Post # 1
This is going to sound like a weird question… but I do not get my Darling Husband.
I have a very tight-knit family and extended family and my mother happens to literally live maybe 5-6 blocks from our home. I know geographically, my family is just at an advantage at seeing us, but even when I’m not visiting, I must call/check-in with family every day or at the bare minimum every other day.
When I met my Darling Husband he was also part of a very tight-knit family that lived give-or-take an hour away from where we live. It’s one of the reasons we connected: family is important to us. When we hang out with his family or mine its a good time all around and he enjoys himself. Again due to geographics, we tend to hang more with my family.
Now here is where I dont get things: I ask him how family is and he usually answers with “I dunno” because he only calls on Mondays and if they dont pick up, he just doesnt talk to them that week. When I suggest we go hang out with his family he’s like “yeah thats cool. Why dont you call them and let me know what you come up with.” umm… ok? and I do. but its just…. weird to me.
When did I become the only communicator for both sides of our family? and why am I the event coordinator with his family? I know he has a good relationship with his family so what gives? Does marriage make men think they no longer have to talk to family and set up times to see them? Now their wives have to do this instead? whats up with that???
(ETA: I should probably note that I dont necessarily see this as a problem in any real way, more or less I noticed that his communication with his family sort of all but stopped since we got married and that’s what confuses me, particularly from a guy who, last time I checked, liked his family. I was just curious if marriage triggers a lack of interest in family or something. LOL!)
Post # 3
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: Honestly, I think you might be looking too far into this. I realize you are close with your family and he with his, but I think the average person would find calling every other day a little excessive. Sometimes I’ll go about two weeks without speaking to my mom just because life gets busy sometimes. Perhaps he feels the same way and doesn’t NEED to call them as often. Maybe the next time he asks you to set up a visit, flat out tell him that you feel more comfortable if he would contact them.
Post # 4
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: No, but generally women like doing that stuff better than men do. Maybe he just figures you would want to do it?
Post # 5
@MrsTillerResq: No I dont see it as a problem and I know life gets busy. I’m just more or less curious is marriage changes the dynamics at all, since I noticed this shift so to speak after we got married. Its just weird to me.
@deetroitwhat: ha. maybe thats what I need to explain to him. I hardly enjoyed planning my wedding so being the social coordinator for the two of us is just not my thing.
Post # 6
he’s probably ok with not seeing family often; so his attitude to me sounds more like “well if you want to see them i don’t mind, but you organize it” than “you’re the event coordinator and i won’t talk to my family anymore”
Post # 7
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: Ahhh I see. I haven’t really noticed a change for us. Usually anything that involves his family (well, his dad and step mom) he’ll handle. I’m really close to his mom so I usually contact her myself if we want to plan a dinner or something. If it bothers you, you should definitely say something!
Post # 8
He sounds lazy about setting it up. I think that’s just a guy.
Before marriage, only my Darling Husband really talked to his family, and afterwards it has remained the same. Occasionaly I will speak with my inlaws on the phone, but most communication still goes thru him.
Post # 9
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: LOL I totally get it. It’s weird, but that seems to be the way it goes with most couples. I remember my cousin and I were trying to do a family tree for the great-grandparents we shared. My grandma had passed away so we went to her grandfather (my grandma’s brother) for info. He said he didn’t know, but his (ex) wife probably did. So we ended up getting a HUGE amount of family history from someone who married into the family! Meanwhile, my SO & I aren’t even engaged but we seriously would never see his family if I didn’t FB message his sisters before every holiday. Then it’s like pulling teeth to get info from them!
Post # 10
I handle our calendar almost exclusively. Most women I know do. I think it’s normal.
Post # 11
My Darling Husband is JUST LIKE THIS! My parents actually live further away than his and we spend WAY more time with mine.
If I think we should hang out with his family, I make the plans and the calls.
Granted, my Darling Husband doesn’t really like his family much… we are MUCH closer to mine.
Which is fine with me, cause I feel the same way!
Post # 12
I’m the organiser in our relationship….if my fiancé wants to know if he is free one weekend he will ask me, have we got anything planned on…? (Not that he needs my permission to do things, just if we have already made plans). My fiancé is quite shy in that respect so it is easier for me to do it, but when it comes to his family and friends then it is up to him to organise it…after all, I wouldn’t be spending time with them if we weren’t together (not saying I dont like his friends or family because I do…but I wouldn’t know them if it weren’t for him.
Post # 13
I think it’s normal. It’s fine.
Post # 14
@SweetartMD: @FromA2B2013: @solidarity: @MexiPino:
Oh good… people get what I’m saying! My girlfriends and I at work were talking about this today and some were complaining that their Mother-In-Law only call their husbands when they’re not around (umm… weird.) and I’m like, “Well I’m the only one calling my in-laws lately…” and some of them were like “OMG if I didnt call them we’d never see them!” LOL!
It’s just funny to me that its like this all of a sudden and then if I dont call them right away he’s all, “I thought we were hanging with my mom and dad this weekend…” !!!!! I just want to say to him, “Well them CALL them you weirdo!”
So I can assume this will get worse when we have children? LOL!
Post # 15
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: We arent even married and I get “gifted” with this role. Case-in-point: on Sunday I said “here’s an idea: how about when we go on vaca with your family I hire a photographer and we do family photos?” (he’ll be proposing on that trip if not before). He responded “Yeah, I like that idea! You should get with my mom and start planning it.”
Post # 16
I don’t really call my in-laws…and we don’t see them a ton either, they live like a half hour away and we’ll end up over there maybe once a month. I’m okay with that. Darling Husband and and his mom did used to talk a TON more before we got married. But I feel the opposite of you, honestly I’m glad they don’t talk as much as they used to because it was SO excessive. Example: It would be his day off so she’s call to see what he was doing. He would tell her we were going shopping. She would want to know where and what for. Then she would insist that we had to come over so she could give us any coupons or anything she had that we could use. Then she’d call awhile after we left their house to see if we found what we wanted. If we didn’t she’d have a million other suggestions on places to check. Then she’d call back to see if we took her up on her suggestions. Then she’d call back to see if we wanted to come over for dinner. OMG. Seriously, I’m not even exxagerating, I wish I was. I made it clear right then and there that if our relationship was going to continue that shit was going to stop. And thank god it did. I would never call her to initiate a get-together unless it was for a holiday or something because it’s seen as a green light to start that crap back up.