Waiting advice

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@HoneyBerry:  I hope so. Humor doesn’t necessarily translate in a first post with no other information. In any case, a “delay” doesn’t sound unreasonable at all in your circumstances. I wouldn’t think of it that way. 

Post # 18
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

 I found Weddingbee helpful as I waited out my self-imposed timeline to propose:

When I felt anxious or weak, it was nice to have a community to reach out to for support.

Post # 19
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

Frankly, the whole concept of “waiting” is still foreign to me.  I was living my life, and then my now-DH proposed.  The end.

Post # 20
Member
11390 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@HoneyBerry:  

I don’t understand how you can let this get to *crying* and *anger issues*.  Does he *own* your engagement?  Your future?

How is it you two have not been talking about your goals for the future all along?

Have you sat him down and actually told him how you feel?  What is your idea of an ideal timeline?  What is his?  Can they be synced?

If you can’t discuss something this basic and foundational in a loving in authentic way, what would make you want to entrust your future to him?

Mature adults in healthy relationships don’t have to *guess* about the big stuff.

This is not just a 2020 thing.  Watch some old movies from the 1940s.  There were plenty of wonderfully powerful women (the war forced them to find their power) who didn’t hesitate to let the men they loved know that they wanted to get married.

Post # 21
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

 Pinterest, focus on work or school any hobbies interest. Maybe set a timeline we did and after we did that it made me feel less stressed and anxious about waiting .  Focus on other stuff and the time will fly by! Hopefully in 2-3 weeks I’ll be engaged finally  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 24
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

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@HoneyBerry:   Thank you love! Yes it’s 4 years tomorrow and I will be waiting 2-3 more weeks because that is what he said (: 

Post # 25
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

Bee, similar boat here!

We have talked about marriage and a rough timeline. More than likely we will be engaged before the end of the year. He still wanted it to give that traditional surprise and romatic moment, so im not complaining, and technically, bc of how much weve talked about it and our plan and focus towards it, we are techniaclly engaged…we both have told each other we want to and WILL marry by next year, and have kids within the next year.

I will say that coming on the Bee actually really excites me to the point that it may feel like im waiting longer. Same with pinterest! The more i look around at dresses, rings, baby items, the more i want it and the less patient i become. lol im impulsive sometimes.

Id say try to monitor your time and only spend a select time doing producitve ‘reading’ and looking on the boards and pinterest and when you start really daydreaming more about it, try doing something else to get your mind off it. This way, when the moment comes, youre more prepared in what you want (e.g. wedding venue, dress style, etc…), and youve also not lost your mind feeling like you were waiting an eternity! 

 

GL ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 26
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

I refused to consider myself “waiting” (I still think this is an archaic term, but oh well) for our engagement before we had our serious conversation about our goals- both separately and together as a couple. After that conversation, we both knew we were on the same page with everything and clearly knew each others expectations. He told me he’d been looking at rings for a few months, but none of them seemed *ME* enough so he asked for input on what I want to wear forever. And then I technically “waited” for his proposal for 4 months. Most of that time was just due to ring logistics.

It was SO hard not to think about it in those 4 months. The excitement & anticipation was unbearable at times. I kept myself distracted with classes, friends, cooking, baking, and trying new workouts. Hope that helps! 

Post # 27
Member
9367 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@HoneyBerry:  

Well l’m with the pps who find ‘waiting’ a strange and somewhat archaic idea. Maybe it’s because l’m older, but l and every other woman of my age l know got to the stage with their  then bf where they knew they wanted to be married, got a ring and then were engaged. They weren’t, usually,  very flash or expensive rings by today’s standards and l hardly know anybody who didn’t have some input into choosing and buying .

It often seems to me from these boards that women have reverted to some patriarchal notion of men deciding/owning their future. Most , very reasonably, don’t seem happy with it either. 

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