- 10 years ago
- Wedding: April 2009
So I am still just waiting for my In vitro (#2) Clinical trial to start which is super hard for me, not the most patient person when it comes to my life, patient with others but not with myself. Looks like it will be around last week of Sept? Still not 100% sure of when and I am just ready to be pregnant again or to put this all behind us. Always know the direction my life is going and it gets to me that things are still up in the air. Darling Husband and I did come to a mutual decision though, this is it for us. This will be our last IVF attempt, we’re not willing to stay on hold with our lives any longer.
It doesn’t help that I heard yesterday that my ex’s new wife had her IVF on 7/15, of course he never even wanted more kids prior to being w/me even had a vasectomy 5yrs before that. Now I’ve miscarried and am in limbo for my next cycle and his new wife who already has 4kids, is probably pregnant! Can’t help but wonder if he’ll name them the same names we picked out together too? All this and really glad it’s her having his stupid babies because I’m sure he’s still a mess of a partner. And I am really mad at myself for even letting it bother me, but it does.
Oh and I am a buddhist and my faith says to have compassion for all and having ill feelings will only come back to me so next I will be meditating on getting my head straight but I just had to vent first.