- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I have been reading your posts for weeks now and I thought it was finally time to introduce myself to you lovely bees, ask for some advice and find an outlet for my ranting!
I am hoping that even just writing this and getting it off my chest should make me feel better! So bees, this is my situation:
Me (age 24) and my Boyfriend or Best Friend (27) have been together for 2 ½ years. From about month 7in to the relationship after a few drinks he would always say to me that I am the love of his life and we wants me to be his wife. One our one year anniversary he told me (also after a few drinks) that he would like to take me away for my birthday and propose to me (which was a few months later).
So…as you can imagine I was extremely excited as nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with him!. I was also worried that it was just the drink talking so after many occasions of him bringing up engagements I asked him if it was something he was really considering.
He told me that he did want me marry me one day and I didn’t need to worry about the drink talking as he finds it difficult to talk about his feelings and it was just him finally being able to tell the truth!
I decided at this point the only thing to do was to try and get rings etc. out of my head and just enjoy spending time together. This proved difficult as we have now been to about 7 weddings since we met! We went on holiday a few months later and he told me that ‘this time next year you might be Mrs ______’. (This is now over a year ago BTW)
Jan this year he ask me to show him what kind of ring I would like and we went window shopping. A few months later I had enough and brought up the subject again. He basically told me he wanted to do it in his own time and wanted it to be a surprise which it wouldn’t be if I kept talking about it! So once again I tried to put it out of my mind. A few weeks ago we were out shopping and he asked me once again to point out rings I liked. I couldn’t take it any more so failed in trying to forget about it and asked him about it again. He got annoyed and said he just wanted it to be a surprise and had to think about cash flow (he will be paying off debts till June this year) and location of the proposal. He said that something that something that should be special has now been tainted by all the negative talk on the subject.
The next weekend he started a conversation about the kind of wedding we would both like. I kept my trap shut for a few days but then couldn’t resist talking about it again.
I am so worried I have now ruined my chances my bringing it up AGAIN! Can he not understand that I’ve thought about marrying him every day since he first said he wanted me to be his wife!!! Can he not understand the more I think about it, the more insecure I get about the relationship in case it doesn’t happen and my dreams are shattered!
I wish we could just talk about it and agree to just do it but I know he is so keen on a surprise. The logical part of me knows I should have nothing to worry about (he has after all asked me about starting a family in a few years) but the other part is tearing me up with worry!
Thanks for reading this long rant…..I feel like I’m going insane when this should be such a happy part of our dating experience!