Post # 1
Ok so I have been with my bf for 4 years known eachother for way longer. In the summer we started talking about getting married and even looked at rings online. Then in September he took me to look at rings(all on his own no pressure) so I got BEYOND excited. I was so shocked when we went we only tried on a couple rings. So after that I thought we would go to a couple more stores at a later date to look at more different styles. I would bring it up or discuss marriage because he opened the doors when you took me looking at rings and he would push it off. I started getting frustrated and confused .
I don’t have the best sitation at home and I am very anxious to move out.He doesn’t want to live together until we are married I said ok but I need to move out soon. After he shrugged off the engagement ring talk, I started talking bout where we wanted to live , house to wanted to buy and he’d shrug that off. I didn’t get it why he didn’t want to talk about the future.
We then got in a super fight. He told me to stop pressuring him he wasn’t ready. WASN’T ready? I asked him why he took me to look at rings then and he told me he couldn’t tell me. I was obviously hurt.
Everytime i turn around people are getting engaged and married even people close to us that have relationships that are no where near as good as ours AND havn’t even been together long.
Ive been such an emotional mess. I love him so much and he keeps saying that i am the one and we will get married . i am trying to back off on all talk about the future (which i think is ridiculous as we should be able to discuss the future) but because of all this i just keep starting fights and we can’t seem to get along. I am so upset this is all I can think about and its hard to be around him and get along when I am so hurt.
How do I get over this and make things better?
Post # 3
You move out of wherever you are living now into YOUR OWN apartment. You build YOUR LIFE. Then, when he is “ready” you discuss building a life with him.
Post # 4
@roughtimes88: Do you think he got “sticker shock” when he saw the price of engagement rings?
Post # 5
no, I already told him I didn’t want him to spend alot of money on a ring cuz it wasn’t important I rather save for a house which i thought we were doing…
Post # 6
@3xaCharm: I was going to say the same thing. You can get your own place and take the pressure off of him. You don’t need him to save you from your situation. You need to know how to take control of your own life. Move forward and either he will join you or you will find someone who will. Most importantly, you will not NEED anyone.
Post # 7
yea thats what I have been thinking. I still have money to save but I want to start looking for a place in at least a year and thats why I have been trying to talk to him about it but its not working. I last told him I was going to get a part time job so I could save even more money and get my own condo. I really dont want to do that but might be my only option. I still have a while to wait
Post # 8
Just want to agree with everyone who said to get your own place. Separating the stressful home life from the future engagement might be the best plan, it puts less pressure on him to “save” you when he’s not ready for the commitment of marriage/living together.
Post # 9
He may have a different idea of what engaged means than you do. Whenever he is ready to talk, try to figure out exactly what he is thinking when he hears the word engagement. I know my boyfriend had a completely different mind set on engagement than me. I was thinking about engagement the way he was thinking about marriage. It’s hard for me to explain, but we just had to communicate about why we felt differently. (And, I was able to get him to see things from my point of view!) Once we came to an agreement we were so happy!
And I also have been annoyed by all the ppl getting engaged around me. Most of them haven’t been with their boyfriend as long as I have! How annoying! It was making me emotional but I’ve kinda gotten used to it now.
It may take some time to get him to want to talk though. Maybe you both can do something fun together where you don’t even mention getting married or engaged. Make him remember why he fell in love with you!