Waiting advice

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was busy finishing grad school while working full time, so that kept my mind occupied for the most part. I also used Pinterest a whole bunch. I pretty much had everything picked out by the time he proposed, so the actually planning process went smoothly.

Post # 3
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I know it’s difficult to be waiting around. I actually made it very clear what my expectations were from the start with my soon to be husband. I wasn’t pushy or pressuring him but just mentioned I believe in relationships that lead to marriage or otherwise I would just remain single and I would expect a proposal before 3 years of being with someone; otherwise I would assume they don’t take it seriously. I know some may say you can’t put a timeline on things and that’s fine. But it’s not wrong to have your own standards. but it all depends on circumstances; when I met my fiancé I was in my late twenties and we were both in stable careers and were dating to find a marriage partner so we had that intention while dating. If it were a younger couple it could take longer and it’s fine; it’s all up to what you want. I know most men won’t propose unless they feel very stable within their own life; career wise and in general which is good actually and it should be the same for women.

While I waited I worked on myself and tried to grow more within myself as a person. I was single for a very long time before meeting my now fiancé. I used that time to grow and learn new things. I traveled, lived abroad, tried new hobbies, learned to cook and make things. I completed a graduate certification. Focus on yourself and just let it happen naturally. My fiancé has reminded me although we marry we will still be individuals so we must have hobbies/interests we share and those which we enjoy on our own as well. And that marriage doesn’t mean we stop learning and growing within ourselves. Don’t worry things will happens when it’s meant to happen. 

Post # 4
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee

this is kind of a vague question…some people view waiting differently- there’s “waiting” like you are imminently awaiting a proposal any day now or “waiting” as in a limbo state which is usually due to a breakdown in communication where there is no timeline or a couple isn’t on the same page 

do you have a timeline? Are you both on the same page about expectations for engagement? If so, and you’re happy with the timeline then continue living your life as usual. Find new hobbies to stay busy 

However, if you don’t have a timeline and are not on the same page then I recommend revisiting the conversation 

Post # 5
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@HoneyBerry:  I don’t know how long you have been together, your age or stage in life but I would never be in a relationship where I considered myself to be waiting on a long term partner to commit to our life together. If it’s about logistics and planning then I don’t really consider that waiting as long as you are on the same page, with the same priorities. 

But if you are seriously talking about becoming a mess with anger issues, you may have bigger problems. 

Post # 6
Hostess
4076 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
@neverbeenstungbee:  This!  If you’re waiting, hoping he will propose and haven’t had conversations about your timelines for this stage of your relationship, than I would advise you to stop waiting on him and have an actual conversation about what you both want out of your relationship.  If you’ve already had these discussions and you’re just waiting a few weeks/months, then throw yourself into your hobbies, plan fun date nights, and catch up with friends like you would normally do.  The only time I was “waiting” was the brief time between D.H. bringing up that he’d like to propose soon and him actually doing it, which was a few months later and I just spent more time at the gym and hanging out with my friends if I got too caught up trying to guess the exact date it would happen. 

Post # 7
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

The only “waiting” I did was waiting 6 weeks after picking out a ring until we went on the vacation where he proposed. During those six weeks I mainly focused on practicing doing my nails so they’d be ready lol smile If my husband had tried to make me do any kind of long-term waiting, I would have left.

Post # 8
Member
633 posts
Busy bee

Exactly what PPs have been saying. If you’re just in that exciting period when you know without a doubt he’s going to do it you just don’t know when, that isn’t necessarily an issue for those who like that kind of thing. In that case….I don’t know, find something to occupy your mind like you would while waiting for any other exciting thing to happen? But if you, like many of the Waiting bees on here, are in Schrodinger’s Relationship and you’re just waiting because you refuse to open the box and have an honest discussion about getting married, that’s a whole other kettle of disingenuous fish. Getting angry/freaking out only makes sense if there’s some element of risk that it will never actually happen involved. I hope that’s not the case.

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