(Closed) Wait, what did you say? moment.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

devi514:  i always joke with my Fiance but that’s just me. If my Fiance said that i would have said something along the lines of but you won’t ever be so we don’t have to worry about that. Again this is something I would say in my relationship. I trust my Fiance enough to know he wouldn’t cheat. I see it as he was joking and trying to make you laugh. I personally wouldn’t be mad just me though. I wasn’t there nor do i know how you are as a couple. I say just relax. Everything will be ok. You obviously trust him and not his friends. We can’t control what others are going to do so let it take its course. if something happens he will probably be the first to tell you unless he actually does cheat but again we can’t live life wondering or in fear of what are SO are going to do. We just live life and take it day by day.

Post # 17
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

devi514:  Oh man, almost spilled my coffee on my keyboard! Too funny…and sadly too true!

Post # 18
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

devi514:  The comment wouldn’t bother me (although Fiance and I joke like that all the time with each other).  Do you guys usually joke around like this?

But it ultimately comes down to- You either trust him to go on this trip, or you don’t.  

Post # 19
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

its clear to me that you made the joke hoping for reassurance from your guy.

What he did was the opposite, and said something stupid back. 

So the combined non-reassurance and insensitive comment you received have made you super nervous about the trip. So much more than before. I get it. I would be upset too.

As others have said, just be honest with him. Tell him you’re uncomfortable with the trip. He will hopefully understand and not go.

It’s a single guys trip. It’s not cool to invite non-single guys on a trip like this. It sounds like the friends are hoping and wishing their non-single friends will cheat and party and end their relationships after this weekend, so they can go back to being the single guys group they once were. Its rude and not realistic of these friends. 

Post # 20
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’d like to echo PPs’ sentiments that in reality, you’re feeling a little insecure about this boys’ trip. And you’re way overanalyzing his comment. I’d just assume that maybe he meant that he’s not fit or attractive enough for girls to like him if he was going to try hitting on them anyway. But he’s made it clear that he’s not going to do that like his friend Scott. So….non-issue.

Post # 22
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just because a man is hanging out with single “pigs” doesn’t mean he’s automatically going to cheat. He’s going so he can drink, hang out with his buddies and laugh at them trying to pick up girls. My Fiance goes out with his single friends to bars and I don’t automatically think “single friends = the one friend in the group with a gf cheating”. If he’s going to cheat, he’ll cheat without his friends around too. If you trust him, you trust him.

And making those “jokes” really doesn’t help the situation. You were being snarky and expected him to what? Coddle you and respond to your ridiculous comment with a rational and loving answer? Of course he gave you a snarky comment back. If you wanted to have an adult conversation about your worries, don’t throw it out there as a joke. If you’d maturely said something like “I know how Scott and the other guys can be. It makes me uncomfortable that you’re going away with a bunch of single guys. In the back of my mind, I worry that you’ll try to flirt with/pick up girls like the rest of them”. Then you would’ve gotten a mature response of “Of course I would never do that. What can I do to make you more comfortable with this?”

I’ve had those conversations (the latter) with my Fiance when he’s gone on guys’ trips before. And we would compromise that he’d call me every night and check in once in a while to update me on what they’re doing. Maybe that sounds controlling but it eased my mind and has made his “guys’ trips” much easier on our relationship.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  SoonAsYouCan.
Post # 23
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

I read it as a complete joke on his part and certainly nothing to worry about. I’m quite a paranoid person as well but wouldn’t have read into that.

I’m sorry you have done though and it has worried you, try to forget about it as it was definitely a joke.

Post # 24
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

devi514:  I don’t know. My Fiance and I joke about stuff like that. He’ll be going out and because I trust him I’ll say something like, “Remember, you’re only allowed to pick up the super hot ones.” He’ll respond back with “Man, I was hoping I had a chance.” or “Well, better not go, she’s already in my bedroom.”

Wehn I went to england he reminded me not to pick up any Hot English guys, but the hot Scots were fair game.

Post # 26
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee

You joked and he joked right back. You dealt it, and he returned it. I fail to see the issue here.

Post # 27
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

This would irk me. I say “irk” because I’m not sure if it would go as far as to “bother” me, but I definitely see where you’re coming from. To me it seems like he forgot he wasn’t just talking to one of the guys and lost his guard with you a bit. 

If this isn’t normal behavior for him, I’d drop it. If it is, I might investigate a little more. You know him better than we do – feel him out.

Post # 28
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Unless you have other reasons to be concerned, let it go.

I joked about my Fiance having a secret girlfriend once, he said that he would never do that because it would be too expensive to have two girlfriends. I thought it was funny.

But I do understand that maybe if I had been cheated on, I wouldn’t find it so funny. I was super insecure in the beginning of our relationship (not about cheating but about something else, due to a bad past relationship). I brought the issue up pretty regularly. My now-FI thought it was ridiculous, but he would always reassure me and he was very patient. I’m completely over that insecurity now. I think it’s ok to discuss your insecurities honestly, as long as it doesn’t turn into paranoia, and as long as you are dealing with your issues on your own so that they get resolved.

Post # 29
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve done weekend girls vegas trips… Fiance did a boys trip to Florida with A few guy friends. both single, one very respectful of women and the other is happy as long as she’s over 18 and leaves in the morning. Mt girls trip had a few of us taken and a few single…

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But if you feel like you’re going to get worried, tell him that. I also would suggest just wording your concerns instead of flat out forbidding it. If he does go, keep yourself busy that weekend so you don’t give into possible jealousy/nervousness. 

Post # 30
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh in relation to the actual joke, i feel like no guy who would joke about cheating would actually cheat. Typically it seems like cheaters are the ones insisting they would never do that and getting overly defensive.  

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