- 4 months ago
Hello all 🙂
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and a half. We’re both 33. Things moved very fast at first! He told me he loved me after about a month and a half of dating. Shortly thereafter we had a pregnancy scare that turned into a discussion of us wanting kids one day, and him seeing us getting married one day. My friend was concerned he’d up and propose by month 3 by the way things were going! Oh how wrong she was lol
We didn’t have any serious in depth marriage discussions until about 6 months together. He talked about how he had family members and a couple friends who got married very quickly, some even with only knowing the other for a few months and he always thought it was crazy. His mindset was that most people were together for a good 3 or 4 years, building a life together until one day you up and said this feels like a good time to get married. My heart sank at this revelation. I told him maybe if you are younger and still figuring life out that that would seem like a natural timeline, but given our age and our desire for children it seems kind of silly to wait that long. I said my rule of thumb is to wait a good year.
We had a more emotional discussion about it this past spring, he said he didn’t want to get engaged until we were living together. At the time we were staying at each other’s place 5 or 6 days a week, probably since 4 months of dating. At this time I also found out that he thought people got engaged then got married just few months later, which also explained his mindset! I told him no! Engagement means to me you want to get married to the other, and oftentimes the engagement lasts a good year. It doesn’t mean you automatically get married 2 months later!
We officially moved in together in July. It’s honestly been great. We’ve grown closer and I couldn’t be happier. Funny thing is… he talks about our “future kids” A LOT since the beginning, but any marriage discussion really only comes up when I bring it up. A couple months before our 1 year anniversary I was really anxious. I felt with his inexperience that i just knew it wasn’t on his radar at all with getting engaged anytime soon.
I could ramble on and on with details but long story short… we’ve had discussios about once a month since then about getting engaged. He now says with living together and how our love had deepened that he feels getting engaged seems right, and that I “deserve it” and he wants people to know that I’m “taken.” Music to my ears yes, but he’s been saying this for like 4 months now. Back in September he took me to get my finger sized. This made me shut up and not want to talk about it anymore, thinking it was coming soon. Well… a discussion about 3 weeks ago revealed he had done nothing about it since. Talks about life being busy and time slipping away and he wants to design my ring and just hasn’t found the time. I’m heartbroken.
Now… I know a year and a half isn’t a crazy long time to wait. I’m reading on here about people who have been together for many many years and waiting, and I feel it’s stupid of me to lament over less than 2 years. And yet if we are committed to each other and have been for many months, isn’t that what engagement represents?! And I’m still “just a girlfriend.”
I now have people at work asking me “when’s the wedding?” Half joking half serious… but then it adds to the see other people think we should be engaged by now too :/
With the holidays coming up I’m dreading people asking about us. It’s difficult explaining how we do want to be together for good, but then them wondering if that’s the case then why no ring?
Ok sorry if that was a lot to read. I really didn’t know how much to include! My question is, do I just let it go because who wants an engagement that was forced? Or do I keep bringing it up because another year could go by if I don’t?