Post # 17
@rachelmichelle: Well maybe I should have clarified. His dad has numerous loans to pay for their education (and maxed out) since he didn’t save for it. His dad is paying for his education and nothing else. That may be the norm for some but I find it odd because I paid my way through college and I understand that it’s my education and I’ll have to pay back the remainder of the loans.
I feel like I’m kind of defending him…
He didn’t ask for all of that at once but over a year’s time. Which is still a bit much and I didn’t buy any of that. I bought him reasonably-priced gifts. I wouldn’t feel so bad splurging from time to time if I knew that I was getting a ring or if the same was being spent on me. It feels one sided.
Post # 18
@MrsNewDay: I agree with you completely. I think I’m just afraid of starting over and honestly if we severed ties I would definitely want everything back so I can recoup some money…lol
Post # 19
@withloveandrea: That is still a lot of expensive gifts for just one year. I personally find it distasteful when the guy asks for such gifts, it doesn’t scream “provider” to me. Why can’t he just buy those electronics himself? He doesn’t sound like a bad guy, but he is young and it seems that he’s not at the same place as you in life.
Post # 20
@withloveandrea: Its undersatndable that you would be “defending” although I dont think its so much defending as clarifying 🙂
You have been in a long relationship, so the idea of starting over is very scary. Thats natural and okay to feel.
Have you thought about maybe taking a break and seeing what happens? He’s 24 and all over the map, which as someone else said is typical for a 24 year old male(or many of them anyway). some space might clear both your minds.
Post # 21
i say STAY. if you love him enough to marry him isnt he worth waiting for??? if not then leave. it sucks waiting!! i know. My Fiance and i started dating in 2005 and we just got engaged last year. it sounds like your BF wants to marry you but that its just not the right time for him. he is graduating in may.
i felt like i couldnt wait anymore by the time he did ask. but i felt so confused becausei love him soo much i couldnt imagine not marrying him in the end. he is a fisherman so he is gone from may to sept. i also felt like how many summers can i wait for him without a ring. ten years? 12? i was kind of in panic mode. i dont know why he would want to enlist unless it was kind of a dream of his. did he ever bring it up before? still sounds like he wants to marry you. hes not avoiding the convo. it would be a shame to leave him right before he asks.
a lot of girls would not agree with it but i think you should take what ever ring he gives you. my Fiance proposed with a tiny silver ring after 7 years. i was so happy i didnt care. later i found out his grandma was late on it but was sending up a ring for me. and that ring is my Engagement Ring now. i also wear the one he actually proposed with on my pinky. my wedding ring is my grandmothers. so i havent been able to pick either ring myself. but i dont mind. i told him that on a certain year anniversary i would like a really really nice ring that 😉 nothing wrong with his grandmas ring but i always wanted a claddagh ring.
did he really ask for all those gifts or just one of those would be nice. guys dont think like us. to them its just a ring. its tiny and the barely see it. you are right its expensive but weddings are aslo very very expensive so maybe that really what hes thinking about and not just the ring.
Post # 22
I agree with most PPs, it seems like you SO is all over the map. Honestly, it seems like you two need to sit down and have a serious conversation. He seems to have an answer for everything, and doesn’t seem to want to work hard to reach his goals. I’m assuming his goals are to marry you and start your life together. Maybe you should ask him what his goals are? Straight up, ask him. Maybe even each write them down on separate pieces of paper and compare them. He’s about to graduate school, its time to grow up a bit.
As far as the ring goes, I thought I had picked out my ring with Fiance months before we got engaged. When he proposed last June, it wasn’t the ring I picked. But it was way better, not because it was a more expensive setting, or a larger diamond than I had expected… It was better simply because it was the ring that he picked out.
When he mentioned going to the Marines, and that maybe you’d get married before he went, you said “as long as you can have your dream wedding” and you talk about “the exact ring that you want”. These things, although wonderful and lovely, are not what makes a marriage. Talking about getting married to this guy shouldn’t necessarily revolve around what you both want in your lives. You can have your dream wedding and get a gorgeous ring from anyone. Ask yourself, is this the person you want to spend your life with? If the answer isnt “ABSOLUTELY YES” then you need to consider moving on.
Post # 23
@VictorianChick: We talked about taking a break but I’m not sure that’s the best option considering the state of our relationship. I’ll discuss that and see if it’s the right thing to do right now.
I agree with you. I keep stressing over walking and what if I walk out right before he’s deciding to propose. This waiting game is horrible and I think it has me going crazy and finding things wrong with the relationship.
Great idea. When we see each other next weekend we can compare our goals. Also, thank you for putting things into perspective. I’m the type of girl that watches every wedding shows and I’ve been obsessed with all things wedding related since I was about 12. I may be focusing too much on the wedding and not the marriage.