Post # 16
Life has no order 🙂 Do what is best for you and your husband. Like whitums: story–I had my first before I was married and then found my love. My little brother got married and they got pregnant before I was married to Darling Husband. I couldn’t imagine being upset because all of this happened for him before it happened for me. His life isn’t mine, and my happiness isn’t based on me getting to do things first; its based on me getting to be apart of all of the happiness around me.
Post # 17
You cannot plan your life around someone else’s life. That’s like when they used to not allow younger sisters to “be out in company” until the older sisters were married.
Post # 18
Eh my older sister and I are all out of wack when it comes to order. She moved out first, I got engaged first, she got married first, I bought a house first, and unless she has an oopsie baby I’ll be the first to have kids. Order really doesn’t matter. Follow your timeline and no one else’s. You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold just because of someone else’s struggles. And to close, in the words of my big sister “You do you boo.”
Post # 19
teacherbee01: I definitely wouldn’t postpone my own TTC schedule/wants – I do think that it is loving and considerate of you to consider her feelings, and I think that you’d be best served having a discussion with her about it just to give her a heads up and so that it’s not suddenly ‘I’m pregnant!’. But like I said, and echoing PP’s, don’t postpone your own TTC journey because you never know how long it could take.
Post # 20
No, you definitely shouldn’t wait solely because of her.
But if you do get pregnant, just try to be cogniscent of how she may feel (hopefully she will be by then!), and know that she just might not be able to be as happy for you as you may hope: it’s nothing personal. Good luck.
Post # 21
Are you willing to wait indefinitely until she gets pregnant? If not, then whats the point of waiting at all? What if you wait and then find out YOU have trouble getting pregnant too?
Post # 22
teacherbee01: Do it on your own timeline. I know people who were TTCing for 5 years before any success (or not). It’s up to you if you talk to her first but personally I wouldn’t.
Post # 23
My sister struggled to conceive and it was such a stressful time. I was terrified I’d have a baby before here. I wasn’t in a relationship then and she had a baby before I was. It took her 5 years. It took me 12 months to fall. I would never tell anyone to wait.
If you fall before her she will be heartbroken and initially it will hurt. But she will also understand how precious conceiving is.
Post # 24
having gone through 2 years of fertility treatment, i would say you should TTC on your own time. if you get pregnant first, your sister may be sad for herself and happy for you at the same time. but you can’t wait forever.
Post # 25
A ton of people have said this already, but definitely don’t wait.
I am that older sister in your situation. In conversations years ago when me and Darling Husband and my little bro and SIL were engaged/getting married around the same time, talk of a kids timeline came up. I remember my SIL saying something like, “well, we really want you guys to have kids first”. I assured them that was silly, and they should have kids when they want to have kids! We started trying in Aug 2014 and I knew they were going to try that following spring. They conceived in the second month trying. It was a little bit hard for me, but I was also SO happy for them. She ended up miscarrying that one, then Darling Husband and I conceived in Aug 2015 and them 3 weeks later! It is so much fun going through the pregnancies together.
You absolutely shouldn’t hold off ttc, for anyone, if you’re ready. You never know what might happen.
Post # 26
No, no, no, do not wait. Do not wait at all. TTC when you are ready. I can’t stress this enough. You may hae your own troubles conceiving; who knows? If you get pregnant before your sister does & she’s upset, that’s really her problem (I also had fertility problems so I feel I am allowed to say this 🙂 ).
Post # 27
It’s very sweet of you to consider her feelings so much, but you can’t put your own life on hold. July is still a long way away, and they will likely have a much better idea what fertility issues they are facing by the time your TTC time rolls around. My husband and I had a surprise pregnancy while my SIL had been trying for a couple years. Telling her that I was expecting was the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do, becauses as excited as I was, my heart was breaking for her. However, we can’t control our (or those around us) lives, and she was sad for a while but then got really excited! I just made a point to never complain about my pregnancy around her (terrible morning sickness all but 4 weeks of it). And then, two days after my son was born, she found out she was expecting! Everything happens in perfect timing.
Post # 28
Thanks bees for all of the advice! Its so scary hearing how long it takes some people to concieve! it actually makes me feel a little better though because all i keep thinking is that she wont be able to have kids ( which I kmow she is thinking too, and is really hurting her). So its kind of relieving to hear thhat other people go through the same stuff and still end up concieving, even if it takes a little longer. Seeing my sister so stressed out, stresses me out too! I want her tobehappy! But youre right.. I know in the end shellbe happy for me no matter what.
Post # 29
Don’t put your life on hold for your sister. If you get pregnant easily, while it may upset her that she is still struggling, she will be thrilled for you. My mum (who struggled with fertility issues for 4 years, while her friends and sisters all got pregnant and had multiple babies) has said that while it hurt whenever she found out someone else was pregnant, she was so happy for them, that they didn’t have to go through what her and my dad were going through. She is your sister so I honestly think she would feel the same way. If it all worked out that you are pregnant at the same time, I’m sure she would be equally thrilled that you get to share this experience.
Plus, as a few PPs have pointed out, just because you want to start trying in July doesn’t mean that is when you get pregnant. It could take you up to a year even with nothing wrong.
Post # 30
I would never ever plan my life around my siblings or my FI’s siblings – we do things that a time and pace that suits us. I am the eldest of 5 and, so far, I have been the first to reach life’s milestones – I was the first to buy a house and to get engaged. My Fiance, on the other hand, is the youngest of 4 and he was the second to buy a house (1 of his sister’s still hasn’t bought one and we’ve lived in ours for 2 years) and the second to get engaged. Whilst one of his sisters seemed a little put out initially that we got engaged before she did, everyone has overall been very happy for us and very supportive. I cannot imagine putting my life on hold until they bought a house or got married or had kids or whatever – if we’re ready for it now, then that’s just the way it is.