(Closed) waiting

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@jessica_nicole91:   I can kinda understand a need to make more money but why do you need a bigger house before getting engaged?

Post # 5
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@jessica_nicole91:  A bigger house. More money. What do these two have in common? They are very arbitrary and hard to measure. Hence, I think you need to be honest with your SO and tell him how you feel about this otherwise he may just keep stalling. Hopefully by being honest, you can get some kind of timeline that isn’t so vague – I mean, what does “more money” mean exactly? Will a raise suffice or does it require a promotion or even a career change? Same with bigger house. The fact that you are given such arbitrary standards/measures of when he will be “ready” for engagement definitely makes it necessary for you to talk to him honestly.

Seriously, even a “Where are we going?” talk should suffice and hopefully open doors to a timeline. You didn’t say your age, but that’s irrelevant – you’ve been together for two years. It’s not too early for a serious “Where are we going” talk. If he freaks out/bails/etc., then unfortunately, he wasn’t the guy for you.

Waiting is annoying – I totally hear you – but for the time being, do the following:

1. Make non-SO plans every weekend. Seriously. It is so refreshing to hang out with the girls or family or what have you every now and then. Especially since you live with your SO!

2. Take care of yourself and your goals. Think about what your SO said should be priorities. Are they YOUR priorities. Ok, you said you wanted bigger house, so that usually takes more money, hence focus on getting that raise, promotion, career change, etc..

3. Do something YOU enjoy weekly. Whether it be reading, working out, watching your favorite shows, whatever – focus on YOU.

Seriously, I’m waiting too, and I do all 3 above consistently, and it definitely keeps my mind off it! 🙂

::Hugs::

 

Post # 7
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jessica_nicole91:  I can understand a guy wanting to make more money before getting engaged.  The ring is the first big expense, but the cost of wedding can be much more intimidating.  If he has a so-so job and would like something more stable with benefits before taking the plunge and making that big purchase, that seems reasonable to me.  As far as the house, I kind of get that logic as our place is so tiny that we always feel like we and the 2 dogs are on top of each other.  If my SO said he wanted to get us settled in a bigger place before buying a ring, that, too, would seem fair to me.

 

…now if he’s making 80k+ a year and y’all have some 6-8 bedroom house and he’s using “more money/bigger house” as a reason, *then* I may be suspicious.  But if he just wants to get y’all established before spending money on a ring and a wedding, I think it’s fair to hear him out on his rationale.

Post # 8
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it would be fair for you to have a discussion about it and for him to give you a timeline.  It doesn’t have to be tomorow but I think you have the right to know where he stands, is he thinking about an engagement in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? You need to know where you stand and what to expect.

Can I ask how old you guys are? I think if you’re in your early 20’s him wanting to wait would be more undrestandable then say in your 30’s.  also I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable buying a house without a  person who I am not even engaged to yet. If you break up down the road may cause alot of headache.

Definatly talk to him about it before you make any big purchases.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jessica_nicole91:  sorry he is making you wait all this time.  Hopefully he realizes soon and pops the question.  I was with Darling Husband for 5 years before we moved bought our home and moved in and were living together for a whole year when he surprised me with a ring.  I was just like you, always wondering when my time would come and what the hell was he waiting for.  We are the last couple in our cicle of friends and family that got married, so you can just imagine how long i was waiting too ,which sucks…belive me, girl, I know!!!

FX it happens sooner than you can expect!!!!!!!!;))))))))

Post # 11
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@jessica_nicole91:  “when the time comes it will happen”

This would not be okay to me and I would need something more specific. Now if it doesn’t bother you then good, but if you want a better answer you need to ask for one.

Post # 12
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@jessica_nicole91:  have you talked to him about it? Maybe he is worried that the wedding would be reaaaallly expensive and put you way behind on the plan of getting another house. Maybe you coud talk to him and sugest getting engaged and them, when you get a bigger house, get married; or marry in a little ceremony so it’s not so expensive.

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