(Closed) Wait… I thought I was a wife, not an event coordinator!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  Honestly, I think you might be looking too far into this. I realize you are close with your family and he with his, but I think the average person would find calling every other day a little excessive. Sometimes I’ll go about two weeks without speaking to my mom just because life gets busy sometimes. Perhaps he feels the same way and doesn’t NEED to call them as often. Maybe the next time he asks you to set up a visit, flat out tell him that you feel more comfortable if he would contact them.

Post # 4
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  No, but generally women like doing that stuff better than men do.  Maybe he just figures you would want to do it?

Post # 6
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

he’s probably ok with not seeing family often; so his attitude to me sounds more like “well if you want to see them i don’t mind, but you organize it” than “you’re the event coordinator and i won’t talk to my family anymore”

Post # 7
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  Ahhh I see. I haven’t really noticed a change for us. Usually anything that involves his family (well, his dad and step mom) he’ll handle. I’m really close to his mom so I usually contact her myself if we want to plan a dinner or something. If it bothers you, you should definitely say something! 

Post # 8
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He sounds lazy about setting it up.  I think that’s just a guy. 

Before marriage, only my Darling Husband really talked to his family, and afterwards it has remained the same.  Occasionaly I will speak with my inlaws on the phone, but most communication still goes thru him.

Post # 9
Member
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  LOL I totally get it. It’s weird, but that seems to be the way it goes with most couples. I remember my cousin and I were trying to do a family tree for the great-grandparents we shared. My grandma had passed away so we went to her grandfather (my grandma’s brother) for info. He said he didn’t know, but his (ex) wife probably did. So we ended up getting a HUGE amount of family history from someone who married into the family! Meanwhile, my SO & I aren’t even engaged but we seriously would never see his family if I didn’t FB message his sisters before every holiday. Then it’s like pulling teeth to get info from them!

Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I handle our calendar almost exclusively. Most women I know do. I think it’s normal.

Post # 11
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Darling Husband is JUST LIKE THIS! My parents actually live further away than his and we spend WAY more time with mine. 

If I think we should hang out with his family, I make the plans and the calls.

Granted, my Darling Husband doesn’t really like his family much… we are MUCH closer to mine. 

Which is fine with me, cause I feel the same way! 

Post # 12
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m the organiser in our relationship….if my fiancé wants to know if he is free one weekend he will ask me, have we got anything planned on…? (Not that he needs my permission to do things, just if we have already made plans). My fiancé is quite shy in that respect so it is easier for me to do it, but when it comes to his family and friends then it is up to him to organise it…after all, I wouldn’t be spending time with them if we weren’t together (not saying I dont like his friends or family because I do…but I wouldn’t know them if it weren’t for him.  

Post # 15
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: We arent even married and I get “gifted” with this role. Case-in-point: on Sunday I said “here’s an idea: how about when we go on vaca with your family I hire a photographer and we do family photos?” (he’ll be proposing on that trip if not before). He responded “Yeah, I like that idea! You should get with my mom and start planning it.”   

Post # 16
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t really call my in-laws…and we don’t see them a ton either, they live like a half hour away and we’ll end up over there maybe once a month. I’m okay with that. Darling Husband and and his mom did used to talk a TON more before we got married. But I feel the opposite of you, honestly I’m glad they don’t talk as much as they used to because it was SO excessive. Example: It would be his day off so she’s call to see what he was doing. He would tell her we were going shopping. She would want to know where and what for. Then she would insist that we had to come over so she could give us any coupons or anything she had that we could use. Then she’d call awhile after we left their house to see if we found what we wanted. If we didn’t she’d have a million other suggestions on places to check. Then she’d call back to see if we took her up on her suggestions. Then she’d call back to see if we wanted to come over for dinner. OMG. Seriously, I’m not even exxagerating, I wish I was. I made it clear right then and there that if our relationship was going to continue that shit was going to stop. And thank god it did. I would never call her to initiate a get-together unless it was for a holiday or something because it’s seen as a green light to start that crap back up.

 

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