(Closed) Wait.. What?! People actually do this??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have never heard of this, but I wouldn’t put it past some brides to be this rude.

Post # 4
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just when you thought people couldn’t get more rude.

Post # 5
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is ridiculous.  I know some family is going to be upset about not being invited so I try to limit my wedding news when I’m around them.  I don’t bring it up at all unless asked.  I would never send them a “You’re Not Invited Letter”.  So crazy.

Post # 6
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow, just, wow.

I think the point of such an idea, though, would be to let someone know if they would expect an invitation but for some reason won’t be receiving one.  For instance, one of my cousins recently divorced from her husband, who I have known and been very close with since I was in kindergarten.  I am not inviting him to my wedding, but I do plan to let him know face to face, to prevent any drama or hard feelings.  But sending out mass “non-invites” to people seems incredibly impersonal, not to mention rude.

Post # 7
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Wow I can’t believe people are actually this rude! I would assume if I didn’t get an invite that I wasn’t invited (duh!) and wouldn’t go! If I got one of these “non-invitations” I couldn’t help but be snarky in return like a week before the wedding I’d write something like this:

Dear Bride & Groom,

I wish you luck at your upcoming wedding and hope the weather holds out, I hear it’s calling for rain/thunderstorms/tornado/snow etc. I’ll be vacationing in the Caribbean so I no doubt will have great weather!


Not Coming Bazinga

Post # 8
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow, just wow!

Post # 9
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

How rude! I have never heard of this! Society seems to be straying farther and farther from basic manners and consideration of people’s feelings. Sheesh!

Post # 10
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Tibbs:  uhm…. 



Ok, sorry, was kind of at a loss for words. That link in Prudence’s response is, as she says, a gem. At the very end, it suggests you ask these non-invitees to help you out with shopping, picking a cake, playing host, and you can’t forget to invite them to the shower!

If I’m not invited to a wedding, I’m sure as heck not going to give a bride my time and effort to help her shop, or take on any duties of hosting or planning. And you should never, ever invite people to a bridal shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding. 

This is just… really? 

Post # 12
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@RunsWithBears:  LOL!! I’d forgotten all about that!

Post # 13
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

There actually was a thread about this practice just a couple of days ago. A bee was asking how to word a card to send to friends and family whom the couple wanted to invite to their wedding but, unfortunately, would be unable to accommodate. The couple also planned to include registry information with these notifications.  As I recall, it was her FI’s idea.  Several of us explained that the proper manner in which to handle this situation is to send wedding announcements, AFTER the wedding (and with no reference whatsoever to where the couple is registered.)

Post # 14
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Omg that is awful. Why would anyone actually go through the trouble and spend the money for something that is pretty universally rude and hurtful?

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