(Closed) Vow Renewal but had no real wedding

posted 4 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 2
Member
3056 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

since you’ve only been married two years I would wait until your 5 or 10 year anniversary for a vow renewal. It sounds like your husband wasn’t game for anything other than a courthouse wedding and you compromised your dream wedding to be his wife. Will he be okay with a renewal ceremony?

Post # 3
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Have his family changed their opinions? Would they come this time?

What does your husband think about the idea of a vow renewal?

Post # 4
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

What exactly has changed in your circumstances that make a vow renewal feel like a good idea?  Has your husband changed his mind about the ceremony or has his family warmed to you?  Aside from no longer being pregnant, has anything signficant been altered?

Post # 6
Member
10637 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
soliau :  

l think you sound sad about more than a vow ( not ‘vowel’ lol) renewal. If you do have one, it won’t change anything after all, it won’t make him more romantic or accomodating of your wishes, and that’s what l think you  might be sad about. 

Would his family come if you had one? I mean are they reconciled to your marriage now?  If so then go ahead and organise one, why not! But don’t get your hopes up too high in terms of what a vow renewal would achieve in terms of making your husband into the romantic man he isn’t. 

Post # 7
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Just so you know, it’s vow renewal, not vowel.  Vowels are letters of the alphabet; vows are promises.

In total honesty, it just doesn’t sound like he’s into it.  I’m sorry about that.  If you’re feeling like you need a bit more romance and celebration, you should probably let him know that and work out a plan to make it happen.  I don’t think he’s going to change his expression of love naturally.

Post # 8
Member
8019 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Nothing to show for what? You are married and have two children–that’s something.

Who would attend this event? Is your husband on board with a vow renewal? What about an anniversary party?

Post # 10
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry, he’s not going to magically going to become romantic, no matter how much you wish and hope. To him,  you’re already married and from the short description you’ve given, he likely thinks it’s a waste of time and money, no matter how much you want it.

Like PP stated, it’s vow, not vowel.

Post # 12
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Are you ok, bee? From the tone of some of the things you’ve said it sounds like you might have some bigger issues going on.

Post # 13
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

So you’ve been married for couple of years and your husband has no interest in a vow renewal but you feel like you missed out. That’s understandable. So instead of a vow renewal, why not get a pretty dress and do a fun photoshoot and a party with family and friends? 

Post # 14
Member
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Are you happy in this marriage? Every post just sounds like you are sad and trapped. 

FWIW if your husband isn’t on board now or thinks its crazy, he’s probably going to still think its crazy in 3 years. If he couldn’t justify the money back then, how is he going to now when you have older kids, college, etc? 

Post # 15
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
soliau :  

“He’s never celebrated anniversaries, my birthdays, mothers day, even christmas when it comes to me :/ “

This is not normal, bee.  And neither is repeatedly calling your desire for a vow renewal “dumb”.  

This vow renewal that you’re focused on seems like a distraction from bigger general issues.  Maybe you think it’s a way that you could find validation & proof that you are loved.  It doesn’t sound like these basic needs are being met on a day to day basis.  

You deserve better than what your husband is giving you.  Even especially flawed spouses acknowledge the birthday of their partner/mother/father of their children.  

You began your marriage by being given an ultimatum (instead of mutual compromise) and he has since never acknowledged an anniversary, birthday or even mother’s day.  I have to say a vow renewal might be the opposite of what I’d be thinking about at this point. 

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