(Closed) "Wait to have kids as long as you can!"

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 76
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’m firmly in the “wait” camp. I’m pregnant with #1 at 36 and am so glad I spent my 20s travelling the world, partying, socialising to excess, getting my career set up and enjoying life as a carefree young adult before settling down. Met Darling Husband at 32, and we were still in no rush at that point. I finally feel ready for the responsibility of children now, just! 

Do whatever is right for you and your husband though! 

Post # 77
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

As long as you are financially able to support the child a bit younger then do it if it feels right! Kids that have younger parents also get younger grandparents. My Fiance is 30 in a few days and still has three!! And his nephew has three great grandparents!! Lucky boy. So lovely to not lose family really young. 

Post # 78
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would never tell someone to wait to have children (I don’t have any so I don’t know what it’s like), but the only time I think it might be wise to wait a year or 2 is if the couple was not living together before and just moved in together. Get adjusted to that for awhile first, then do the kid thing. But again, I would never actually voice that!

Post # 79
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
happilywed1066 :  My daughter is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. Beats any trip or experience hands down every single day BUT I’m still happy I waited until I was 31. My husband and I only met when we were 26 so we had 4 years just us before pregnancy and baby and I cherish those years as well.

I think people mostly mean “don’t rush life”. Every stage is fun! And sometimes it is hard not to just take off on a whim or even go out for supper Saturday night the two of us or have a lazy morning in bed. Babies are up early and take a lot of work…and change your life forever! 🙂

Post # 80
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

My Mom told us to wait 5 years! We’re TTC… 

Post # 81
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Once you have kids your life does change forever.  Not that you have to give up everything to have kids but you do have to give up a lot.  A lot changes and there is no going back to life pre-kids.  It’s not just partying, it’s travel, doing fun things on the weekends, making last minute plans, doing whatever you want with spare time, sleeping…  That is what they are getting at.

Post # 82
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t read all the comments and ultimately you have to decide what is right for you. Have babies and create a family for yourself when you want to – that’s what it’s all about and you shouldn’t need or feel like you need acceptance from anybody.

That being said, please don’t underestimate how much having a baby changes everything. I know people say it does but it seriously does. It changes your relationship,  it changes you as a person, it changes friendships. Every single thing you enjoy doing is secondary to what baby wants/needs and it’s overwhelming. 

Im 30 and I have a 4 month old and I adore her and already can’t imagine my life without her. Every day I count my blessings BUT everyday is like Groundhog Day, every day I worry about her, her future, every decision I make is based on what’s best for her – even down to what food I eat (breastfeeding.) And I’m lucky because I have a healthy, thriving baby who’s pretty chilled put.

I’m glad I waited because selfishly I feel that I’ve had my fun in my 20s and i dont resent her from holding me back from doing things that I want to do.  I also feel like my age helps me speak out and standup for what I believe is best for her future which is very important (don’t underestimate mummy instinct!) In my 20s i was shy and would have struggled to do this! So for me, 30 feels like the perfect age. 

But only you know when is right for you and whether you’re emotionally ready to give so much up. What you gain is something so indescribably wonderful but also so indescribably everything that your whole world will shift on its axis and never ever be the same!

Post # 83
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I get it those comments on occasion, but not very often. My husband and I just got married in May and we wanted to try to have kids right away (I’m 26 and my husband is 32). To me, it’s really none of anyone’s business to tell someone to wait. Some people want kids earlier in life and some want them later. So it just depends on what you want at certain times in your life and what you are making a priority. Some people like myself, have already done a lot at a young age. I partied a lot when I was in high school, traveled in my early 20’s and now I have been with my husband for almost 6 years. So we feel we have been together long enough to have enjoyed our time together just him and I. And now we want to expand that part of our relationship into a family of more than just the two of us. I have no interest in partying anymore. I’ve grown out of that stage of my life a long time ago. And there isn’t anything saying that I can’t travel when I have a family. Yes, it makes it a little more difficult to travel with kids. But to me, that’s part of creating family memories. So don’t worry about people telling you to wait. It just means their priorities, wants and goals are different from yours and there is nothing wrong with that. Just do you!

 

Post # 84
Member
3197 posts
Sugar bee

I am also in the ‘wait’ camp. There are almost no downsides to waiting, and plenty of upsides. You’ll be more financially prepared if you act responsibly, not just for affording the upfront costs, but for avoiding financial ruin in the event of an emergency. You’ll likely be more patient and mature. You and your spouse will have weathered a few more storms that will help you through the hardest parts of having children, which start immediately (sleep deprivation, feeding issues, colicicky babies). 

I understand wanting to be younger for the easier carrying a pregnancy and more energy while raising the child benefits. 

 

Post # 85
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

I’m getting the exact opposite. In-laws keep telling us to have babies. They’ve also gone as far as saying that nothing changes when you have children and you don’t have to sacrifice anything. I know. They’re crazy desperate.

Post # 86
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
btob17 :  it’s awesome you’ve done and do all of those things with kids! Honestly if I saw more people parenting like this I probably would’ve had them myself and it’s only the hope that it’s possible that has me thinking I will. Perhaps your circles are vastly different than mine but what you describe is far from typical of what I see. Most parents I see do vastly restrict what they do, where they go, their travel etc after having kids. It looks blooming glib. 

OP they’re only saying that because having kids is hard and people romanticise youth. It’s a reflection on their lives, not yours.  Don’t take it to heart 

Post # 87
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
happilywed1066 :  You just have to do what feels right for both of you. I had our son 8 days after turning 27 (DH was the same age), and it was/is the right time for us. It was just something I knew. Darling Husband was a little more unsure, but when our son was born, he was so glad we decided to go ahead and start trying. We actually may be one and done, so I’m glad we’ll have our 30s to focus on our son while still having tons of energy and time for our careers. 

Post # 88
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

As with what most posters said, live your life the way you want to. I wouldn’t tell someone to “wait” if they wanted to have a kid at 26 if they were able to afford and care for one (you have to be able to plan before having a child and some parents have one before they are ready).

I personally want to enjoy my youth as much as I can. I like having “me” time and “couple” time with my Fiance and cannot imagine sharing this time with a child yet. I want to travel and enjoy the calm and my tight belly while I still can. We might consider having children when I hit 30 but for now, I am enjoying my quiet nights, spontaneous sex, and time alone without interruption.

Post # 89
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nothing fully prepares you for children. Have them when you feel ready, not when someone else tells you to. 

Post # 90
Member
6847 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

First, I think it is beyond rude to tell someone else when to have children – even if you are “joking”. Second, have children when YOU are ready.

But, last, I have to agree that your life changes FOREVER once you have children. It just isn’t as easy to pick up and go somehwhere. It isn’t quite as easy to travel. There are other priorities for the budget. No more sleeping in on a weekend; no more going out with friends at the drop of a hat; no more lazy weekends in bed with Darling Husband. Yes, babies can be more fulfilling than all of that, but only once other things are out of your system, IMO. 

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