(Closed) Wait, am I really invited to this wedding? Would you attend?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you attend if you were me?
    Yes : (137 votes)
    93 %
    No : (10 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6272 posts
    Bee Keeper

    texasgal747:  ask your Fiance to follow up on that ‘of course’ text. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    14969 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It’s an STD, I don’t think that is usually addressed as specifically as an invitation.  Just have him double check.

    Post # 4
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If it’s a destination wedding, they don’t actually want EITHER of you to come, so it’s a non-issue.  Save your money and your vacation time.

    Post # 5
    Member
    500 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Kikibear:  I think your comment just totally flew over my head – what do you mean? Why would you waste your time inviting someone to your wedding if you don’t want them to turn up?

    Post # 6
    Member
    9785 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I would take them at their word. It sounds like a simple mistake was made and you are over analyzing. I accidently forgot FI’s cousin’s SO on the STD, it was just a slip. That sort of thing happens when you are spending forever addressing envelopes and is even more likely to happen when someone is helping out. Also, its the groom’s wedding too not just the bride’s so she is not more of an authority on the guest list than him. Stop over thinking it and go to the wedding. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    9569 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    if the text was sent unsolicited.. yes, you’re invited.  Very different than Fi having to point it out to them, and even more different than if Fiance explicitly asks if you can come and they say yes.

    that said, its a Destination Wedding 4 weeks before your wedding for epople you don’t really know.  I wouldn’t go unless its a location I really wanted to go to anyway and I had plenty of $$$ and vacation time…

    Post # 8
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I don’t understand the confusion– the groom took it upon himself to text your fiance before the save the date even arrived to personally tell him that you were invited. If he’s going behind her back to invite you– which I don’t think is happening at all– that’s his problem. I don’t see why you’d need to second-guess him anyways; the bride doesn’t necessarily know or care about everything. I’d take the groom at his word and make plans to go to the wedding, since he clearly went out of his way to make sure you knew you were invited.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee

    charlllpop: I think Kikibear: means that sometimes people having destination weddings are doing so to restrict the guest list (or even eliminate it entirely). Certainly when I think about eloping as a possibility, the first thing I think of is all the people who couldn’t come, the second is all the people I wouldn’t have to agonise over inviting just because I invited X.

    texasgal747:  I’d ask your Fiance to clarify with the groom – or if you actually don’t want to go (I couldn’t quite tell, was it you want to go but couldn’t organise last minute?) then let your Fiance know whether you’re happy for him to go it alone.

    Post # 10
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee

    Two things:

    1. It’d be incredibly rude of them to invite Fiance and not you, especially to a DESTINATION wedding, especially since you’ve been together so long and are engaged! 

    2. The wedding is half the groom’s, and he invited you, so you’re invited. Doesn’t mean you have to go of course. But I’d say yes.

    Post # 11
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    charlllpop:  Because people who have destination weddings are actually hoping no one will come?  I thought that was pretty well understood.  If you make it so difficult for people to attend (flights, resorts, vacation time, etc.) they most likely won’t attend.

    It’s what people do so they can elope without feeling guilty for not inviting people.  Or, if people do actually show up, they’re essentially paying for the wedding, thereby shifting the cost from the bride and groom to the guests.  So either way it’s a win for the couple.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    9595 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    The groom went out of his way to explain the oversight, unprompted by your Fiance. So i would give them the benefit of the doubt- yes youre invited. Mistakes happen.

    Post # 13
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Technically, neither of you are officially invited yet because you haven’t actually received an invitation. The Save the Date I see as a courtesy so that guests can be aware of the event coming up. If you aren’t included on the Save the Date, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t invited.

    So in this case, I would definitely believe that you will be invited. The groom texted your Fiance that you are invited. There’s no reason to doubt him. If you’re still feeling nervous, just have your Fiance text back something like, “Thanks for letting me know, we’re booking our plane tickets now.” Then the groom (and by extension the bride) will know that you’ve already booked your plane tickets, so there’s really no way they can get around including you on the invitation (if they thought of being so rude as to leave you off the invitation, which would be doubly rude because the groom said that you were invited, and also as the Fiance you are supposed to be invited with your Fiance anyway).

    Is it possible that the bride intentionally left you off the STD? Yeah, it’s possible. People tend to have destination weddings so that only their closest family and friends attend, so possibly she thought it was okay to just invite your Fiance. Then someone informed her of the huge breach of etiquette, and she and the groom scrambled to make sure that you were invited.

    Or maybe it was an honest mistake. In this case I would probably just trust what the groom is saying, there’s no reason to make it into anything that it’s not. Decide for yourself if you want to go or not, regardless of this little mix up.

    Post # 14
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee

    You didn’t badger or wheedle the couple before begrudgingly getting an invite. The groom came ahead of the STD when he didn’t mean to to say a mistake was made and you’re obviously meant to be invited.

    You’re definitely invited. The bride spaced on your name in all the confusion but if they didn’t mean to invite you, they would have kept quiet about that mistake until asked for clarification. Don’t go if you don’t want to go to the trouble, but do feel welcome if you do attend.

    Post # 15
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Kikibear:  This is a bit unfair– we’re having a “destination” wedding in the city my fiance and I live in, even though most of our guest list lives on the other side of the country, because we’d like to get married in a place that’s important to us. It’s going to be the first time many of our family members come visit us over here, because most of the time we’re flying out to them, and we’re excited to share that with them if they choose to attend. If they don’t, no hard feelings. Saying that everyone’s primary reason for having their wedding in an “inconvenient” location is to limit the guest list or make people pay for the wedding is definitely not true.

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