(Closed) waiting and being moody

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

It makes sense to me. 

I felt like that.  Just try to catch yourself being snippy or moody and remind yourself that it will all work out.  You don’t want to ruin his "plan" by being different.  Even though it’s been discussed, it’s still a big deal and probably is bringing him a bi of anxiety.  Relax.  It will happen and it will be great!!!  hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

i was having the exact same thing for awhile–i didn’t even realize it, but i kept picking little fights and feeling like we weren’t on the same page and he wasn’t being supportive, etc. normally we’re very low-key (a "fight" for us is really more of a discussion, one of us will use a harsh tone for like 5 seconds and then we talk it out), but it all ended up blowing up while we were hosting a july 4th bbq and while my friend from out of town (and future Bridesmaid or Best Man ) was staying with us–awkward! i absolutely know he loves me and we’re in this forever, but i was just feeling really insecure, and it was mainly because i felt like i couldn’t talk to him about something that was really important to me, ie the engagement/wedding timeline. we usually talk about everything, and i just hated not being able to tell him what i was feeling and thinking about, it felt like i was keeping a secret from him since i was trying not to put pressure on him. anyway, we finally started to really talk about things, and things just feel much, much better. he wants to make the ring and engagement a surprise, so he doesn’t want me to know when or where or what the ring (which i found out is an heirloom stone, and which he’s going to design the setting!) will look like…which drives me a little crazy because i want to knoooooow (haha), but, at least i know it’s going to be coming, and i don’t feel like i have this huge censor on what i can talk about. i feel like we’re on the same page again.

 so maybe, could that be what’s bugging you? it really felt like i had a physical, icky feeling in my stomach, and when we finally started really talking about it, it just went away

Post # 5
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

i went through the same thing as you, maybe even worse! Just the word engqgement or anything related to it was enough to set me off (and usually turn into some sort of argument with then-BF)…hang in there, just remind yourself it’s coming so soon! even tho it’s hard, when it happens it will be SO wonderful that it will be worth the wait! and in some wierd way, i’m almost a little jealous since you still are anticipating your proposal and mine’s already happened and i won’t get another one, you know? it’s such an amazing experience, i’m kind of sad mine’s come and gone….good luck, use weddingbee to get any emotions out!!

Post # 6
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am going through it now. I sent him an email that was umm not so nice. I didn’t ask him anything but um did you get the email. His response was yes, and he didn’t pay any attention to the email, that it must be the time for me to go bezerk again (Usually every six-eight weeks I have a freak out.)

Post # 7
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh trust me.. We had some problems at first! On my birthday I was so disappointed we got in a huge fight that lead to me crying in the car on the way to dinner. I still bug him a little about it but I’ve really toned down mentioning it to him (Thanks to here)… so your mood swings are totally normally. We’re being promised forever, but until we actually get that symbol of forever and the question – for some reason our minds run with the idea that maybe he’s changed his mind, blah blah, he’s never going to do it.. You are totally and completely normal! The thing that’s been helping me is to think – okay – this is going to happen ONCE in my life – do I want to ruin it? Just remember, you’re waiting for a beautiful ring and a promise from a man you love – it’s not like we’re waiting for surgery! If we be patient we’ll be surprised and elated! I know how you feel – let’s all be strong together!

Post # 9
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

no, you are NOT being crazy!!! just breathe…you know your man loves you and now you KNOW that it will happen within the next 2-3 months!!!!!!!! The wheels are in motion, just lay back and enjoy the ride…and when you feel yourself getting worked up over something, just remind yourself that you WILL be engaged within 3 months!!! ๐Ÿ™‚  YAY!!

Post # 10
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

From what I understand, in most relationships, it’s super common for the woman to be ready to get engaged much earlier than the man. That was certainly true in my case, and I definitely lost my head a bit when I knew the engagement was around the corner. My FH kept saying, "please just be patient," and that would make me craaaaazy because I would think, "I’ve BEEN patient! I was patient for almost an entire year while I waited for you to warm up to the idea of marriage while I was raring to go the entire time!" I don’t know why, but I was fine for the ten months that it took him to get himself into the mentality of us really moving forward, and it was the last two months after the ring had been picked and the engagement was imminent that I got pretty unpleasant about it. Not one of my proudest life experiences, but I don’t think it’s unusual.

Post # 11
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Thank YOU soooo much for this post!

I cried through everyones post (emotional much) because I am going through the same thing.

So my FH and I have been together for 6 years and we picked out my ring together over a year ago. I knew he didn’t have the money for it right then and so I was fine about it… for awhile… until his brother got engaged on christmas eve to his fiance when they had only been together for 2 years (I know that the years don’t truly matter but when you are in this state rational thought really isn’t an option.) So we talked about it a bit then and he put a timeline on it for April (because he thought we were going to get a good tax return)… well we didn’t and so I knew it would take a bit longer but I am getting bitter! I always feel like he could be doing more and putting more away for it and I really don’t even know if he has bought it yet. I know that he has ordered it in and that it has been sized (I got to go for my last ring ‘visit’ a month and a half ago) So I am assuming that it is any day yet but I don’t know for sure! I drive myself crazy working myself up that maybe today and then get disappointed over and over again. We (together) have started planning the wedding, we have a guest list and a venue for the reception and ceremony booked… but no ring! So I know that he wants to get married – whenever I get worked up and ‘nag’ at him about it he gets mad and says that I am taking the fun part away from him because I picked out the ring and the only thing he has left is the proposal… and I don’t want to ruin it for him but I also DONT WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE!!!!

 I hate that when I go to meet wedding vendors they congratulate me and look at my hand but it is naked!!!!

Nothing makes the waiting easier – I always tell myself that the longer I wait the better the proposal will be but it only lasts for about 5 min LOL. He also drops hints to bug me because he knows I am going crazy he also threatens that he won’t propose if I do certain things etc. The only thing that keeps me sane is that I am honest with him about the way I am feeling for instance yesterday I felt my ring finger and had a moment of panic because my ring was missing… I DONT HAVE MY RING AND HAVE NEVER WORN A RING ON THAT FINGER LOL – He of course now believes that I need a psychiatrist… maybe I do!!!!!

 Thank you for posting this thread – now I know I am NOT ALONE!!!!!! 

Post # 12
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

You are totally NOT crazy.  I did the same darn thing and hated doing it, but couldn’t help myself.  Just try to focus on you, and your relationship, and not the ring.  Easier said than done.  Try to make more plans with girlfriends and enjoy life!

PS I stopped being moody when I suspected the ring was VERY imminent (ie, he had dropped hints he purchased it.)  Human nature, I suppose!

Post # 13
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ooooh how I understand the crazy! My boy is just now thinking about the ring and he’s so terrified of the whole process he practically hyperventilates when he brings it up himself. Between trying to figure out how to afford it, and how to pick it out… he’s a total mess cause he wants to “get it right” which is sweet but… I’d love it no matter what!

Post # 14
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

don’t they just drive you crazy? doesn’t it drive you nuts that you can’t talk about the one dang thing you have on your mind 24/7?  It makes you want to scream!  the closer you think you are, the harder it gets not to be completely impatient all the time. I know that i don’t want him to regret his decision and I’m positive that I’m the one for him, so we ask ourselves what keeps them from being as excited as us all the time and if they know, then what’s with the big wait? my boyfriend said if i freak out and go crazy about not being engaged while on vacation, it isn’t going to happen. which lets me know 2 things- we’re probably getting engaged on vacation in 18 days (!!!) and that i need to work super diligently on keeping my mouth shut on the topic of anything wedding-related whatsoever. he does not know that i post on here multiple times a day to vent my obsessions, but if I’m not bugging HIM about it, i see no harm ๐Ÿ™‚

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