Member- unhappily_stuck
- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
I have been going out with my partner for 9 years. We got egaged 4 years ago. I am ashamed to say that I pressured him in to proposing and had several meltdowns over the issue. Finally when we did get engaged my closet friend got jealous, spread rumours and stopped calling. Other friends told me they didn’t like my ring, it was too small etc. I was very upset and distanced myself from them.
We never set a date, we did look at first but there was always some excuse from him.
I sat him down and told him what I wanted from life and my timeframe for having children etc, as I would have liked to have children before I am 35 and would like to be married before this (we had already discussed this before we got engaged, but I thought I should refresh his memory.) He listened and told me he wanted the same thing. Still no date set.
Earlier this year I decided that enough was enough and I was going to leave. I am worn out wondering, being depressed and watching my life waste by. Then he goes and makes the appointment to see the registrar. I refused to go as I could not envisonage a life of this misery and thought it would be better if we tried to sort ourselves out first and get our (my) head in a better place.
He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever and booked the registrar again. In the country I live you have to notify the registrar 3 months in advance and inform them of the venue, date and person performing the cermony. We had gone to see a venue and even though we loved it we didn’t book it. The day before we were supposed to meet the registrar, I told him I wasn’t going to go as we had no venue, date or person to perform the cermony organised.
I told him I was leaving and that the relationship was pointless. Then he got a job overseas and off he went. He calls me every day to tell me how much he loves and misses me but I don’t fell the connection anymore as the last 4 years of fighting over the engagement has worn me down and I don’t feel there is a sprak in our relationship anymore, I think I love him more as a friend than a lover but is this to be expected after such a long time together.
We have watched other people meet, get married and have children (the emotions this stirred in me didn’t help) He seems to think that we could have children now only I want to get married before we do and seems to think it would have better if I had gotten accidently pregnant.
I do not want a big wedding and my parents offered to pay for it. We get on well otherwise but the last couple of years have been consumed by the engagment/marriage issue.
I feel if he really wanted to, he would of and that he’s had his chance, but at the same time I love him. I am full of resentment and bitterness over the whoile thing and don’t know what to do. This break from each other (with him overseas) could not have come at a better time as it gives us both space to think about what we want from life.
He now wants to get married before christmas abroad where none of our family will be present but he says that it is up to me and he will do what I want to make me happy.
I feel he has waited too long and am unsure about marrying him at all now. I do love him and our relationship is great in so many other ways, but I feel this has drove a wedge between us.
His SIL has just had a baby (they started going out after us) and I can’t bring myself to even vist the child (although I did send a present and card) I am so jealous, pathetic I know.
I feel so lost and don’t know where to turn. 4 years ago I moved half way across the country to his home town thinking we would be getting married and am curently still here.
Even though now he is the one pushing for the wedding, I can’t get over the feeling I pushed him to get engaged and he only wants to now as I told him I was leaving (I had my bag packed) and is afraid of being alone.
I am 33, he is 34
I would like to marry him but I am finding it difficult to let go of all the negative feelings, bitterness and jealously. I am lonely here and even lonelier in this relationship.
