(Closed) Wait, what did you say? moment.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4065 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My thoughts are as follows: either you’re ok with it, and trust your guy, like you said multiple times, or you don’t, and you’re worried. Decide which side of that line you come down on, and either let him go, and be ok with it (and ACTUALLY be ok with it, don’t spend the weekend worrying), or quit worrying about being a cool girl and he honest and ask him not to go.

Neither is wrong, or bad….just be honest with yourself. And him.

Post # 3
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t really know why you made that “joke” in the first place if you actually feel secure and okay with him going on the trip. I don’t think you’re as cool with it as you claim and that feeling is being magnified by the comment he made.

Post # 5
Member
6442 posts
Bee Keeper

devi514:  That would bother me, the comment, and the fact that he was going on a trip for the sole purpose of drinking and picking up women.  I remember when my husband went to a bachelor party.  I said he should go, but I was so insanely nervous he’d find someone better there.  What didn’t help the matter was that I was nearly 8 months pregnant.  But nothing happened, despite the whole point of a bachelor party is to get drunk, have one last hurray, and go to strip clubs (which I still cringe at when I think that he was there) but it meant a lot to him and probably will be the last one he ever goes too.

This sounds like a recurrent thing for your Fiance.  And you sound really uncomfortable with it.  either you’re okay with it or you’re not, and it’s not wrong to feel uncomfortable with it, but you need to explain why you are to him.  Either you trust him or you don’t.  Either you trust him to not pick up women, or to not succumb to peer pressure.  You have to be honest with yourself first and tell him how you feel.

Post # 6
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

devi514:  I wuldn’t worry about it. That sounds like a joke, although a bit insensitive. He probably picked it up from his buddies

Post # 7
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It was a dumb thing for him to say but guys say dumb things sometimes. Either you do trust him or don’t. It sounds as if his friends needs to grow up, but not much you can do about that, honestly.

Post # 8
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t worry about it.  You were giving him a little business with your joke and you got a little business right back.  I wouldn’t dwell on it.

But outside of the little joke gone bad, the first poster gave excellent advice on these boys weekends in gensral.  

Post # 9
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

dumb question —> dumb reply

let it go!

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

The fact that you make the “joke” originally shows that you are uncomfortable with it.  He can get plenty of “guy-time” without an event like that, and while it may be fun it’s definitely not necessary to maintain a friendship.  An ultimatum probably isn’t a wise move, but explaining how uncomfortable it makes you is a good start.  He will probably get defensive and ask why you don’t trust him, but comments like the one he made give enough reason to instill doubt.  That was a poor choice on his part for sure.

Post # 12
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

That comment would probably make me uncomfortable, but I think it comes down to how the rest of your relationship is… like if it was my Fiance that said it I would just laugh it off becuase I trust him 100%… but if it was my ex who had said it I would have been suspicious becuase we have trust issues.

Me, personally, wouldn’t be comfortable with my Fiance spending weekends away with the kinds of guys that your SO’s freinds seem to be… I just know how guys can try to pressure their freinds into doing stuff they normally wouldnt do… hopefully your SO has a good backbone and isn’t easily pressured.

Post # 13
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this. Trust means a lot, but actions mean more. Your partner enjoys the company of womanizer pigs who even in their late 30s want nothing more than to pick up girls to wham bam thank you ma’am. He enjoys being with them. From his comment it’s clear he enjoys at the very least hitting on women as if he was single (when he’s in better shape….). Trust is great, but he’s showing you he’s not all that trustworthy. He’s very comfortable (excited even) to put himself in a situation that very well could lead to cheating. Drinking to excess, flirting with women, and two pigs egging him on…. You can trust him till the cows come home, but he is showing you that he’s not trustworthy enough to make choices that don’t put him SMACK in the middle of a huge temptation to cheat. Not good.

 

 

HA SCREW BEING THE COOL GIRL. you know what I think is cool? Respecting my partner, not giving him any reason to worry, and speaking up when I feel he’s being disrespectful or making me uncomfortable. “Cool” doesn’t mean bottling up your feelings because it’s more convenient and “cool” for your partner to not have to deal with them….

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee

This thread involves a poster who is going on a trip with friends without her partner. To be fair,  the partner was invited. But now the partner is ending the relationship over this issue. 

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/trouble-in-paradise-literally/

it seems like the characterisation of the friends is thre major issue for this OP. Perhaps her partner can enjoy the debauchery by proxy and not partake himself. 

Post # 15
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sounds like he was joking, right? My husband says stuff like that all the time thinking he’s hilarious. He probably thought your question was ridiculous so he gave you a ridiculous, joke of an answer. Don’t dwell on it 

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