bring vows into it, why not just have a party and call it an anniversary party?

Post # 11
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think a vow renewal is up to the two people in the marriage: aka you and your husband. If you want to renew your vows after 1 or 2 or 5 or 50 years, that is up to the both of you only. I really think people get very judgmental when it comes to that type of stuff but if they just take a step back, its not a big deal. If you want to renew your vows after 2 years and have a party to celebrate with loved ones, go for it! You only live once and there is nothing more beautiful than celebrating your love and undying committment to each other even only after a year or two. 

People need to lighten up a bit 🙂

 

Oh and i forgot to mention, I agree with one of the other girl, do not ask or expect gifts if you decide to throw a celebration. The presence of your loved ones is all that you need. 

Post # 12
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’d just think it was a bit weird to be renewing your vows so soon, especially if I’d just attended your wedding and already given you a gift. As long as it’s clear that no gifts are expected and you’re not expecting a lot of people from out of town to travel for it, I don’t see why you can’t just throw a party for your family and friends. Who doesn’t enjoy a party?

Post # 13
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

At 2 years, I guess an anniversary party would make a bit more sense to folks. If you are involving others, that is why you are hearing people say that it is too soon. I want to have a 5 year vow renewal overseas just the two of us. We are celebrating 3 this year! We have really been wanting to take a trip to a particular place and there is a special wedding ceremony we could have there. Plus, we would be traveling and just having fun… I don’t want to say bringing in other people would ruin it, but that is kind of what I am feeling at the moment! We were tempted to elope the first time around, so this would be all the romance and excitement (no stress). Good luck either way.

Post # 14
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

Personally I feel that even 5 years is too short of a time period, never mind 2!

I would celebrate with my husband with a fancy dinner or a weekend away, but a vow renewal after such a short amount of time is a bit much. I just don’t see the point.

Post # 15
Member
10399 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
FrederickaP :  

Vows don’t expire, they don’t need ‘renewing’. Wedding anniversary party, on  a significant anniversary  , lovely ,  why not!

But  2 year ‘vow renewal’ or even 5 or 10 , I find  odd, almost  embarrassingly so  . Why make  public party/spectacle of what should be a private intention.

And at two years , good Lord , practically  still on honeymoon, why on earth does such an unremarkable milestone warrant public affirmation !?

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