- 6 years ago
New to the site and loving the camaraderie on here!
Vow question — I’m debating what to say in my vows to my fiance. Rewind a couple years — I was dating a guy for 1 year (not my fiance) and it was a whirlwind romance. Roses every month on our “anniversary,” $200 dinners, exotic vacations. Then, out of nowhere, I had the worst headache of my life, and every day since then (it’s been 4 years), I’ve had a migraine or a headache. Every. Day. Unfortunately, my boyfriend at the time couldn’t handle my health condition and drastic change in lifestyle. I ended up breaking up with him, and at 35, went through a “who is going to want to date me now” heartache. I really didn’t think I would ever get married.
Then one day at an art and wine party, I met my fiance. The third time we hung out together, I summed up my courage and said, “Um, I need to tell you something.” And I told him about my 24/7 chronic migraine/headache condition. To my utter surprise, at the end of the night, he said, “When can we hang out again?” A few days later, we were dating. My fiance and I aren’t able to do the typically things most couples do. We don’t go out to movies (loud noise triggers my migraines), out to restaurants (noisy), bars, etc. At times, I’ve felt bad that I couldn’t be the “normal” girlfriend/fiance for him. I even told him once, that I wouldn’t be mad if he wanted to leave the relationship. (He texted me back and said, “Thanks for the offer, but I would NEVER leave you because of your migraines.”)
Even now, at almost three years of being together, he is almost divinely compassionate. When I come home from work — usually with a migraine — he automatically turns down the lights. He’s always quick on his feet when I need an icepack. A bear hug. Opinions about doctors to see or treatment planning. I find I don’t cry as much over my migraines anymore.
My question is this: his support and compassion for me is a very large part of why I love him so much. His maturity in handling a tough situation and restricted lifestyle is extraordinary. And it’s very much part of “our story.” There’s a part of me that really wants to share this with everyone at my wedding. Another part of me thinks that some people don’t know about my migraines, or how bad they are, and is it really a good idea to bring up a health condition in front of everybody? (Don’t want to make people uncomfortable.)
Thoughts? Thanks, bees!