(Closed) "Wait to have kids as long as you can!"

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had this… My mom was telling us to wait at least 3 years. oops. We were married when 29/25 and now at 30/26  are expecting our first. It’s YOUR life, do what you want. All the comments can get pretty annoying and overwhelming.

Post # 4
Member
3739 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

People will always have opinions; you just have to do what’s best for you and your husband. Some people will insist you should start trying right away while others say wait. My husband and I are going to wait a couple more years (we’re both 28) until we try. We only want one child, and I’ve only just started getting slight baby fever. My husband is still hesitant, hence the waiting. You do you and don’t worry about what other people think. 

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

They probably say it because having kids is blooming hard. Bye bye sleep, socialising, sex lol. I am a mother of two and I am 34 so I kind of know why they are saying it! However you are young so you probably won’t get as tired and if that’s what you want go for it! At 24 I was living the life with a career, partying every weekend ect there was no way I was ready for kids back then but not everyone wants to spend their 20’s that way.

Post # 6
Member
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
happilywed1066 :  well, as someone who “waited” to have kids until I was in my early 30’s, I tend to agree. I didn’t consider myself waiting, though, I was just living and enjoying life in a way that having children makes more difficult. Lots of crazy travel and outdoor adventures with friends and my husband, lots of doing things for myself (training for races, pursuing cool work opportunities, getting better at something I love-skiing, reading tons of books, etc) I’ve never looked back and wished we’d started sooner. But ofcourse it is entirely up to you, many people seek to be younger parents and want the advantages that can bring. If you want babies now that is no one’s business but yours, it’s YOUR life.

Post # 7
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

OP, I find it so interesting that people have said this to you.

I’ve been with my Fiance almost 9 years but we’re only 26. We plan on TTC next year (but no one knows this yet). Will likely be around 28 when we have our first. 

All we ever get from people is ‘HAVE A BABY ALREADY!’

This has been happening for years.

 

Post # 8
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It’s the opposite for us. Family wants us to have kids right away but we want to wait 3-4 years after marriage (Making us close to 30 by then). I typically agree when people say to wait, kids change everything, and they’re only saying that to make sure you experience all that life has to offer before you have to sacrifice most of your time to kids.

Post # 9
Member
8600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well you only have one chance to be young DINK newlyweds. Once you have kids, that’s that. Life is completely different in every moment. Why not enjoy both phases. It would also give you that many more years to save and build yourself up financially. There is no downside to you waiting 3-5 years IMO. 

Im 30 and we’re still waiting 2 years. You have your whole life to be a mom, why not enjoy the wife groove for awhile.

Post # 10
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m one of the wait people. I don’t tell others to wait because it’s none of my business but my husband and I are in no rush to have kids (both of us are 26). Kids change your lives so completely and honestly I jut can’t imagine wanting that responsibility so young in life. 

A lot of my friends got married young and then had kids right away and if I’m being completely honest I don’t envy or want thier lives one bit. I think there’s a lot they will miss out on experiencing.

Post # 12
Member
27 posts
Newbee

I don’t think I would actually tell someone to wait but I do agree there is no rush at that age. I had my first at 29 (although we tried for almost three years) and am due with my second. 

I think many comments are coming from the fact that kids do change everything. Some hobbies you enjoyed are now nearly impossible to do, enjoying each other becomes harder, and impromptu plans are out the window. Looking back I wish we had done more as a couple while we had more time/expendable income.

But it’s your choice in the end and if you feel ready than who’s to tell you differently.

 

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Do what is best for you and ignore the comments. I don’t think you need to wait if you don’t want too. Some people say to wait so you can “experience more” like travel, partying, random plans, sleeping in, but that stuff isn’t a priority for everyone. Some people are really excited to start a family and enjoy experiences with their kids. I know I am. 

Originally right after we got married everyone was asking when we were going to have kids then when I got pregnant many people were surprised. We had been married for a year and half, had a house, great jobs, and we are 27. I received many “Were you trying to get pregnant?” comments, which I found intrusive and offensive. None of our friends are married, some are engaged, and none of them have kids or are even thinking of kids so I think it was a bit of shock for them. My parents are obsessively excited. My in-laws are excited too but are struggling with the “grandparent” title as they think they are too young. We did travel a little and party lots in our early 20s but I’m so over the partying stuff and can’t wait to start this new phase in life.  

Post # 14
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

While I would never tell someone what to do with their uterus, I can understand why it’d bring said and this is coming from soon who is now 38.I have 2 and am presently a single m after my divorce.However, my kids are super well behaved and I get a break with my ex husband taking them every other weekend, etc.  Strangely enough, when I was married, I was more exhausted because they were always with Mr and younger.. I literally had no time to myself….now that they’re 7 and 8, I have a bit of my independence back.But I couldn’t imagine being super young and having to go through the little kid stage…I am glad I enjoyed my life before.. and while I enjoy my life now, it’s an entirely different kind of process and the flexibility is a bit limited…personally, I am glad I had my first at 30.One more thing, I would advise anyone to finish all schooling first if you can.

Post # 15
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think people say “wait” because there’s so much fun to be had in your 20’s that you can’t really do with kids. I mean, I know having kids is fun in its own way…but when DH and I want to just pick up and leave for a weekend of camping or skiing, we can. If we want to just plan a vacation we don’t have to think about paying for kids to come along, or convincing grandma to watch them for a week…and we don’t have to plan our lives around what a kid would want to do, or how long they can go without a nap or a snack. For us, it’s just that life seems so much more convenient without kids.

So, I’m pretty firmly in the wait camp especially if you’re in your early to mid 20’s. I’m 27…and honestly I would love to still wait until I’m 30 or so. Unfortunately for us, due to health issues, waiting isn’t an option…it’s kind of like we either try now, or if we want to wait there’s a chance we won’t be able to have kids at all, or would need to use expensive alternatives for conception…so I guess, although I probably wouldn’t outright tell someone to wait, my advice would be to appreciate that you still have the option to wait.

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