Post # 1
I’m new here and I’m just seeking advice concerning my relationship and this waitng game. My boyfriend  and I  have been together since July 2006 and much of the relationship has been long distance because we attended colleges and lived in cities 3 hours apart. He graduates in May and I’m hoping a ring will be on my finger soon after. Recently, I jokingly said we should set a wedding date and I picked June 2014 and he said “let’s not pick a date because it might happen before then.” I want to pick a date just to set a common goal for us and I’ve been waiting for a long time and I’m really tired of everyone asking when we’re going to get married and have kids. Plus, I’m just ready to start our lives together.
Some things about our relationship frustrate me though – and sometimes it makes me just want to give up on waiting and move on. Recently he expressed to me that he doesn’t think that he will be able to afford the ring of my dreams so I decided to find a moissanite ring to my liking. I found a ring on moissaniteco.com that’s perfect and includes the wedding band. The set of rings is $1400 which isn’t expensive at all in comparison to the gifts he expects me to get for his birthday, anniversary, christmas, etc. Last year he asked for an iPad, an HDTV, and a professional DSLR camera. All of that is well over $1400 and I don’t ask for gifts that are THAT expensive because I’m trying to save for our future. I feel that if he expects me to spend that kind of money on gifts then he should not complain about the price of the rings. He has money for everything that he wants but why not money for this?
I think he expects me to be satisfied with whatever he gives me. I’m not a diva or anything and I’m not hard to please, I just think that I should get the exact ring that I want since I’ll be wearing it everyday for the rest of my life.
Am I being unreasonable? I honestly feel that if I don’t get the ring by the end of the year I’m done with the relationship. I don’t feel that we are on the same page.
Post # 3
I totally agree with you..Why shouldnt you have the ring of your dreams if you have been his wish fairy he should be yours. I agree if he is not serious and you have a specific timeframe then you should leave and find someone else that is on the same page you are.
Tell him how you feel and what you are expecting and go from there.
Post # 4
@withloveandrea: he wants an ipad and all that stuff from you? Sounds likes a diva to me.
I say walk. You deserve someone better.
Post # 5
He does not sound like someone who would be good husband material in my opinion (constantly asking for expensive gifts…) I think you can do better. I vote walk!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It sounds like he’s not ready to make a plan or take action on it. I think your expectations of him may be a bit out of touch with reality. Dude is 24 years old and still in school. He may not be ready to do the whole settle down, put others needs and wants before my own, be a good life partner thing just yet. Just because you have had a few more years to grow as a person and become more settled, that doesn’t mean that he should be rushed through that stage just to meet your timeline.
This may be an issue of age and maturity that you will either have to wait out for a while longer or walk away from if you simply don’t want to put your marriage goals on hold. FWIW, there is NOTHING wrong with searching your heart and soul, and then deciding that you don’t want to wait around. If you have certain goals, and your relationship no longer fits with those goals, it’s okay to part ways. It’s okay to say, “I love you, but this is no longer the right relationship for me to be in. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.”
Post # 7
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it sounds like he is taking advantage of you – asking you for expensive gifts, depending on you to plan and save for your future. I get that all relationships are different, but it sounds a little one sided in your situation, at least from what you have posted here.
You sound like a smart, strong, woman that any guy would be LUCKY to have. You deserve someone who has the same goals as you!
Post # 8
Last year he asked for an iPad, an HDTV, and a professional DSLR camera. All of that is well over $1400
His not proposing doesn’t really surprise me–it doesn’t sound like he wants a wife. It sounds like he wants a sugar mama.
I don’t think I could be with someone who expected fancy gifts like that whether or not he proposed to me, honestly. That sort of selfishness and immaturity don’t speak well of his ability to be a good father in the future.
Post # 9
Ok you guys are making a lot of sense and I’ve thought of the same things you are saying. (i.e. sugar mama, not being a good husband/provider, etc.)
It’s weird because he thinks that he will be a good provider. He wants me to depend on him but I don’t think I can. We just had a convo the other day and he stated that if he can’t find a job right out of college he will enlist in the Marines. I told him that he shouldn’t expect me to be here waiting for our relationship to resume when he gets back. Surprisingly he said, “What if we get married before I go?” I said that’s fine as long as I can have a dream wedding.
But I’m really not sure if I will wait. I can’t understand why he would just want to leave and enlist in the armed forces while I stay here and take care of myself like I’ve always done. I don’t see how the situation would benefit me.
Thank you bees for your feedback. Maybe his mindset will change after he graduates. Hopefully. I’ll set my walk date for December 31, 2013. I’ll keep you guys posted.
Post # 10
Having been in two long distance relationships, I have to say I really don’t like them.
That being said, do you want to marry a man who might go off to join the Marines? And when he comes back you may have to move on a whime to wherever he is stationed. A friends’ daughter is having to deal with this right now, and I think she is on the verge of divorce. She is a homebody and doesnt want to live in Japan, Germany etc. etc.
How do you feel about that?
Also I wouldn’t be pleased that he asks for expensive gifts. That seems rude. As for the price of your ring, yeah I agree its not much, but some mens prorities are different.
Post # 11
He sounds like a user to me. I say talk to him, give him an ultimatum, see what he says, go from there. You’ll have your answer to walk or stay.
Post # 12
@VictorianChick: I agree. I want my first marriage to be my only marriage. I don’t have a problem with traveling – I actually like to travel but I don’t like the idea of him enlisting because I know that’s not him. He’s not that type. I think he has issues and insecurities about being a provider because of his dad. His dad is over 50 and still worries like crazy about trying to provide for his 5 adult children – which is weird.
And for the record – he does buy me nice gifts (not that expensive though) but I would rather have less expensive and meaningful gifts so that he can save for a ring.
@jmaze: I think I will have a serious talk with him – hopefully we can see eye to eye. If not, oh well – I have to do what’s best for me.
Post # 13
I haven’t heard the word “love” here at all. Do you love this man? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
You should never settle for someone– you’re too young for that. If you have real grievances or frutrations with the relationship, end it now and move on.
Post # 14
@JaneyDcat: I really do love him and I think that’s why I’m so torn. If I didn’t I would’ve left years ago. I sincerely want to spend the rest of my life with him I just think we have things to work through like all relationships but I don’t know if this is fixable.
Post # 15
@withloveandrea: His dad is over 50 and still worries like crazy about trying to provide for his 5 adult children – which is weird.
Wait so… he’s got you taking care of him… and his DAD is still taking care of him… and he’s 24? When is this guy gonna grow up and provide for HIMSELF?
I hate to echo the PPs, but it really does sound like this guy just wants a sugar mama. :/ I can’t even FATHOM ever asking ANYONE for a $1400 birthday present. That actually seems like kind of an obscene amount of money to spend on something that happens every single year…
Post # 16
@withloveandrea: Sadly, I have to agree with the majority of the PPs. I say “Walk.” No offense to your SO – I am sure he is a nice guy – but he seems like he is all over the place right now, which is totally fine at 24. “Maybe I’ll enlist in the Marines! Oh wait, gotta finish school first!” etc.. However, the last thing someone all over the place with their life goals needs is a serious relationship. You on the other hand seem like you are ready and want a serious relationship, hence I think that you two are on different pages at the moment. Do you really want to wait and take the gamble that yes, he may mature up a little bit and finally be ready? There is a chance that he may never catch up to where you are – are you willing to take the chance of that happening? You are 27 – you have quite a few “fun” dating years ahead of you. If you walk, you will be fine. Obviously, it’s ultimately your choice, but if I were in your shoes, I would walk.