(Closed) Waiting and Married Bees I need your help! Relationship Advice: Stay or Leave?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t get proposal timelines.  At all.  I mean I really just don’t understand the concept.  If you’re planning to get married, then you’re engaged.  What does it mean when you’re planning to be planning to get married????  It means nothing!  If he’s going to propose by some certain date, what’s keeping him from just doing it?  If you’ve planned a proposal date, then you’re already engaged.

 

Or else he’s just doing what a lot of guys do and making empty promises to keep you around.

 

Post # 47
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think peoniesbaby has some really good points!  👍

Post # 49
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

View original reply
Kikibear:  A proposal in and of itself is a special moment; a lot of men want to make THAT a special memory too.  

Being engaged isn’t just about planning, it’s a whole phase of life, one that’s predominantly filled with plans of the future, but I believe it’s important to embrace EVERY phase of life for it’s own beauty and joy, one’s engagement is no different.  Just like the time spent leading up to an engagement shouldn’t be spent waiting around for the next milestone.  It’s imporatnt to embrace the phase of life you’re in when you’re living it, not just view it as the “waiting period” for the next thing, because otherwise you’ll spend your whole life waiting for it to really begin. 

Post # 50
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I set a deadline with my Fiance too – which he missed. I was actually gearing up to leave him when he finally popped the question. A small part of me will always wonder if he only did it to keep me from leaving. Plus, I had already begun the process of emotionally uncoupling with him…so it was hard transitioning for me.

My point: if you are already thinking about leaving, leave. My relationship will always be a little tainted because I chose to stay and accept the proposal. It’s a often frustrating cross to bear.

Post # 51
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

View original reply
snowflake8:  you still have time…

Post # 52
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee

I vote wait until NYE and if you are not engaged leave him and don’t look back.  Given that you are only a couple of months back together after nine months off I think its reasonable for both of you to give this relationship a few more months before committing to marry each other but on the other hand, I’m one of those who waited and waited on a guy who eventually admitted he didn’t want to be with me so I wish I had left sooner! 

Post # 53
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh girl, take a step back.

The only thing that has changed from the initial proposal timeline (December 2015) is your perception of what is happening.

You are analysing everything and getting negative – relax!

You have agreed on December 2015, if by the 1st of January 2016 he hasn’t proposed, then put forward those 3 options. Until that date, zip the lips and stop hounding the man!

Post # 54
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I know that your time is precious. But the Dec 2015 deadline has not passed. Maybe he’s planning something super awesome for the holidays. Just do yourself a favour and just drop the matter all together until Dec 31 2015 1159pm ok. Don’t mag, dont hint, don’t snoop, dont remind him. Nothing. Just enjoy your time and live as if as of Jan 1 you will be engaged and start daydreaming and planning your wedding in your head to occupy yourself. Or sign up to something like a class or the gym or what ever to meep the stress down and your mind ovcupied. You are freaking out and overthinking it. If he doest propose at the new years eve midnight… you can officially loose your shit and dump his ass. And I doubt you will stay friends because it’s demeaning to wait and trust and then get nothing. You love him. Trust him. Trust that he will propose. l’m assuming (because you said he is very successful) it’s not a matter of him scrambling to save up enough…at this point I think he is looking for the ring and planning the proposal or he might already have all of it done and just waiting for that moment to arrive. Dont ruin it! Just wait 4 more months. If you guys are living together… If it makes you feel batter… you can start window shop for a new place that you will be moving to if he doesnt propose so you feel more in control and “not wasting” your time. But something tells me he will propose during the holidays. And you will be back here showing off your gorgeous ring all happy and excited 🙂 just give him 4 more months!

Post # 55
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

I have never understood the idea of a man giving a woman a timeline in which he will propose.  What is meant to be achieved during that time, that will suddenly make him ready by X date?  Literally, what is he waiting for?

He’s been with you FIVE YEARS.  He’s not a kid.  He’s been married before.  He’s got a good career from the sounds of it.  Really, WHAT is he waiting for?  That’s what I’d want to know, in terms of deciding whether to stay or whether to go…

Post # 56
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
mimiqueen:  and that is completely fair. I was just interested in knowing why it was so important to you.. And your explanation makes perfect sense. In saying that, I would encourage you to stand by that reason and never settle for anything less than that.

Post # 59
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Getting married should not be this much energy or work.  This is his third time promising that he would propose, but you guys have already broken up TWICE in 5 years.  That doesn’t happen in healthy relationships.  If you want to get married and raise a family, don’t waste more time with this guy.  I get that he is your best friend, I get you have a good connection, but do you seriously want to be with someone who is hesitating so much to marry you?

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