(Closed) Wah Wah Wedding Blues & A Tale of Living Beyond Our Means

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Good for you for recognizing that you have a problem and wanting to change it!  I have never been to a financial planner but I really think you should do it if you don’t really know how to budget or combine your finances on your own.  They have a lot of experience with that.  Just make sure they work on fees and not comissions in case you need help investing.

Post # 5
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You don’t really need a financial planner.  I think you know what you need to do and you are very aware of your shortcomings on budgeting.  The Fiance and I sat down on Jan. 1 and were realistic about our spending.  We made a spreadsheet of all of our fixed expenses and then allotted a reasonable amount for food and disposable income.  The key is reasonable.  I started to use Mint.com and it’s great.  It links up to all your accounts and shows you reports on your spending (pie charts, yay!) and you can sign up for alerts if you are going over your budget.  Anyways, the spreadsheet we created showed us that we could/should be saving x amount per month towards a house.  Since you already have one, that could be for your wedding.  A financial planner would ask for this spreadsheet anyway, but they are mostly for long-term investments.  If you don’t have the money to invest, they can’t do much more than you already know how to do.

Post # 6
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We took Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University and it completely changed our lives! We are so much happier and “at peace” with our life just the way it is. I hope whatever your plan of action is that you find peace and maintain a loving, healthy relationship with your fiance. (:

Post # 7
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I second Mint.com. It TELLS ON YOU. If you do stupid stuff with your money, it tells you. We set “budgets” for different categories, like shopping, food, entertainment, etc, and it sends a text message when you’re over budget. Also, having all of your accounts in front of you like that can be sobering.

You know you have to pay bills on time. You know you have to cut back. You don’t need a planner to tell you that. Just set a goal and you’ll see how you have to budget to meet it.

Post # 9
73 posts
Worker bee

Christalynn you are not alone! Manageing my finances better was one of my new years resolutions this year and January is not shaping up so well. Fiance and I still are still financially separate and dont live together. I’m having trouble managing my own money. I’ve also done spreadsheet budgets and what not, but I just can’t seem to stay within them.

I think I will try out Mint.com. If I still can’t get a handle on myself, I’ll be in line behind you at the financial planners. I can definately see how it helps to be accountable and honest with a stranger about your spending habits. It would probably help you and Fiance to be on the page as well. Good Luck! I’d love to hear how your appointment goes.

Post # 11
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010


I know it’s tough to feel strained financially, I’ve been there before! These things saved my life in that respect:

1. having my own personal checking account

2. Having a joint account with my Fiance for bills, the money of which I contribute is directly deposited into this account

3. Having a savings account which, again, the contribution is directly deposited.

It sounds like it might be wise for you two to each have your own checking accounts-if you don’t want to spend “your” money on something, but he wants to spend his on it? Then fine, he can do it! It works well for Fiance and I because we have very different feelings about how small, everyday purchases should look like, be etc.

It also helps to have the bill money and savings money directly deposited into different accounts. Therefore, I don’t spend it except for what its purpose is (I don’t carry those checks or debit cards around with me unless I know I making a bill payment etc., so there is no temptation to spend the $) That way, I’m just left with what is in my personal checking account to spend the way I see fit.

I know some people are against separate checking accounts, but it really works well for us, and if “somethings not broke, why fix it?” You know?

Good luck, hope this helps, even if just a little.

Post # 13
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Christa — I for one think the financial planner sounds like a great investment! I know for us, our wedding budget has become a reflection on how we both spend and handle money — and it’s been a great learning curve for us. Our big thing that we’re learning is to always remember that if you spend money on one thing, it means NOT spending it on something else.

Recognizing that in a very concrete way (as we move our wedding budget around on the spreadsheet) has actually made us more aware of how we spend – we’ll go out to dinner and one of us will make a comment like, “If we get drinks, we’ll skip dessert” (which is silly seeming, because, really, what does the extra $6 to split a piece of chocolate mousse goodness matter? BUT it’s the thought behind it and the fact that we’re aware of our spending that’s important!)

Good job taking action! I hope you guys can make things work and find a way to keep yourselves in check. 🙂 Maybe rewards and consequences?

Post # 14
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hm, good question Christalynn, I need to think about that one for a second. Nothing comes to mind. To be honest, we don’t really have many “big ticket” items besides our new home and…probably my engagement ring. We know we want to make some home improvements once we get our tax $ back but we already discussed what/when/ and how we do those.

Any other decisions (big tv, vacations) are not a priority for us right now (well, to be honest, less of a priority for me than to him!) so, we’ve been holding out on those as well. But, my Fiance is very responsible with money management (better than me) and has a lot saved up, so if he HAD to buy something big, he would probably just spend his own $ on it.

I’m sorry, I’m sure that doesn’t help at all.

Post # 15
1104 posts
Bumble bee

We have our own money as well as joint, so if one of us wants to spend $ on something the other doesn’t, well we just have to buy it ourselves. This hasn’t been necessary on any big ticket items yet. Good luck with sorting it out – it’s an important thing to get right before the wedding 🙂

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