(Closed) Waiting and Freaking OUT!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

A couple of thoughts:

1) Previous relationship failures do not determine the outcome of your current relationship. 

2) Do you trust your SO? If so, trust that he is telling the truth when he gives his reasons for wanting to marry you–don’t believe that he’s just trying to shut you up. (This goes without saying but if you don’t trust him, you really shouldn’t be thinking marriage).

3) People will offer you advice because they love you and care about you; take it as graciously as you can, but ultimately, make the decision that you know is right. A lot of people told me I was making a huge mistake when I started dating my Fiance. 4.5 years later, most of them (at least the important ones) have realized that I wasn’t.

4) it’s ok to be scared about facing such a big decision, but don’t let that fear control you. A long engagement could be a great opportunity for you and your SO to work on building a strong foundation for your marriage. Maybe consider pre-marital counseling? It might help you to see those areas of your relationship where you’re doing things “right” so to speak.

Hugs and good luck!

Post # 5
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LadyInGreen: I don’t know your SO, but if he is bringing up marriage and seems genuinely comfortable talking about it, I wouldn’t worry about a “shut up” ring. From what you say it seems he is sincere–but weddings are expensive-taking a little time to save and make sure that this is what you truly want is beneficial, I think. A 1 1/2 year engagement is not that bad… I know a lot of people who do that and they actually got married. I don’t have any stats on divorce rate b/c they have only been married a year or two. In fact, it was the shorter engagements who got divorced in a matter of months ( I don’t know these short-term people personally, just high school acquaintances. )

While I am normally an advocate of listening to family, friends, people you trust, etc. – I think in this case they don’t KNOW him so they can’t be true judges of the situation. Listen to their advice, but don’t feel pressure to adopt their views. Sometimes friends and family will name something you already know deep down but don’t want to admit. That’s why a lot of times I find their advice (especially my father’s) useful to sorting out my own feelings that I am too afraid to confirm. However, if you don’t find yourself inwardly nodding your head about things that they are warning you about, I wouldn’t worry. It is natural to be a little freaked out and worried, but if you trust your SO and you want to start a life with him and you think he feels the same way- don’t let other people’s opinions/your past get in your head and set you up for a failure or problem that did not exist.

I hope this made sense. And sorry it was so long. I hope you feel better about this soon! Good luck!   

Post # 6
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyInGreen:

1 1/2 years hardly qualifies as a long engagement. You usually need that much time if you want a specific venue, etc.

 

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