Post # 1
So here is our little love story…
We’ve been together for almost 5 years. We’ve been living together for over 2. Our relationship has not always been sound, as in, in the beginning we fought all the time. But, once we moved in together it was seriously like a fairy tale. My boyfriend is my best friend, my partner in crime, and my favorite person to see. Back in June he told me if I quit smoking cigarettes then he would propose within a few months. Well, I quit smoking and 2 months later we found out we’re expecting. I told him when we found out that just because I’m pregnant does not mean that I want him to get down on one knee and propsse right away. I wanted him to keep his plan on how he was going to do it. So fast forward to a few weeks ago, out of the blue he asked me if I would want to get married before our daughter enters the world. I told him I’d have to think about it, but I wouldn’t say no to it if we could have a mock wedding later on, but I wanted to be proposed to. He said that him asking that wasn’t him proposing, but he would like to be married before she gets here. I thought about it a few days, and I’ve never pictured myself being pregnant and walking down the isle. I’m a little upset that he put a time line on proposing in the first place and then never followed through. I’m also upset that he would ask if I wanted to get married before she gets here (which is in 3 months) and not even be engaged. So I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do. I’ve expressed all of this to him and was expecting him to propose on Christmas, but that obviously did not happen. I see all these other girls who are getting engaged and it makes me a little envious. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 2
Congratulations on quitting smoking. What you need to get straight about now is whether you want to be married or at least engaged before you give birth. You can easily marry now and have a reception and second ceremony after you give birth. Or you can choose to keep hoping and waiting, pre and post delivery, for your SO to formally commit to you. I don’t recommend option 2 although it has its fans.
You need to talk with the father of your child and tell him what you want. It’s clear that you want to be married, but you’re being very wishy-washy in communicating this to your SO. You are now carrying a little life form that will bond you to Its father for the rest of your life. So you need to stop playing silly hoping games because that’s not going to get you what you need.
Post # 3
egs11 : “So fast forward to a few weeks ago, out of the blue he asked me if I would want to get married before our daughter enters the world. I told him I’d have to think about it, but I wouldn’t say no to it if we could have a mock wedding later on, but I wanted to be proposed to. He said that him asking that wasn’t him proposing, but he would like to be married before she gets here. “
It sounds like you still want a formal proposal, but that right there sounds like a proposal, especially seeing as he wants to get married within the next three months! You need to decide if you want to get married before your daughter gets here or to wait, and have a frank discussion with him on how you both want this to play out.
Post # 4
You can’t have your cake and eat it too. It sounds like you want everything to be fairy tale perfect, but reality is, life isn’t always like that. You’re about to have a family now, and sometimes that puts your wants and desires on the back burner for a bit. Talk to your boyfriend and ask him why it’s important for you guys to be married before hand. He may have some very valid reasons. You also need to be able to express your desires and see if you can reach a compromise.
Post # 5
He said him asking if I wanted to get married before our daughter gets here was not him proposing.
Post # 6
egs11 : Congratulations! It sounds like he’s waiting for you to communicate what you want. Perhaps you can consider suggesting to him that the two of you get engaged and legally marry before the baby is born (fyi there are potential tax benefits in the US if you marry before the new year) and then have a wedding later.
Post # 7
egs11 : “He said him asking if I wanted to get married before our daughter gets here was not him proposing.”
Probably because he knows you want a formal proposal that has an air of mystery to it.. I’m betting if you said “Yes, let’s get married before the baby is here, let’s look at rings” or “Yes, let’s look at rings, and you can plan how you want to ask and we’ll plan a wedding for after the baby” he’d want that. At this point a surpise proposal you don’t see coming is not going to play out like either of you had probably originally envisioned. Having a baby together is the ultimate lifetime commitment and means more than any piece of jewelry will.
And don’t downplay how adorable pregnant brides are. You can plan a formal vow renewal later on, but an elopement/informal wedding will be just as meaningful. It will be you guys coming together as a family.
Post # 8
Someone asking if you want to get married is the same as getting engaged, in my book.
As far as I can tell you are engaged already and don’t need to wait for a second proposal.
I would just move onto buying rings and wedding planning if I was you, but I do understand that the “formal proposal” might be something you need.
Post # 9
Dearest OP, well done on quitting smoking , I have been there too and know how bloody hard it is . Most of all, congratulations on the baby , how perfectly lovely.
Now I hope you will forgive a older woman taking the liberty to say , real grownup life is upon you here and now so stop messing about with ‘romantic’ ideas about the type and format of your proposal. The man obviously wants to marry you and you him.
Proabably best legally to get married before the baby so if you feel self consious about ‘walking up the aisle’ pregnant , courthouse now and big ceremony after the birth may be the way to go. Or even a smaller ceremony right now !
Priorities have shifted (in the most exciting way) for you two now.
Post # 10
He was planning to propose. Then you got pregnant and told him not to propose just because of the baby, so he was waiting for an appropriate amount of time to go by for it to not seem like that was why he was proposing. He asked about getting married before the baby came and you got upset at that, but you’re also upset that he didn’t propose at Christmas? You’re giving him tons of mixed signals, but it sounds like he is ready to marry you and just waiting for you to give him the green light.
Keep in mind that there’s never going to be a perfect time to get engaged or married – especially after the baby comes, when you’ll be tired, stressed, and your life will revolve around the child and its needs. With that in mind – as well as the practical benefits of marriage in many countries – I’d really consider his suggestion of getting married before the baby comes. You can always have a party and photoshoot later.