(Closed) Waiting and false hope

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

That is really tough. 🙁 …. It sucks that he’s been getting your hopes up by sending you the ring picture and talking about the future, but then putting the brakes on the marriage talk.

Have you asked him about a timeline? Setting a clear time line with my SO took a lot of stress off me. I know a proposal will happen before this year is up, and now I don’t worry about it and don’t feel uncertainty about the future anymore.

If your relationship is in an otherwise good place I’d have a firm but kind time line talk with him. I also would advise not compromising your beliefs. If you don’t think you should live together without a proposal, then stand firm and don’t do it. Otherwise you’ll most liky end-up resenting him in the future.

After 6 years he should know if he wants to marry you or not. If he isn’t thinking of a proposal soon (within the next 12 months) then I don’t think he wants to get married. And if marriage is something that you want then as hard as it is you may have to move on.

Post # 3
Member
3319 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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bumblebee34 :  6 years at 31. I wouldn’t keep seeing him without a ring and a date, never mind move in! Time is limited if you want children. The faux surprise ship sailed years ago. Clearly he does not want to marry you. You deserve better.

Post # 4
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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bumblebee34 :  If you move in with him chances are he will get comfortable and then you won’t ever get engaged. But I second what 
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mrstodd2bee said, he doesn’t seem like he has much interest in marrying you.

Post # 5
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper

Why are you always the one packing your bags to go visit him? There seems to be an imbalance in this relationship and about more than just a ring.

Guys who drag their asses on proposing forfeit the surprise element. Still boggles my mind that some guys (my own DH included back when I was waiting) fixate on wanting the whole shocked and overcome surprise thing when it’s their own pissing about that prevents it from being a surprise. Not that I even think it needs to be a surprise…..but how do they expect their partner to not start thinking in terms of engagement and marriage after years together?

Post # 6
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t think that he doesn’t necessarily want to marry you but I do think you’re very smart to not sell your house.

I personally wouldn’t sell the house until marriage since sometimes people get engaged and don’t have proper plans for marriage after that. Also, he should be visiting you too. 

Also, I would not ask about a timeline for engagement since engagement isn’t the final goal. I would ask about a timeline for marriage keeping in mind that weddings take awhile to put together and plan. 

Post # 7
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

So…you two have broke up twice within a few years?  Now he’s expecting you to sell your house and move in with him, potentially without a ring?  I would NOT move in with him unless he also is willing to commit to you.  Now is the time to make big decisions about your future.  Is this guy really the guy you want to spend your life with?  His wishy-washy attitude tells me that he isn’t sure about the future with you.  Plus the fact that the two of you have broken up basically when things get hard.  Not a great sign.

I think you have some serious soul searching to do.

Post # 9
Member
3319 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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bumblebee34 :  after 6 years,  timeline is asking him directly if he is willing to marry you. If yes, immediately discuss a suitable wedding date for the very near future.  Surprise time is past. 

Post # 11
Member
3319 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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bumblebee34 :  tell him his time to surprise you is 4 years too late!.  Since he claims he wants to marry you, ask him to set a wedding date, sayyou’re not interested in being surprised this is your life too and you don’t want to make any decisions until you know exactly what’s happening and when.  He’ll make more excuses,  He’s stringing you along. 

Post # 12
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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bumblebee34 :  Will this really solve your issues though?  You’ve been talking about this for 9 months now, and he is all talk and no action.  When a guy wants to marry you, he finds a way.  Between when my husband first brought up the potential of marriage and when we got engaged, it was a month.  One month.  Your guy has been with you for 6 years and can’t talk about a timeline.  What does that tell you?  What if he delays getting married after engagement?  What if he delays having kids (if you want a family of course)?  What if he keeps on pushing things back?

Post # 13
Member
6420 posts
Bee Keeper

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bumblebee34 :  I don’t know  I would take breaking up twice into serious consideration on why he’s not marrying you. Maybe he’s not really ready. Both times you said you two broke up because of you. Maybe he’s thinking it’s not time just yet or never for him. I’d ask him flat out if he actually wants to marry you. 

Post # 14
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
bumblebee34 :  have you sat him down and pointed out that what he’s doing is playing with your feelings and getting your hopes up, only to be then told, when you try to talk about it, that he doesn’t want to be pressured? What he’s doing to you is very confusing and, weather he means to or not, IS sending mixed signals. Set a time line if you feel the need. When depends on how long you can put up with this, but I think if he wants you to not talk about it so he doesn’t feel pressured he has to stop talking about when you move in and the future until he’s willing to do something about it. 

As far as not selling your house goes you are doing the right thing. 

I think you should sit him down and have a good chat about  his behaviour and plans. 

Good luck! X

Post # 15
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Who cares what people think and or how things are perceived.  Stop worrying about rings and titles, do what makes you happy. If your not happy change it. 

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