Post # 1
Okay, so recently my Fiance received a STD from a childhood friend. I have met him and his Fiance on several occasions, but I would not say we are “couples” friends with them, and Fiance and the groom share a common group of guy friends. I should also note, Fiance and this guy will be the first to marry out of the group of guys.
The STD did not list my name, or a +1. The groom texted my Fiance before he received his STD in the mail, and said that a family member of the bride’s addressed all of the Save-The-Date Cards, and they forgot to include my name, but of COURSE I was invited too. (We have been dating for almost a decade, and will be married shortly after them, and they are both invited to our wedding).
Do you guys think I am actually invited? Normally I would wait and see when the invitiation arrives, but this is a destination wedding so we would need to book plane tickets before the physical invitations are sent out (not to mention find a dog sitter, take vacation days off of work, outfits for a black tie event, etc. Basically, I would not be able to pull this off in 4 weeks with my own wedding approaching).
Also, they have booked a private resort, and all guests are staying on the property, so my worry is that the bride left me off on purpose due to space restrictions, and the groom went behind her to invite me. I do not know this girl well enough to text her and ask (I dont even have her phone number), and the last thing I want is to show up and her think I invited myself!
What do you guys think? Am I just being paranoid? Would you attend?
Post # 2
texasgal747: ask your Fiance to follow up on that ‘of course’ text.
Post # 3
It’s an STD, I don’t think that is usually addressed as specifically as an invitation. Just have him double check.
Post # 4
If it’s a destination wedding, they don’t actually want EITHER of you to come, so it’s a non-issue. Save your money and your vacation time.
Post # 5
Kikibear: I think your comment just totally flew over my head – what do you mean? Why would you waste your time inviting someone to your wedding if you don’t want them to turn up?
Post # 6
I would take them at their word. It sounds like a simple mistake was made and you are over analyzing. I accidently forgot FI’s cousin’s SO on the STD, it was just a slip. That sort of thing happens when you are spending forever addressing envelopes and is even more likely to happen when someone is helping out. Also, its the groom’s wedding too not just the bride’s so she is not more of an authority on the guest list than him. Stop over thinking it and go to the wedding.
Post # 7
if the text was sent unsolicited.. yes, you’re invited. Very different than Fi having to point it out to them, and even more different than if Fiance explicitly asks if you can come and they say yes.
that said, its a Destination Wedding 4 weeks before your wedding for epople you don’t really know. I wouldn’t go unless its a location I really wanted to go to anyway and I had plenty of $$$ and vacation time…
Post # 8
I don’t understand the confusion– the groom took it upon himself to text your fiance before the save the date even arrived to personally tell him that you were invited. If he’s going behind her back to invite you– which I don’t think is happening at all– that’s his problem. I don’t see why you’d need to second-guess him anyways; the bride doesn’t necessarily know or care about everything. I’d take the groom at his word and make plans to go to the wedding, since he clearly went out of his way to make sure you knew you were invited.
Post # 9
charlllpop: I think Kikibear: means that sometimes people having destination weddings are doing so to restrict the guest list (or even eliminate it entirely). Certainly when I think about eloping as a possibility, the first thing I think of is all the people who couldn’t come, the second is all the people I wouldn’t have to agonise over inviting just because I invited X.
texasgal747: I’d ask your Fiance to clarify with the groom – or if you actually don’t want to go (I couldn’t quite tell, was it you want to go but couldn’t organise last minute?) then let your Fiance know whether you’re happy for him to go it alone.
Post # 10
1. It’d be incredibly rude of them to invite Fiance and not you, especially to a DESTINATION wedding, especially since you’ve been together so long and are engaged!
2. The wedding is half the groom’s, and he invited you, so you’re invited. Doesn’t mean you have to go of course. But I’d say yes.
Post # 11
charlllpop: Because people who have destination weddings are actually hoping no one will come? I thought that was pretty well understood. If you make it so difficult for people to attend (flights, resorts, vacation time, etc.) they most likely won’t attend.
It’s what people do so they can elope without feeling guilty for not inviting people. Or, if people do actually show up, they’re essentially paying for the wedding, thereby shifting the cost from the bride and groom to the guests. So either way it’s a win for the couple.
Post # 12
The groom went out of his way to explain the oversight, unprompted by your Fiance. So i would give them the benefit of the doubt- yes youre invited. Mistakes happen.
Post # 13
Technically, neither of you are officially invited yet because you haven’t actually received an invitation. The Save the Date I see as a courtesy so that guests can be aware of the event coming up. If you aren’t included on the Save the Date, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t invited.
So in this case, I would definitely believe that you will be invited. The groom texted your Fiance that you are invited. There’s no reason to doubt him. If you’re still feeling nervous, just have your Fiance text back something like, “Thanks for letting me know, we’re booking our plane tickets now.” Then the groom (and by extension the bride) will know that you’ve already booked your plane tickets, so there’s really no way they can get around including you on the invitation (if they thought of being so rude as to leave you off the invitation, which would be doubly rude because the groom said that you were invited, and also as the Fiance you are supposed to be invited with your Fiance anyway).
Is it possible that the bride intentionally left you off the STD? Yeah, it’s possible. People tend to have destination weddings so that only their closest family and friends attend, so possibly she thought it was okay to just invite your Fiance. Then someone informed her of the huge breach of etiquette, and she and the groom scrambled to make sure that you were invited.
Or maybe it was an honest mistake. In this case I would probably just trust what the groom is saying, there’s no reason to make it into anything that it’s not. Decide for yourself if you want to go or not, regardless of this little mix up.
Post # 14
You didn’t badger or wheedle the couple before begrudgingly getting an invite. The groom came ahead of the STD when he didn’t mean to to say a mistake was made and you’re obviously meant to be invited.
You’re definitely invited. The bride spaced on your name in all the confusion but if they didn’t mean to invite you, they would have kept quiet about that mistake until asked for clarification. Don’t go if you don’t want to go to the trouble, but do feel welcome if you do attend.
Post # 15
Kikibear: This is a bit unfair– we’re having a “destination” wedding in the city my fiance and I live in, even though most of our guest list lives on the other side of the country, because we’d like to get married in a place that’s important to us. It’s going to be the first time many of our family members come visit us over here, because most of the time we’re flying out to them, and we’re excited to share that with them if they choose to attend. If they don’t, no hard feelings. Saying that everyone’s primary reason for having their wedding in an “inconvenient” location is to limit the guest list or make people pay for the wedding is definitely not true.