(Closed) Wait- my BM doesn’t want to pay for her dress?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You should not have to pay for her dress! I am a Bride and a bridesmaid in a good friends wedding that is 1 month away from mine and I had no problem paying for it. I would NEVER expect the bride to pay!

Post # 4
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

it’s customary for the BM’s to pay- part of the reason why it’s a commitment to be one! you should not have to pay. mine are all paying and in order to alleviate the burden, i made sure they knew to pick whatever shoes they wanted (didn’t have to match) and as their wedding party gifts, i am giving them their jewelry. besides, renting tuxes isn’t necessarily cheaper than buying a dress (that you get to keep!) the groomsmen in our wedding will have to pay around 130 per tux rental when you include accessories and shoes.

Post # 5
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You can’t do for one and not do for the others.  That’s not fair to everyone.  I paid for my girl’s dresses because we put it as a part of our budget.  I have heard of places renting dresses.  There is a mom amd pop shop in my town that does it.  I’ve driven by but have never been inside so I couldn’t tell you the quality of the dresses they rent.  If you want to find cheaper dresses you don’t have to just look at BM dresses.  Go to department stores and look at their party dresses and look around online.  I’m sure you can find some really great dresses that fit your theme and your BM’s budget. 

Post # 6
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

On the other side of this particular fence, over here it’s customary for the bride to pay. And I’ve four BMs. Frown However, my BMs did indeed offer to pay anyway.

Does she seriously think it’s fair to ask you to pay for her dress, but not the others? Strange.

Post # 8
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with Daisylynn – look other places for dresses. I ended up finding all of my girls’ dresses for an average of $40, though it did take about 4 months of looking at different stores, checking on ebay, etc. to find the right sizes. I also opted to pay for my BMs’ dresses. I don’t really understand the custom of asking someone to be in your wedding, but expecting them to pay a good chunk of their own money to do so. But I do get that it happens that way in many American weddings. Whether you opt to pay for their dresses or not, it should be the same for everyone in the bridal party.

Post # 9
2682 posts
Sugar bee

You shouldnt have to pay for her dress and I dont think $125 is unreasonable.  However you said she is not american, so maybe its not tradition where she is from? 

Post # 10
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

hmm.. I’ve heard of renting dresses–but this can get tricky because then they have to pay for dry cleaning etc and it could get very pricey. 

I just have a question, do you think this BM is having money issues? Could it be that financially she can’t pay for it? Did you talk to your BM’s about the price ranges you were planning on the dresses costing, before you asked them to be in your party?

I’m just saying this because I’m having 1 bridesmaid, my best friend, and then just my MOH (my sister).  I’m going to pay for their dresses, because both of them are still in grad school and I know that even a $125 dress on their part time job incomes is HUGE.   

I understand that is it  considered ‘etiquette’ for the BM to pay for their own dress, thus agreeing to being a bridesmaid=you pay for your own dress.  But, I do disagree with brides that do not even consider a budget and check with their bridesmaid first.  I’m saying this because I am going to be a bridesmaid in 2 weddings this year, 1 of which the dress is costing me $150, the other $300. Thankfully, I’m able to pay for both dresses,  but neither of the brides mentioned anything about offering to pay in the event that one of us would be financially unable to.  In my opinion, that is what I call not having ‘etiquette’. 


Post # 11
1020 posts
Bumble bee

is she asian?

in taiwan, where i’m from, even the brides rent their dresses, so, the bride, bridesmaids, MOB..etc, EVERYONE, and the marrying couple pays for the rental since it’s pretty much all included in the “package”.

i am paying for my bridesmaids’ dresses, because that way they don’t have to worry about the cost of the dress and i don’t need to worry about BM gifts.

try talking to her about this and use yourself as an example since you said you paid for your own BM dress to attend her wedding, correct? tell her about the cultural differences..etc, she should understand.

Post # 12
84 posts
Worker bee

like aunt pol said up there, its not tradition in other countries for the girls to buy their own dresses. but here it is. but ive been in weddings where (i have had to travel a whole lot of course) and the bride has paid for my dress just because i spent so much to be there. but maybe you could talk to her about it and explain your situation and if things dont change maybe do half? i dont know. thats a tough spot.

Post # 14
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wait… can’t you just buy her BM dress for your wedding and she’ll buy yours for her wedding? Doesn’t that even out in the wash?

ETA: Who pays for whom’s dress isn’t anyone else’s business anyway, but I’m sure they’d understand the custom as it sounds like she’s the only BM who’s not American, and it really would even out in the wash when you’re a BM for her wedding… Although that’s also an argument for her paying for her dress for your wedding and vice versa, too.

Post # 16
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m paying for 2 of my BM’s dresses who have less resources (it will be their gift), and 2 of them didn’t want me to help them pay (so I will get them something else as a bridesmaid gift). I agree with a previous poster, I think its weird to ask someone to pay to do a service for you (to SERVE as a bridesmaid)…

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